dead in my tracks

collapsing inward
hollow within
a mysterious vacuum point deep in my gut sucks the computer
the room
the city
then entire earth into my being
universes  start collapsing back into me for another big bang
into one point of energy -- every molecule/gene/smile/soul
an infinity of chaotic movement stilled
for a flash too brief to measure
then explodes again and everything settles back as it was
no one even notices

keep waiting to feel comfortable
at ease
used to think there was somewhere out there
I would just sit down and feel
comfortable

then the world collapsed back into me
became a spark I can put out
at the center of my being
to call darkness forever

she thinks I am the only person who can make her happy
I think the same of her
one day we will probably find out we were wrong
like
we always
did
before
with every break up and make up and fake up

comatose and battle addled and too young to know better
those who fight just cause they don't know no different

Lord I keep asking for signs
but they all seem to end up just being advertisements
for something that breaks down sooner or later


crumbling ideologies and sci-fi plots and kiddy moments of high God drama
the entropy of all of my ideas


hatred in theory doesn't work as well in person
dem's and republic's only hate each other during speeches
and back room buddy smack chatter

the smart selfish and successful want to ride that wave as long as they can
afterwards they die and they gave up on any hell and heaven scenario long ago
carpe diem and tomorrow be damned

I scream like Socrates
until my voice is too torn to sing for my lover
whisper to revolutionaries and spies
allegiance to none but a few dead guys whose books I read
their chorus humming the tune behind my lyric