the truth is often too bizarre to instill belief.

And here I am, back at my blog, where I belong.  I have been spending too much effort on Facebook.  I suppose these entries will still shoot over there, until I go in and turn that off...

Someone said to me on there today, there are too many indians and not enough chiefs.  The thought stuck with me and then began taunting me.  There is no way in hell that what I write about can be understood without context.  And I am sick of feeling like I have to defend the things that I know are true.  I would rather explore the topics that are still questions to me, rather than preach to people who will never get it.

I know what I can do.  Trying to convince people of something that took me an insane amount of evidence to believe is fruitless at this point.  Why would I try?  It really is kind of like going back to the bare beginnings of this sojourn.


The Ghandi quote:  First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win,"  plays out on facebook only so far... there is really no one there to fight, let alone defeat.  I am over thinking I will be like everyone else and that will solve all my problems, but I understand the urge.  People have comfort zones, and asking them to leave them is too much.   I know I had to be thrown out of mine.


I don't even know what I think I can achieve.  I was told not to write about my rounds with the intelligence agencies -- the might as well not bothered sending their goon out.  Who cares what I write?  Why would they?  I would not believe me, if I were some stranger... or who I was about five years ago.  I was told long enough, my first year of college, by a cynical journalist, that I should just go write a spy book and get rich, because even if I sent my life writing expose's, nothing would change.  People just don't care that much, and the kind of commitment it takes be an effective activist is lacking in this country in too many people.  Maybe even in me?

I wish I could say that I am done even reading the news.  I really do.  What I think I need to do is just focus on fiction and poetry for awhile.  God willing, that will be enough...  I enjoyed getting to know old friends, but it is hard with my training to just write cocktail party conversation without some mad inspiration taking me off on a tangent, or saying something that makes me look like more of a fool than I am.

I created a character in the blogs that almost overtook who I really am in some ways.  A self-fulfilling prophecy, or the accident of a poet/actor?  I always add a bit of mythos into what I write, even when i am just transcribing the day to day events exactly as they happened.  That is the context.  In facebook, there is no context, just an overwhelming number of comments on articles too desperate to be connected.  Unless you are willing to chalk it all up to the illuminati.  I tend to think there is just a bunch of overwhelmed humans at the top, personally.