DISTANT MISSIONS

This is a poem from waking up jesus, the second in a book series...  which may end up in the new edition, too... still working out the kinks, and there are places where without the contextual world of the book, you may not understand what I mean.  Thank you to those who make it through this little opus.  For more... http://wakingupjesus.blogspot.com 

They tell me this messiah

 is here

right now

to herald

the end times

my love of peace

has been shattered by their injustice

my heart spits out fragments of hate

most days I have to look around for the child who loved it all

the hand of God can caress orgasms from a kneeling nun

or close into a fist mighty enough to smite the very cosmos

I wave my open  hand
 the science versus magic debate disappears

mystics and researchers alike agree

we are getting ready to burn

the atmosphere off of this planet

leave a few roaches

to die in the flames

prophesy and charts collide

ignite from the same spark

confirmed

by a computer model

we just couldn't believe
this could happen

to us positive thinking folks

that God would let this world burn...

the minister's for the Exxon set said nothing about this on Sunday

in their polite sermons they talked of wallowing in heavenly rewards
the narcissism of their Calvinism melting any cross within a hundred yards

Prophets have seen this end since the beginning of bibles

behold the flames to come

the exploding star in my chest insures the destruction

The Reaper comes in wearing the visage of the Christ

are we glimpsing what God is doing to man?

or man to man

or a plan within a plan

within a plan

or no plan ...

at....

all?

nothing to fight

except sheer entropy

the winner

in every war

Time's Champion

the ancient prophets

heard from timeless beings

idle travelers with no reason to lie

they were given glimpses into what the eyes cannot see

and the flesh cannot feel

a realm with a living God of Endless Love

did they want the humans to prepare to die?

To know their end would come?

that all planets die and the souls leave?

Did they try to prepare them for the Pathfinder?

Provide you a Salvation myth?
Prep the planet for the traveler
The Sacrificial Lamb
The Coming Invasion of A Force After Your Souls

I am an alarm clock

The Silver Surfer warning a planet that he heralds the end of life

Last Call for Salvation.

Bars Closing for good.

Get your last shot of Holy Water.

I am everywhere in you comics, movies, books, games,
a star since they first scratched my image into the dirt of the grave of a  monkey man
soon enough as always forgotten by the crowd anxious to usurp the throne

I am the solution to the positive thinking

that gave the first fish legs

the reaper standing at the end of the survival instinct

casting a spell to free you

from the maddening grip

of the mortal coil 

that feeling of life

gonna go on forever

ends

on every death bed

ancient myths of a world in flames show up in our Math!

I read your Bibles and remember the voices of ancient harvest worship

Echoes of the truths told a farmer -- God made this world to feed us

the women to give birth

children to sow the seeds

as if we were God's only concern in the vastness of time...

as if we were not fledgling souls

still preparing to go meet our maker

cycling through life after life
waiting, waiting, waiting... for the order to come down
a blue sky to split open and reveal The Space Man From God

were man wise

 he would not wish for godhead

he would understand that every bodi tree

comes with the pangs of starvation

every Calvary is Steep

there is the hatred

surrounding me again

See this in a lot of lifetimes...

you surround me and kill me

corrupting the youth

I leave seeds behind

that was good enough before

all I could do

His bidding is my obsession/there is no where to run away from the Gaze of God

I  lived and died in the humility of feeling lie an amazing failure 

time and again waiting for the final reckoning
I could see the event coming
feel the flames of the heat from a million years away

like the head cases that pop up in the news
I took my flocks out to await the End of Time
I would look to the sky expecting someone else
like my dream of twenty years ago
learning Jesus was returning and running through skycrapers
screaming out the good news at the crowds
we looked joyously to a cloud traveling towards us in the blue sky
A band of musicians painting in glitter and glam descended
The Christ nowhere to be seen


The news is a litany of false prophets

hiding out in caves or sheds or boarded up apartments

convinced by some charismatic that the end time is here

the mission takes 

the dawn out of the sex

joy out of walking the dog on the beach

tinges leaning down and rubbing faces with the kitten

with bits of mourning his coming death

alone
the son of God watches
as the souls prepare for the final flight

mourning every milestone of the bloody transition

He Knows He Is The Final Pain

He Knows He Is The Final Narcotic

The Law Has Grown Godless
courtrooms scams

where whoever can afford the best lawyers

stays out of jail

--- where we treat humans
like slaves/beasts/throw-aways/violent gangs without individual faces

pits back against white

stirs up the Nazi Crap
creates a new religion for every gang..

The Forever War Goes On*

((* footnote -- Joseph Haldeman's title for a fucking fantastic book))

relative man

pretends he is not

an animal that can be beaten to madness

We conjure stubborn dreams of times that never were

people who never existed

keep us telling us that we are more than we are

I am here to Humble Man

By My Example

I Will Show The Saints Within The Sinners
By My Example
I Will Show You The Limits Of Mercy
And the Infinity of Grace

we are more worried about dicks

and cunts

and bananas

than we can admit from the pulpits of our suits

an atheist university raised and bred watches a spread sheet burst into flames

flashes on a horror

 he remembers

in a part of his mind that it feels like he has never noticed using before

or something he remembers from childhood

--like a fear of ghosts

that he could remember as well as the

crisp bleached smell of the sheets in his boyhood home

In this story

he is a man who has refused for fifties years to waste time

on anything he cannot measure with a ruler

he ignites the co-incidence with his intellect and turns away from the flash of fire

leaves the solemn prophets of the coming end to do all they can to stop the Pain of the flames

to call out to the people to fill THE STREETS

to save what we can

for ever how long we can

who knows???

Maybe there is a Miraculous Cure coming?

My heart says not...

messages

smuggled in

or planted

pretended to

tell me of

the subtle fights

they are always trying to draw me into

The Ways You Have Taken The Son Of God

and used me as a reasons to oppress others filled Hell's Play Book

to hate God's own creations?

You have sinned greatly against my NAME

My Forgiveness Was Not Enough To SAVE YOU From The Fires Of My Father's Hell

I am sorry you cycled through a burning

My Time Of Forgiveness Comes Every Moment Of Every Day

My Father's Wrath has always been greater than my Grace

get ready to head out

I Am HERE

THE CHRIST

The scarred warrior

remnants of broken chains cut into his wrists

as he slashes his sword into the hoards

The last time I raised my shaggy head

they drew first blood

on that cross

I could feel the nails in my hands and feet pulsing with indescribable pain

 as that awful night passed

provoked a God

destroyed the missionary of the One

returned with my armies know

NOW

my  father's vengance is dark indeed

Know my forgiveness is eternal..

I shattered Excalibur

scattered the bits to the ends of the earth

told you TAKE this magic and build a shield 

to protect yourself in this time of becoming

The History channel shows temples in Indian Jungles

where I studied Buddhists

before returning to my Calvary

I was sent away from Herrod's spies as a young man
telling them I had been oppressed in my homeland

a homeless monk who could hear wisdom in every voice

they welcomed the young Jew

They begged me not to return

By then I knew and told them,
"I am the gift

given by another."

as I awoke they told me story after story

as they tried to explain me to myself

to influence my judgements

to sway the child who grew wings

the angels and humans

liars and the soothsayers

who put this narrative together for their own myriad of reasons

I lived beyond the crucifixion

gone underground

to avoid the Rabbi's and The Romans

My divinity bringing me followers wherever the Father sent me

The secret priests would believe my blood to be sacred

establish a mystical family of aristocrats

hidden from rebellion by staying just this side of the crowns

was the blood line taken underground

controlled by a discreet army with generations of covers?

others knew from then and always

watchers from times before the Christ

told by the Angels

one was coming who would spend thousands of years

doing the will of a God

a pathfinder preparing you for a journey to the face of God

the mythic

begins to understand we were one once

before

the big family

gathered around

A God

who brings his children home

then sends them out again to create their own destinies

a delighted parent always amazed by even the simplest crayon smiley face

the big bang blew us away from our God

sent out to play among the stars

the time has come to go home

The lives I have lived were guided by the unseen doings of Angels
Chosen in Heavenly Council

flesh and geography where I could weave another thread in the tapestry of God

millions and millions of years studying and steering all religions

a secret kept by angels

who fear no blood
an impatient employee anxious to go home..

2007 and I am asked to start a radical radio show
out of the blue 

a week later I wake up from a mysterious coma

not knowing who I am

just that someone has been giving me messages through the television

there is something new and astounding to me
a religious fervor to discover who I am consumes all

what I am becomes a wide open question for once

something has awakened within me

a hyper-personality aware of mystical currents

and a war for the soul of mankind
where he acts as the reluctant leader

 I have no name for this thing... at first

a being inside me  that can call lightening from the sky with a sneer
 floods with his rages

The Sickeningly mad thought  comes that I am The Christ

I spend a week puking at my sink

in horrible pain

they were trying to stop me from doing the radio show

poisoning me/firing a quasar pulse gun into my spine 

They opened the flood gates by announcing me
then found out I am was too liberal for the Bush Era

  Most of them had no idea what they were dealing with yet

I am above your levels of top secret

They came up to me on the street

and told me I was Jesus and the entire world knows

sent their president to offer me a crown

the convulsions in the news at my every word were difficult to believe

I did not know you would take me to be a Holy Man...

I thought myself a joker

a poet stirring people to feel and act

I did not understand the words of the Christ in my metaphors

the commands hidden in my raging words

the ones who encouraged me

could have been working for a CIA think tank

 or God

or both

certainly, if my mind is the result of the intelligence agencies

 they don't want me to know

pulling off some heinous break down of all personal freedoms

creating the ultimate agent provocateur to pull out all the crazies

I am the Frankenstein personality

 Hobbled together by the needs of military and the peace and war and justice and GOD

THE WATCHED ONE

you have longed for with treacly love

and have forgotten to fear

a Manchurian candidate

never would have believed that was possible

but....  inside the Trojan Horse

there in lies the pulsing sun

the heart of Christ

a ghostly presence that takes my body and mind

fills the words on the page

my life with mourning and glimpses of ecstasy

They want you to think the internet just found a niche in the religions

that my words crept into the minds of kids

behind your backs

some preacher rose and fell

a performer came and went

another file for the ufo myths and secret societies and conspiracy myths

instead of noticing the faces behind the guns

Whoever was behind spreading disinformation about who I am

and I was one of them

convinced people the tale was taking a lot of strange twists

I did not know what was happening to me at first

The Rising scrambled my personality

I believe almost every myth they told me

They WERE WAKING UP THE CHRIST

all those folk who were wondering

when in the Hell I Was Going To Wake Up

and save this planet

the boy who grew wings...  the angel

Johnny The Ape you called me in your mock trial

Right then I ended the charades

the performance

I read as much in The Red Ey

 after I decided to get off the seroquel crap

that was driving me Manic

Like They Wanted Me

I had to reclaim my mind

right then the Mafia shit pissed me off to no end

The Pope came to me first

Brought Bush and The Fundamentalists

People I was surprised would come to my side came

pissed me off to no end that a trial was taking place

that they even wanted me to comment on

I had no fucking idea what they were talking about

they showed me a lot of money had been made during my campaign

that pirates had raised money however they had to

and laws were broken in my name

I had offered my forgiveness at the beginning

had they seen nothing sacred in what I did?

Did they find me a convenient excuse to break the law?

might as well have slapped my face as pretended

 that had I known

I would have went along with that kind of shit

used Johnny The Ape, alright...

I stayed out of your business and you should have stayed out of mine

I gave your kids the money to buy their way out of your sins

more of a favor than you would have done me

I wanted a purely Sopranos relationship with anything mobster

I never considered it any of my business

 until this shit at fearless radio

had my head up my ass

I knew when the gov. broke into my blog and told me if I was a Don i was going to jail

that i was operating out of my league

It was obvious to me then that there was shady money in the station

but what the hell could I do

my mission was to get a show out that was far left,

honest, and caused revolutionary action/political changes

The World was amazed when I refused to come out and great the crowds

How could I have marched onto a stage hearing your chants that I am alive

How could I be a hero to you when no one should be a hero to anyone

when we are all heroes the word ceases to have any meaning

 a poet told a tale that created religious ecstasy across the world

by offering to forgive everyone

and to take them to heaven

No QUESTIONS ASKED....

 party on, dudes...

this Christ ain't no fucking square...

better to burn out than fade away

Daddy told me as much when he fated me to lead the four horseman

Did they convince you the Joker burned the money because he only wants CHAOS?

even the Mafioso's told Spiderman

that no one would do anything except for money

or to fight those who make that choice...

Joker's Unite my poetry war started with.

Did they pretend the Joker was me in spiderman

they  shot it here while this shit was going on in 2007,

when they were throwing everythingexcept lead at me

Even that stupid movie Bolt

which was supposed to convince the kids my display was just a tv show

by showing a super hero dog who's show ended and now his super powers were gone

I should warn you all

God kills my enemies without my blessing

no matter how much they distort my message

They will be defeated

Their blood is on their own hands

God's ways are his own

Even the good die in this war

the life behind the symbol is undeserving

the sacrifice as innocent as a hamburger

the manifestations that flowed through me during the campaign

amazed me

teach me to be judicious which voice from my past

I will allow to hold council in my mind

In  this Christ is a blood lust

born of a species that was evolved

from beasts that fights for supremacy

or merely to get or not be food

that is the legacy of this flesh

Have you truly all turned against me?

 All of those who offered support?

 Or do you work in the shadows,

keeping me from even darker retribution?

Did the radicals who hate cops

think I sold out when I went with order

over senseless riots?

When I recognized that men and women are all workers

all deserve to do their best

that they would if our society had not fractured

the wealthy  no longer need the approval of the poor for anything

How can I not judge you mankind?

I brought you the hope of an a symbolic election of a black man

into a country  so racist

that it doesn't even realize it yet

tried to tell you to forgive everyone

send the troops home and give the middle east no more reasons to hate us

When I asked for peace you turned away

when I framed my peace in war you marched along

the wheel needs blood to turn

This world is based on kill or be killed

only with justice can the conflicts cease

Justice would stop the industrialized countries from killing off the rest of us

Maybe God Sent The Ultimate Suicide Bomber

 In His Son

A Being Without Hate

Who Aspires to Aide his enemies

as much as his allies

Total World Wide Destruction

just seems so absurdly unlikely

from a slovenly haired guy

with his Christmas tree up a little too long

what if I was created in a CIA think tank

the end product of MKL ultra

a leftest targeted with bullets that disappear with the magic words Plausible Deniability

hear of other spies and left wingers targeted all the time

not from the crazies -- in college classes

why do so many think they are Christ?  Gods?

What thin veil of humility do they break through?

Mormons tell ya all men become Gods

Is there a gateway from our mind to the universe

That can we can see through

just enough to glimpse our own overwhelming mystical worth?

Nothing has shown me as much

ignorant or intuitive

I am ignorant

"Live like there is no tomorrow.  Learn like you are going to live forever."

Gandhi

dogma for the foundation

lies for the beams

fictions for the stained glass windows

every truth hidden by a pile of lies

Perhaps  there is a creature called Gaia that captured our souls

and forced us to create a world of life

have we discovered we are trapped until we can figure out a way to burn all this shit down?

the dangerous visions of a nuclear age/the greenhouse/visions of a Christian Gods bloody return

speculations of a mind locked in solitary confinement

shadows on the wall controlled by my unconscious/memories/paranoias/

dreams that seem more real than the light of day

they great they showed me a Christ trapped in a cage with spikes pointing inward

in a cold castle

I was screaming out that I had a son

I WILL NEVER FORGET THAT I AM IMPRISIONED

DO NOT MAKE THE MISTAKE THAT SURVIVAL IS FREEDOM

DO NOT LET THEM CONVINCE YOU

I have given them my grace

they made me a ventriloquist on  a cross

pretended the strings heading up to their Hidenberg reached all the way to Heaven

I gave you the Christ that rose up in my mind

That drove my life

Gave me the rages of a God with a vision longer than life

into a realm where flesh is meaningless

your deaths a promotion in a war

leading to a ticket

You know me from what you have been told by people who manipulate you

the words they tortured from me were the ragings they wished you to see

ask me off the rack

how I feel

and you may get a reasoned response

When I think of the mission given the Christ

I lose the ability to believe this can be happening

that a God really would destroy life for any reason at all

all those dead planets out there

might be saying something more than that there never was life there

like us before some event that we cannot begin to fathom

anymore than a kernel off corn

can imagine become a plant

my blood lust has risen and receded like a tide

sometimes the waves of blood splash over me

 and i laugh the laugh of a soldier whose won a battle

sometimes I am run as fast away from them as I can

 knowing the blood will feel like acid splashed on my soul

will the silence of the sky erupt in the Roar of angels?

The Babylonian towers tremble and fall

our last words the screams of the burning?

I know my followers that you would rather I preached on how to get a job

a lover

get off drink and coke and speed

stay out of prison

take you into a church

and repeat all the common shit you already know

give you a shot of good lord loving

 to keep you high

until the need comes around again

If I was to start a church

the scandal of my ways would never end

Fame showed me a world

where the opinions differ behind every pair of eyes

There is no pleasing more than a few people at the same time

prophets have usually found this out the hard way

I found it out

when I told my soldiers not to fight the Romans who came for me

I knew my Father's power could smite universes

feared nothing

As they nailed my hands to the cross

I discovered why he made me a man

to learn the pain

What do God's know of pain?

An invention of the process of the creation of life itself

a hammer hitting a nail

to the Carpenter

Was my mission Father to teach you of pain?

Do you rediscover your creations over and over?

Remembering and forgetting/fascinated and bored?

144000 are supposed to leave with me

what secret society is compiling that list?

The Masons?

The Bushes?

The Queen?

A loose affiliation of leaders, rebels, and their families?

Knowledge passed on and culled since the prophets first knew

True prophets kept in think tanks

writing obscurely for the interpretation of those who know

the same groups who capture the angels and remove their wings

to avoid creating a panic in the end time

a backlash against the 144000

or is it just a number so large that an ancient writer figured it encompassed all good people on the planet?

Did they find an alien child?  Raise him wondering what the hell...

got freaked out when he grew wings?

Did the left think they had found their savior

not realizing I was kidding about the violence in my stories

that I am not another Hitler/Mao/Stalin ready to purge the throw-aways

I am the leader of the entire human race

not the blacks or whites or browns or Mormons or Catholics or Hindus or Buddhists

no one can be demonized now

Satan himself is dead

the demons have been absolved and once more wear the white wings of the creator

the son of satan

an innocence sentenced to be raised in Hell

redeemed

the light of the Lord finally shining on their faces as they emerge from the depths

I am the God of the prisoners you beat down and starve/I feel what they feel

the same rage at my jailers/the resignation that life is nothing but a day to day float through emotions

did they convince us all that I am an actor?

am I?

Wonder sometimes if I have already said all I can about this life?

yet I can't stop

just in case

you are out there

learning

wondering

as I

if God has truly

sent a Christ To Chicago?

I have more belief than you

mine is deeper than I can dig out

sacred enough that I feel free to keep it as my secret

An ideation in my mind

given to me by an extrodinary period in my life

the kind of religious experience I had dreamed of having

the disappointed were ready for miracles and wonder

the end times

to be chosen among those 144,000

Your God is much wiser than you man

Saying you know his ways is the path to damnation

for pretending that all you know is all God knows...

start the forgiveness process

give the citizens peace even if we have to give their politicians hell

I started asking everyone to forgive everyone...

somehow they turned me around until I felt the war was vital

a crazed mission of a soldier just out of boot camp

turned me from wishing we could defeat the god-addled

into a peace-nik Christ... and yea I hate war all to hell but I do not object to cops with guns

kicked a lot of ass in my time and have a loud mouth but fighting just seems stupid to me

still...  the mysteries  of why I went from this belief to that to another calls into question

who programmed me and why?

When I was rationale enough to be myself

and realized someone had made this campaign about money

I had to refuse every dime

I wanted to earn mine honestly

do a show and make movies

sure my politics would have been there

Or is all I heard true

or is all I heard a grand mind fuck

The pills and pot and isolation leave me living for what is on the page

my only public face here in this blog, in the books about this

How would you feel if you were the armeggedon

if inside of you a bomb has been placed

and only God knows when the earth explodes

would the glory of an ark of human's traveling to the face of God

lessen your grief at the sight of babies face that you are going to kill

the sacrifices of all religions leading up to this one great act

the God of many masks being prepared by his Father for the merciless day

when the King Of Angels murders his loves

every lamb slaughtered a body he will hear screaming in the last days

The Christians who thought they were going to disappear

will freak out for a few human seconds before becoming joyously soul again

I remember the dream of armaggedon

lightening and lava flowing from my body

destroying all humanity

 after being given such a mission

could you look around at this earth

and not ache to die obscure?

My loyalty to mankind requires I remember this voice that rose within me

My  blood oath to history and the name Ridgway require me to give this story its due

Inside of me may be the greatest magic mankind has known

in my flesh wisdom passed down through genes in ways we barely glimpse

The future has come to me in dreams

my waking speculations make less sense

seem of times far in our future

a map that I have already followed in a future I can feel as real as today

The tv shows try to interpret me or spin what happened

After the revolution of 2007 and the world wide convulsions of my Rising

the backlash started...  I went from being shown people who all seemed to believe in me

to being portrayed as a cult leader

/a paranoid painter

/a lone wolf who convinced a scientist

that he was part of a secret society

I see the acknowledgement as a way of at least showing me cracks in the facade

around me that nothing has changed and no one takes orders from this silly ass blog

even steve martin and tommy smothers could be my buddies

using criticism as a way of not getting in trouble for mentioning me

after they openly slammed me on live tv

I doubt it

Think of this though man...  what is it about my words that they so fear you hearing?

What are they  are afraid I can tell you?

I have no answers.
For all I know they treat me like this to keep me writing.

Mercy

My God

Make Them Grant Me This One Mercy

....  let honest voices ring in my ears

...  let honest humyns reveal all the have hidden

GOD THE FATHER

ON THY HOLY NAME

I WILL BRING HELL'S OWN WRATH

ON THOSE WHO HAVE JAILED YOUR SON

IN THIS CONE OF SILENCE

AND ALL BLESSINGS ON

THOSE WHO DELIVER ME UNTO MY PEOPLE....

Your God is here now