on being an idiot

and scary...

That is never my intention.   Out of context, though, what I write is often not very reassuring...


I  want to add order, not chaos.   I know some people probably find that funny... but it is true.  Last week I wrote some stuff that struck me as stupid right away and I erased it, but it scared my brother, or someone, and it was strange....  I was not myself that night, due to various things coming together to make me run out of my pain pills for a day, and having no other way to combat the extreme pain in my body, I drank some rum.  Yuck.  There is a reason I never drink,  besides just that with my medication I can't.... I just don't care for the experience and it sure as hell is nothing to do while writing.   I never did, because my words just come out stupid.  Add to that being bummed out about other things, and the pain, which the booze does not stop, just made bareable... I guess.   Yuck.

This is a good wake up call for me.  I need to be clear.  I cannot blame this on anyone except me.   My story is crazy enough without me inadvertently adding to that madness by being an idiot... though it comes so natural....    If my words are being taken as a threat toward some one else, or me, than I am simply not getting anything across.

I cannot allow that to continue.   The best thing to do is move all the way back toward fiction, where the fictional world created has its own rules, and no one expects the reader to just go out and do whatever the author makes a character do.  

I think I am doing some very good writing with Gangsta X....  under his revolutionary writing I have also placed a lot of true events that took place,  uses of the media, etc...  but a lot of what he writes about is either what could happen, what should happen, and how to keep any revolution peaceful.

I have this hope that the  book will mean a lot to generations of protesters and agitators, and patriots.  that is what I want for my poetry, as well...   I grew up feeling like there was no movement I could join that could really institute any political change.   Defeated.   As soon as the Unions came under assault by Reagan and others, the common man I was raised to root for began losing ground in every way that is measurable, and still are.    I was told once I was a revolutionary without a revolution... I hope this book will be the revolution that others like myself needs.    A good one, though... not some bloody idiocy... no horror of war or violence.