I charged too far out into the battlefield to retreat... now it is win or die.

I wrote this line a few weeks ago.   I want to expand on this, bring out the fuller context of what I mean by such lines.... fill in all the facts that are unseen between the words, and without them the context seems jumbled, the narrative almost unbelievable.

I am so sick of me though.  Art is supposed to be getting me outside of myself.  I don't care nearly as much for writing about my own life.  I suppose it would be easy with a normal story ,  but what I witnessed was too bizarre.   Leads to all kinds of conclusions that most people will not want to accept, and I do not know really if even knowing about the events will matter in the over-all world.

There is a mental block in my mind about this too..  I get so distraught and depressed over this shit unless I am just plain out angry -- which is emotionally speaking, better than the others at least.