slumber

winters  heavy slumber
the solemn silence of snow
christmas lights strung with dim hopes
of something like Santa

science has proven that looking at bright lights can lift our moods,
same research that got me started painting
selfishly enough
to sooth some wound

tattered traveler between times and places
a visitor to others stories
tells his own alone in mystery
free for all to see



i think again and again of the death of the revolutionaries
the protester's jailed and beaten
all over the planet
for all kinds of reasons
the war against the progressive

THOSE WHO MADE IT
IN THE OLD WORLD
FEAR THE NEW
THEY PREFER TO HAVE
RATHER THAN HAVE NOT
HUMAN.... ALL TOO HUMAN

we will have less and less as the population blossoms
learn to live with it
less garbage and packaging and pompous sales packages
stream line what you need
hoard only words

the changes we see make the future understandable at least
tactical problems that can be approached without controversy
the war for justice will not be raged by armies
the war will be fought between those who make great wealth
exploiting the environment
and the rest of us
for 20 years we have ignored the scientists
I mean, what the hell.... no one died in a nuclear war
the clicking clock they move ominously toward midnight every year
saying the scientists believed we were this close to that big war
end of life
and doesn't every generation think the world is going to end?
all the ad hoc arguments that grow with our beer bellies

we barely take into account the nukes anymore
they are still nightmares out there
suicide bombers will get them if we don't play world cops
nuclear phallic symbols rising into the sky all over the world

left over bombs
from our years of fears
our propoganda spewed hatred
our idealogical wars
fought with very real blood
spies
lies
greed and bigots and dreamers and writers

we have the big bombs and can't use them to win a war
afganistan, iraq, pakistan, iran and whoever the hell else we are fighting here and there
can't use em

wouldn't do no good
just turn the entire world into our enemy
give Israel an excuse to pop off a couple nukes of their own
blow up a few Arabs and grab the god bestowed land --ho, ho, ho says their Santa...

the theory of nothing
rattles around the sleepless night
awake with a glowing christmas tree
hazlenut coffee
a sleeping Husky
a nice scene
comforting
M. laying on the couch snoring a little now and then

cnn discussing the greenhouse effect
hearing about the rising anger of the poorer countries
that are going to suffer for our largesse

hard to argue with the idea that america russia china and canada
have set into motion a geographical catastrophe
that we will pay for
when the storms and floods come
we will send in our soldiers and relief
do what we can
send out our prayers
emote
tell ourselves our healing energies will help the starving

the actual fact that the people who are responsible
for pushing oil on people
are going to make us pay for their sins'
with our entire planet
chokes me with the old fucking injustice....
injustice.
the vile face of the demonic
when the CIA got in bed with Exxon the gates of hell opened a bit
I can  feel the heat


we are not going to get a solution
 out of the ruling powers
 in any of the large countires
the movement could use interlocking green political parties that agree to press certain issues
a movement that creates Justice
to fight the packs of corporate lawyers who fight it tooth and nail
reactionaries to the reactionaries


we were lured out of the jungle
into the fields
to hunt
where there were no trees
no where to climb
away from the charging jaguars
who would bat our spears and clubs aside
show us just who was the top predator on the plane
we forgot us much in our cities
see the big cats only in zoos
slaves to our curiousity
we won the war


the face of the world
is pathetic
apathy
apathy
no money to attend no protestors
give to a cause
can't risk the job asking for a union

I can't see through the snow storm outside
seems the entire world is gone
the tv just a cheap lie about some other place that I do not inhabit
with news I don't  need to know
opinions that offend me
I can't listen to the right wing pundits
actors pretending they have ethical positions
instead of just propaganda agendas
gotta please that right wing boss at fox
by slamming those liberals
gotta shape the usa mind
gotta pretend
they have the proper spin
they offer a mythic 'other' for the real news i suppose
people prefer as much
like the Limbaugh people who are just happy to have
someone to think for them
to give them a way to live
that frees them to hate
be selfish
racist
sneaky
to take their orders from republican politicians
reading those talking points like they were the news

the prophets are cloaked
by their mundane appearance
obscurity
the terrific loneliness of thinking out alone
where no one else has quite been before
speculating on every religion
in my mad run for glory
for forgiveness
for a way of living that was better than the one I had

when my spaceship crashed
I was surprised just to be alive

my memories muddled
when I split my head open as we hit the side of a mountain
i try to remember who I was out there?


who were we these humans
that tore so boldly across this planet
these warrior poets
who prided themselves on being a bit more than they really were?

Who were these foolish saints
poets and town criers?

Will we remember to live hard enough to make this journey worth it?
Have enough fun to suffer the scars?
Keep our youth until the end of our years
a secret between ourselves and a few friends?


grace the revered Jackson says
Grace Before Thanks
I don't get Christmas Cards from people who I got out of prison

Grace
in a word loaded for fucking bear

an inner strength that says you can take anything
have to
that's your job
to live
just to live


that fire of faith burns in every christmas light we pass on the highway
spews through bad seasonal movies
tonight was Santa Verses The Martians
watching the low to no budget movie is
my response to the chaos on tv
the health care debacles
our poor president doing his damnedest
to do more than any other president ever has

problem comes when we find out we can no longer rely
on consumer spending to run the engine of this economy
more people/less resources/
simple bad old math of the population explosion
we hear less and less about this since AIDS came around
changes that dire prediction
the mystery disease that solved what was then thought to be the coming end of life'
as  we know it... a soyent green world
a disease that killed junkies and gays
sexual radicals and huge swaths of the African population

hear a lot of rumbles about the disease being created
hard to believe
like 9-11
the false flag mission that started the war with the middle east
on a day that all the military pilots were on a massive training mission
no one shot down the terrorist planes
there was explosives involved in bringing down the towers
bam
bam
bam


they did it.
got their war.
hard core folk.
they thought nothing of torture, extraordinary rendition, horror prisons murder
I guess that one will be hidden in the spies files for a few years yet
they'll admit as much in a hundred years
preserve the republic and all that

the lesson still has to be learned
taught
so the children know how governments gear up populations to want a war
how they lie to get their way
how they cannot be trusted
how the media will go along with them for the most part

we will get beyond war
it will end
we have abandoned too many people in the past
the Afgani's once already
Iraq, too

Both places we've been playing war games with
we loved Saddam for awhile there
boy they killed him fast
I wish he could have lived on to write his story
what tales such a man could tell
he might have become a pillar for peace
or he might have been a lightening rod for revolution?


I want to forgive everyone and pray for as much at night
In the mornings sometimes as i wake up

my sins are vague, unrelated to my day to day
I do not want to hate anyone
even the Taliban
I do not want to sentence women to live in such near slavery
they should fight for their rights
no religion that matters would keep women out of school
true Muslims know as much
there are too many paths up the mountain
people take the ones that are easiest to follow
they fear going off on their own'\
out into the forests
where they might just run into a mystical beat
all
their own


polemics of comedy and strife and poetry
the blogging of a life
new technology
for a new kind of writer
the free
original
true

the exacting of an audience without having to live by the publishers
tastes
the market

write a spy book, romance, something about vampires....
sell sell sell what the hell

don dellilo's writer wrote porn for children to read about each other
had the market covered for awhile
now we have the twilight series


there is enough room in the universe for all the words we will ever tell
I fear they will burn up
we'll send something out into space about ourselves
maybe even a few fragile survivors
aliens could show up and help us out

mystic me
I think that the body
is a very boring way to travel
who needs it?
Give me a spirit to fly around space with,
please,
because it is quite large....

buddha I will have to come back I suppose
unless the dreams of fire and lightening call me to act in the name of God
create an apocalypse on the shores of Lake Michigan
the final burning off of the chaf
an ark of souls
embarking for the face of God
prodigal children returning from the big bang

act dammit man act
rage into their lying faces
sue the news for lying to you
for false advertising about fairness....

in the paranoid world of the right wing
they see my drifts toward socialism
as the beginning of lining up the greenhouse deniers and getting rid of their gene pools first

more taxes they advertise as they talk about defeating health care
oh, don't make us pay more taxes they say.
Everyone wants universal healthcare except the healthcare companies who will be reigned in for once
The reality of politics

i wrote the other day that Obama is Cheney in black face.
I didn't really mean it... just thought it was kind of funny
he inherited a war and an economy that is fighting his every reform
I still wear my elect Obama hat
though with my long hair flying everywhere
 I can tell some look at me as slightly mad
long hair does that to some people
oh well
no false advertising there

more than you can ever appear
oh man
take comfort
where you can

THEY ARE USING THE FINANCIAL CRISES TO KILL THE UNIONS.

The very unions that created the middle class, are being ignored in the favor of financiers who are getting a 140 billion in bonuses.    If I was truly a conspiracy theorist, I would wonder if the elitists created a crises for which they have no worries about actually having to pay for, to destroy their enemies in organized labor.. 


Today it's the teachers, firemen and cops who are paying for the housing bubble... instead of the folk who created it.  These are the people who could save this planet, but instead...  oh, well.  


I see the Immigration rights workers, black activists, liberals, unions,  and people of all stripes who believe in preserving the idea of a Democracy, as the natural recruiting grounds for a peaceful movement that can be utilized to force worldwide reactions in places like Copenhagen.   Political parties do this by staying on message.  In formation information. 


What happens in the streets though, can be easily undone in the back-rooms.   How do we get into the back rooms?  In some countries they just shoot their way in.  That is not going to work in a country like ours, thank god, because I do not want to live in the midst of a civil war. .. for one, and the other is that if it is that easy to take over our government, than some other asshole is going to do the same....  As intolerable as this country can seem at times, there is a fluidity to the laws that we live by which offers actual hope for change.  The only real hope in my opinion is in convincing enough people that they have a right to a say in how their world is ran.  It happens sometimes.  Right now, the idea of FINANCIAL REFORM is just too boring for most people to think about, or too infuriating, or beside the point with the wars and unemployment and prisons...  yet I read how Goldman and Sachs has stacked the cards in their favor, and no one is doing anything about it?


The money that we are using to prop up the banks may be what saves the system, for all I know...  still, justice is justice, and they should be paying up for their capitalist ideas by being able to fail.  Barring that, we have to put into place regulations that stop speculators from unrealistically building housing bubbles... as well as the speed trading that is just basically playing the stock market like a broken slot machine that just pays and pays.... you, while sucking up that change out of everyone's pockets around you.  


Sad that there has to be a connection between the greed on wall street and the need for better schools, college tuition, and the vast teeming masses of unemployed people.   This whole thing happened before with the collapse of the savings and loans, and is set to happen again....Goldman Sachs profits off of such bubbles, so they have no incentive to stop them, indeed... they have every reason to encourage them.   These are men with such vast wealth that they need not work another day in their lives, so that old fear of going under is not going to stop them from making short term profits that eventually fuck their companies.


I feel so out of my element on some of the things I write about.   End up trusting my gut more than I should.
















  Does it always come down  to who can afford the best lobbyists?   If that is so, than liberal consortium's should hire their own guns.  I mean, it is not like lobbying for your rights has to be a dishonorable profession, obviously.   

statistical proofing

only 51% 

OF PEOPLE IN THE LAND OF THE FREE (to be deluded and lied to) USA 

NOW BELIEVE IN THE GREENHOUSE EFFECT

This is down from 71% in 2007....

 HOW DID WE GET SO MUCH STUPIDER

 SO QUICKLY?

 AN EVOLUTIONARY LEAP BACKWARDS

 HAS BEEN TAKEN

RIGHT into our graves

did a subsonic order go out

the alarm clock for some deep seated hypnotic suggestion

drilled in

by subliminal messages

inserted into tv shows

telling us all to cram crayons up our nose

for a makeshift lobotomy?

Did the message of Apocalypse sink so deep into our collective mind

that the POLLUTING of the earth seems  the will of the Gods?

Is there a cabal that believes they are playing their parts in a prophesy

by pushing the earth toward the fiery end?

Is the damage so great

that we have to deny the fate of the Polar Bears and Penguins

 and the thousands of species already gone baby gone

to get on with the day to day drudgery

to chain the creature that wants to destroy all man has wrought?

Do Exxon and the Neo-Con Insurgency

lobby for Revelations with the religious right

buy up all the prosperity ministers

to spread their message to the KNOWN GULLIBLE?

only the oil companies and big polluters want you to believe

everything is fine

to act otherwise would be bad business...

and after all to them it is 'just business,' as they say

'nothing personal' as they say

to put out a few ad's pretending they have no responsibility for their sins

is 'good' business

the hockie scenes are enough to get a few believers

who are propped up by their perfectly legal purchase of  politicians

the strip miners and oil barons have  a market that forgives them

with the patience of  a Saint

name anything they can get away with

or buy their way out of

--so far that means anything from murder on down...

has our xenophobia just gone wild

as the internet and tv force us to confront all the cultures of the globe?

has our hatred for other races and religions and sexes

grown into a prevailing urge

rationalized in all languages and with every religion

to take out our enemies and kill ourselves afterwards?

could be the plain old too banal

to even write about in the times

ability of Big Money to subtly manipulate our beliefs

by dangling the sparkling and coveted beads in our face

20 minutes for every 40 of tv?

we

start out as children

 reaching for toys in tv screens

and end up dressed exactly as the people in our favorite shows

we

are  told

he best of us

are never satisfied

asked on our job applications if we get a gold star for being Money Motivated?

the republicans keep 71% of their constituents

 duped on this GREENHOUSE

have to...

 no one is so cheap that they wouldn't pay taxes to save the planet

I always think if they only got people who they represent

to vote for them

the .oo1 percent that they take their orders from

they would all be thrown off office

leave it to the conservatives to make a bi-partisan issue out of survival

could anything make their agenda more obvious

that they fight for a powerful minority

whose interests contradict 99% of the planet's population

they are actually fighting against the health of the planet

their true agendas are achingly obvious to anyone

who is not attending their pep rallies

who hasn't been brainwashed and beaten down into the Fraternity.

or bought

mystical spells are woven to hide the truth

as they march us into the death camp

scientific denial will get you no where but dead...

that at least has been proven to all

we would not all come out and deny medical doctors claims

about pancreatic cancer

but every boof on the street

 has an opinion on the Greenhouse

which if you read up on it you kind of realize that anyone who is against it hasn't

or they've been lied to

or outright bought by vested interests

who have playing that pr game for generations

out of sight

behind closed doors

in private rooms where they grow their own politicians

con men always sway the masses with religious cadences

and charts that hide the lurking ponzi's

the politicians and pundits

play a symphony of what is best in us

our charity and bravery and sense of justice

reduce our free will to Pavlovian responses

triggered by symbols

 buried in speeches and car ad's

use us as notes for a concert

played for the ears of their Dark Lords alone

our passions expended on the ethereal ethics of the moment

pulling that handle in the voting booth and squirting our load all over that machine

we head home tired

look around at all we have

wonder how the house is going to take the coming floods

what the waters will sweep away?

my new guitar....  purple viper....  looks much sweeter than this, hand polished to a great shine, and the black is very, very deep... as is the purple.

essential mental rhetoric

Right makes might

versus 

Might makes right

the equation we wander around within

with no fucking idea how to math our way out

power bases have to get that might somewhere

they take bits of each of us

build gated communities out of our flesh

tremble tremble tan polished man

your substance is composed by designer labels

and we are shutting those sweat shops down

taking the diamond tierra's off your princesses

tossing them into the vat of blood

where they belong

YOUR LIFESTYLE IS KILLING US

huff on by in an Ayn Rand Rage of righteous indignation

I take slim comfort in the thought that People all look the same

after the guilty verdict

it will come too late

too late

too late

i don't blame dogs for being dogs

or humans for being humans

Your children's children 
will lack the grace of my denial
as they wage daily wars to merely survive
the shifts of population
the rationing of breathable air
the unfairness of living in slums within sight  of the Billionaires barricaded oasis's 


the more money they have 
the more might they can  buy
private armies of lawyers and lobbyists
politicians, cops and spies
criminals and front organizations and newspapers, tv stations ...
sad ass economics
the naked math
charting our demise


we need to use less
and go down fighting for a few extra bucks to buy more

NOAM CHOMSKY MENTIONS TOTAL WAR FOR TOTAL PEACE

And makes my arguments.  Take that Tommy Smothers, you ball sweat lapping flea.  The title of the article was something like Making War To Get Peace.  He was writing about the Congo, and the shamelessly racist nature of The United States priorities when it comes to sending in soldiers.  War is not always wrong, obviously...  however, since we inherited an Imperialistic system that then began to be propped up by  the corporate ruling class, most of our choices have been all about the almighty dollar -- the CIA has it written into their mandate that they are supposed to protect USA business interests.  Did you know that?   Yes, creating a small army for Exxon to gun down the people protesting the oil sludge they throw anywhere they fucking want in lawless countries (check how someone behaves when they think no one is looking to find out who they really are...  not that I am encouraging stalking, though normally I do).  People alone can end up with very, very strange stories they tell er doctors about how the light bulb ended up in their but.  One guy I know choked himself to death with his ex-wives panties and pictures of her all over the bed.  Erotic Asphyxiation  

The neo-cons recently booted from the White House acted like laws no longer applied to them, and look how crazy the domestic spying has gotten --20k american citizens added WEEKLY and millions of us being monitored--the sheer waste of money is mind--boggling...  can you imagine a business that was doing security for america wasting their resources on every college kid who goes to a protest, everyone who goes to Indymedia's websites (they recently tried to get them to turn over everyone who has been to the site, and they refused...  and we are talking 100k plus people -- which they probably would have added in a week...  they really do have a goal of having files on everyone who matters).  Mostly I am referring to the Iraq war.  They lied and conned and had the idea 10 or more years before they finally got a shot at the middle east.  We were already in Afghanistan kicking ass, why pass up the chance, they figured?  Why?  Perhaps because no one else in the country wanted to invade.   So they invented a nuclear threat  (something I learned from them, by the  way, for those who remember my own nuclear related poetry and the resulting mess of confusion that drove Hillary Clinton into thinking the revolutionaries rising around the country during the most active, so far, period of my campaign were from Syria.  Ho....  ).  We abandoned the conflict in Afghanistan, basically... to chase after someone, mostly, because they had tried to kill the present presidents' dad.  I heard him say this once, and about vomited...  he kept saying, The Guy Tried To Kill My Dad....  like that is reason enough to kill hundreds of thousands....  The privileged rich sure do think different.

Now, I am trying to understand the present troop surge in Afghanistan.  I really want to support Obama, to believe that he is the one who has been in intensive meetings for three months, and I have to trust that he knows more about what is going on than I do.   No one in the press seems to ever want to just say, "Well, perhaps if we knew what they do, we would feel the same way."    Let's face it, he is more aware of what is going on in the world than most people... way more than some.   And since he does not seem to really have an ideology like Trickle Down Economics or some other Voodoo Economics to drive his decisions, I would hope he would decide like I would.

IT is hard to trust someone else.   Especially politicians.  We are simply not used to it.  Everyone on the left is disappointed with Obama, but this has always been his stated position -- We need more fight in Afghanistan, and less in Iraq.  He has always supported this war.  He is doing what he thinks has to be done to protect national security.  Ossama Bin Laden recently came out and said what it would take for them to stop their war on the states, and one was that we stop supporting Israel.  Well, 40 percent of the billionaires in this country are jewish, and if you think we are going to stop supporting them, you do not understand how this country works at all.  Money not only talks, it has puppet strings leading right to your very own legs...   This means that they are at war with us whether we are there or not.


If we left and the terrorists used the country as a launching ground for a huge terrorist attack, Obama would suffer for his decision, and so would the states....  a Republican would almost certainly get in and be given a rubber stamp to kill whoever/wherever/// snatch anybody... open back up those private prisons and torture with impunity.   Yes, you can't win sometimes.  Weighing future pain against present pain is difficult for people.   Most people can't save because they do not want to scrimp, let alone eat right, etc...  if we can put off pain, like the cancer from smoking, we will do it.  That is obviously not optimum, and would be a very shitty trait in a president.

I was saddened by the faces of the soldiers in the audience for his speech.  All they were hearing was that they were going to war.  You could tell they didn't want to... who would?  Anyways...  I guess since I have always hated the Taliban, I should be more pleased than I am with this decision... after all, the Marines asked for this years ago, and on the radio show we talked about it a lot, how the Taliban was regrouping while bush went after the guy who tried to kill his dad.

I can't help but feel like shit that he went with a war, but he did what he feels he has to... I voted for him firmly believing that he was more qualified to be president than I am...  that he would make decisions that I believe are right.   So...  I guess here is to hoping he knows what he is doing.  The speech was convincing to me, and  I like that he wasn't cocky and thank god he did not talk about Winning a War... there are no winners.  He knows that.

hollywood -- where the ugliest old fucks get hot women...

You ever noticed this?  Hugh Hefner, old ugly fuck, all around bag of std's, ends up with four hot blonds.  The whole Playboy thing started in Chicago, in a nondescript building just off the famous Miracle Mile shopping district.  I suspect part of why he had to move to LA was because he could not quite find the proper level of Bimbo that he needed for his particular foray into creating a new way of living/or an old style.
The whole 'drug party with orgy' house scene would not have gained a legendary status in Chicago -- he would have had to stay underground.    In LA, where the nations morals are created by the predominate controlling method used on the masses,  they worship a dirty old man. . .   and now he has a tv show where the Blondest of Bimbos all bray like donkeys about how much they love living the party life.  Everyone of morals has to kind of look at this and see a lot of pitfalls, though no straight guy can say that they do not envy Hugh Hefner.  Hands down.  He has basically created the Muslim view of heaven.  He actually tops them, having laid well, well over just 72 women...  he lives in a Mansion with a grotto and most famous people and rock stars are dying to come to one of his parties.   There is a lot there to worship in a cultural icon.

 He  lives by the adage that all men would live like he does if they had a choice, and the guests to his castle all seem to agree.  They fuck those bunnies and drop those drugs like pros.  Hefner.  Remember when he got married?  Just before Viagra came out and set him free to be a slut again.  I was a slut just after high school. Sex was a banquet, the easy way to feel good, and almost endlessly accessible....  what a trip love became in my empty life.  I was finally accepted by another person I cared about, something that did not come easy in my family, where my eldest brother had brought a certain violence into our home life.    The only way I learned to say no to sex was to get married.   Having no money or power most of my life, I always got lovers by being handsome and easy going and bright.  I am glad that is who they wanted, and not my wallet or car.  We shared love and lust, not bank accounts.  That was enough for them... though a lot of women considered me marriageable for this reason or that, but I didn't end up with them and there were plenty of fish in sea, so what the fuck.

Women were always falling more in love with me than I somehow could get with them.  I wanted to be madly in love with them and beyond falling for another woman...  when it didn't happen, I was possibly more disappointed than they were.  If not at the time, now, as I play back the gallery of faces, the truly incredible people who were my lovers, I miss them all and regret the messy endings involved in being a slut...  or in love with someone else.  During fifteen years, I was in an open relationship, which was never going to end in marriage, really... that was never the point, and neither of us expected it, though of course at times we both wanted it.   Anyways...  I was always trying to fall in love with someone else.  Couldn't... not until she finally called it off and married someone else.  I did not become a famous writer soon enough for her.  Interesting that my break out came only after I quit the fifteen year oddessey through college that kept me feeling forever like a student and never an expert, just a sponge waiting for the saturation point that would finally start spewing out the inevitable tears of existence...


Back to those ugly old hollywood fucks.  There is a shameless class of women that think money makes up for any loss in giving a shit about being turned on by their lovers body.  A shameless decision that comes from a certain calculating type.   They get to meet movie stars, live like a queen.  Not such a bad gig  --  the actual stated goal on the resume of a grotesque number of  hot, young Hong Kong prostitutes.

What should I care about such things?  Not really my business, I suppose... except as a religious voice, as the preacher, which I sometimes allow to write in here...  a personality instilled in me by the sight of a preacher demanding everyone's respect for his words, whether they necessarily deserved them or not... in my opinion at the time, he was paid to prop up a bunch of stupid, mythical lies about a mysterious deity.


One of these lies, for some, is marriage.  Lot's of people believe in marriage who should not, obviously, since we have a 50% divorce rate.   One of two people we buy presents for, take them and run after that marriage.  Oh, well.  Our culture demands that we believe in certain myths.

Marriage is something all kids believe in, and nature instilled us a few instincts meant just for the young ones, like seratonan  (however it is spelled) bursts when we see a babies face, which most species seem to have, as we see that all sorts of species will raise babies from another's -- including us, of course.

Hefner is no breeder as society see's him.... she had this one mom, then a revolving door of other's at her dad's...  as a child, she could probably not tell them apart -- they all spoke the same speak, and smelled slightly of stale cum...

What can I say about a man who chooses to sleep with young women?  Is he somehow evil for trying to spread his view of life to others?  Playboy attempted to define a lifestyle --  though I suspect I was not alone in thinking they sucked as whack rag, and while they did do some interviews I liked, they were mostly filled with articles I didn't read... to be honest, give me a penthouse any day.   The drugs and sex habits of the sixties and seventies and eighties, the sex clubs that thrived before aids put the cabash on free-love with most...  there are the hardcore elements who will not be swayed by mere threat of death from enjoying life.

Hefner makes fame and wealth look like the Muslim version of heaven (minus that nasty virginity clause ---  I mean, do you know how much those satin sheets at the Playboy mansion costs?  They have little signs by the bed that say 'please don't bleed while you breed,' which is meant for women on the rag, but certainly would cover virgins as well).

The USA, secular as we have become, have had to find a new way of attaining glory.  Heaven was out as a serious contender when Hef showed us Heaven on earth, mocking the old Buddhist adage that life is pain, which our good lord shows me literally every day with my back...  let alone on the news of the day.


The first lie we as humans accept, is that if we were born into another's life, that we would someone act differently.  They would be the exception to the rule.   This is how they condemn people.  I have heard lots of young whites mock blacks not having jobs, when I know for a fact all these businesses that would not consider hiring a black person and the only reasons is prejudice.  Whites do not get this, and they get more jobs.  This leaves a lot of blacks in a situation where they have to seek alternative means of surviving, along the lines of welfare and drugs, which they are always blasted for by prejudiced whites who make it out like they should blame the victim.  We slam the scientiologists for believing that people make themselves sick -- like when the old folks among them die, they have failed to act on their religion and stayed healthy... every death is a failure to them  -- Jenna Elfman would not sign something for babies with aids, because she believed that they could easily think their way out of any disease.  This is bizarro, believable only with brainwashing kind of crap.

We are involved in a cultural war.  We are born into it.  Belief is transferable from fact to fiction, a psychic phenomena that we know can be manipulated by cults, the media, movies, tv and radio shows....  belief is mailable   --- the facts are not, much to the chagrin of the professional liars, but no real obstacle to getting what they want. .


A lot of people are surprised by the cultural war.  Simpson the hollywood bimbo, recently said she was no indian giver asking for some 100 grand boat she bought her love of the moment,  and the Native Americans called her out.  She has to issue an apology.  She will learn a lesson out of it -- simply that her fame comes with a few responsibilities -- if they are going to talk on the level on the press, they are going to be taken as saying something they mean, which cannot be easy for some....

Anyways.... fame and wealth.  I am officially against both until I reap the rewards of both....  bring on the sell out man....  My hand is always out for money that has no blood splattered on it...  I am not one to take a fall for anything I fucking say, believe me....


Do I want you to riot?  If you have to....  my hope is that can be avoided.  Do I want the country to discover spirituality?  Yes, but the veil of percieved Christianity has to be lifted before that is going to happen.  Reincarnation is real, and you can find out as much by going through some hypnosis and shit.  Amazing games are possible in our minds, as I was taught by an unconventional Tibetan Buddhist Monk.   There is more to spirituality than sitting in a church singing, and listening to the message of the man.

Do I think the worship of fame and wealth is going to change by eliminating the hugh hefner's?  Well. Saudi Arabia is putting to death Wizards who claim psychic power for using Black Magic.  I think these people are mostly using bad taste to pretend they are psychic, when by no known test have we ever found someone to be psychic on demand, however obvious it is with the slightest research to discover something is happening with ghosts and spirits, and they do exist.  Shit exists that is too wildly out of whack with the way we navigate the world that we simply do not believe in it... and if we do, then all these charlatans start coming into view trying to make money off of our interest.... by lying, and discrediting ghost stories.  I have experienced one that no science is ever going to dispell.  Just one.  It was enough.  I am in the majority, I would think, if you really asked people what they have experienced, not what they choose to believe, you would be amazed by the people with ghost stories.  Like this celebrity thing on tv now showing their stories.  It is rare for all these stars to come out and say this stigmatizing thing about themselves.  And all those faces...  not as easy to dismiss as words on a website.

Let the rich old men buy women.  Let that be what society smiles upon with a tv show.  Let them tell you it is nothing but mindless fun as you dangle the vision of heaven before them --- the same dangling vision that helps drive young men into becoming bomb laden suicide, getting that ticket to heaven at low, low price of one quick moment of pain before your thoughts are blasted blank one last time.  What message does it tell the young minds seeing the advertisements?  This guy would be banned in some countries, even put to death for his magazine -- which is banned by governments as porno.  What do they know that we don't?  Ever asked yourself why they so carefully guard their religion spewed culture?   All of them.  Not just the fanatics.  Like secular jews who go to all the holidays because they like the culture of being jews, all the little perks of being in the club, the retirement homes, business connections, etc... it is there and vital.  A buddy of mine said he was going to la to be a comedian, and the first thing he was going to do was hit the synagogue and see who to talk to.  He was very intent on success, and believed that humor could be explained in a few simple equations.  He could make people laugh with his formula, but he did not try to make them think.  It was a little scary to think these comedians figure out a formula that makes them funny, then slide around the comedy clubs like an insurance salesman with a tired sales pitch...

I still believe that INFORMATION IN FORMATION is the job of the artists.  The Artist Of Culture Itself, of Man Himself... that is what we are, really, those of us who choose to use the media as a weapon, and that means everyone who is going to make a difference in the world (not to mention those who only wish to appear to be doing so),  politicians and preachers and those like Hugh Hefner, who send out a message that is self-serving, mostly...  rationalizations for their own view point, like fox and The Daly Show, they show us both the evil and the goodish.  The surprise for those of us fighting the good fight, is always that anyone at all would fight against us, because we fight, mostly, against the selfishness of the ruling class, the absolute elitists who are in control of most of the money, and basically allow starvation to have a large portfolio and they do not give a damn about anyone else, or they would probably not have the money in the first place, or indeed the genes of the money maker who made the money back some generations ago....  mostly I think we should have higher taxes because I do not believe that those who have most the money are showing much noblesse oblige.  If the right hundred people were in charge of that money, we could turn this fucking planet around,  This is the secret they do not want you to know, and what drives me crazy.  I was raised hating anyone who was rich and allowed anyone anywhere to starve.  Anywhere,  Period.  I wouldn't have.  Recently Sarah Silverman, who I have the hots for and thank you for giving me your phone number and I regret that my phone, oddly enough, was not able to reach out of state numbers at that time... a courtesy brought to you by Homeland Security.... she echoed something that I have said all along, the Catholic Church should divest of their excess wealth.  They should be selling their fucking Gold.  Every time I see a Church is saying they are bancrupt and can't pay molestation victims, I tell them to melt down one of those gold fucking crowns they have...  the ones in the forms of Crosses.   That is how they use the cross in the vatican, like a goddamn crown.   Silverman said the vatican should melt the gold and feed the poor.  Something I have been thinking since I heard how much wealth they had.

I make certain people uncomfortable with the way I write about wealth.  Once I pissed off the poetry crowd in toledo ohio so much that the boyfriend of a rich heiress who liked to come to the readings, and his two buddies who also married rich women and went around playing poets their whole lives through without ever having to make a living at anything,  wrote a poem condemning me.  I was shocked by it at the time.  I did not realize that the poem I wrote pissed off people.  It was about being object oriented so much that you take people as objects too.  It was pretty clear in the  poem, I thought ... meaning no one got it but me, maybe but making it against the wealthy wasn/t even there...

One night I heard Stewart say something about hating the rich, then going.... wait that is me now?  I didn't want to be taken wrong on this issue, so I wrote that any fool can get rich, it just matters what you do from there.... I could be wrong.  Maybe Christ was right when he said it was almost impossible to get into heaven if you were rich?  He also showed a rich guy who got into Heaven, too, though... so he wanted both points made.  Anyways....

My work here was actually just to ramble around and bury an order for my soldiers to start rioting... oh so soon.   If they  do not cut off what Steven King is the latest to point out....  the DOME OF SILENCE they are keeping me in.  He made the point in the advertisement that I saw to say that all that can get out is some phone, and the internet.... exactly the case with me.  He also wrote that mankinds only salvation is under the dome.  Thank you for that touch.  Steven King at his best is unrivaled.  I read him with total awe when I was a kid.   I am pleased to have such a strong voice in my chorus, and humbled...  the information keeps me alive inside.  You know what I mean....    we are all in this together.... in formation  information.  Let no one stop us.  Period.   We cannot get lost criticizing ugly cultural icons like Hefner.  Better to dwell on how the blonds all get instant, probably Minnie, careers  --  they pay for their shot at fame the old fashioned way, draw fame itself into the oldest profession....  Oh, well.   I cannot pretend to know what cards life has dealt them.  To judge them as anything more than a cultural icon would make me like the witch hunters in saudi arabia in a way.   I would be trying to prop up my ideas with a healthy opposition .... unfortunately, like those who use the mythic jewish conspiracy, it just ain't there....  The media creates their import, and only in the media do they have import.   This is why they are dangerous as hell in a way, whether they feel like they are, or have specific reasons for being who they are.  In ones private life, this is fine... in the public life, one becomes an icon to some, and you might as well be a religious icon for the effect that you can have.   Hugh wanted to be the icon for a certain lifestyle.   He had the money and horniness and access to bimbos to do just that.   He was the sophisticated slut, beyond religious considerations of his sexuality.  Like animals.  This is something that I think leads in the correct direction,  because Marriage has for many years, and still does in places, resembled a form of slavery, another person who you have to get a dowery from the parent because you are going to have to support....  I had an arab friend once tell me to never let the woman carry the money, that it was bad for them.  I could see why you would do this to another person, control their spending and all that as a means of control  ===  the first feminist protests in the states centered around women keeping money from selling eggs, and the whole town went apeshit over the protest against the bibles dictate that women serve men.  This dictate has cost Christianity more feminists than those fucking priests ever want to count...

Marriage is breaking down because it can break down.   That is one way to look at it.  Divorce, being readily accepted, has kept millions of people from being trapped in lifeless, or even abusive, relationships.  Another is that there is nothing sacred anymore, so why should marriage be?  The vow with God is just a formality.

I remember how hard my parents divorce was on me, and how free my sister felt afterwards.  She loved it.  My dad was an alcoholic and mom was better off without him.  Her view.  Ours was young enough that we thought no matter what, people loved each other.  The love of the family seemed to generate from my mother and father, to me.... that they could break up was disturbing in ways I had not before been disturbed... deep in my center something broke.  This happened just before I became sexually active.   I would have been a lion on rut no matter what, but this could not have helped shape my view of long term relationships.  Hefner effecting my view of life a lot back then.   I believed that we were naturally slutty creatures who should sleep with whoever turned us on... a very innocent view, which denied the deeper implications of sleeping with someone, the longing to bond with another on a level that includes forever....  an instinct built into us for the children, that some people get to develop into the deepest friendships of their lives...  fifty years of great love or even okay love from the same person, from the perspective you tend to trust more than any others.... if you are lucky, like me, and date smart women...   is without worth. And that is so because it is instinctual to bond and mate with one person to raise a child... it is also instinctual to wish to impregnate any female that comes around us.     Oh, well...


By the way, in Arabia, they marry the prostitutes, temporarily, so they can boff off within their religion.  Interesting huh,,,























The Violence in Our Household was pretty much just my oldest brother, and me... sorry to say.  I only remember punching one of my brother's once, but they tell me that I hit them a lot more.  I am not surprised, since they could both be little shits at times, especially the youngest, and since I was bigger, and bigger people  got their way in my family, my half-blood siblings had shown me all my life...  of course I also lived in a neighborhood full of kids who liked to fight.  Every sporting event could be expected to end in a fight at any second, let alone any time you meet certain people who you are fighting with from the last fight....  or the person was just a big bully, who if confronted didn't mind showing you he could box your head into mush.

My older brother paul, who got over this and became a good brother to me, if distant, certainly did numbers violent enough to get him tried as an adult at this point in time -- dropping me on my head over two flights of stairs is pretty extreme for a teenager and a four year old.
He really hated me for reasons that were vaguely related to my father not being his father, who despite being really stupid had cared for his kids like no other, had a great job on the railroad and built them a huge slide in their barn... a 30 year old man.  To my dad, 45 and with it pretty easy, working for his dad and drinking hard whenever the hell he wanted,  gathering buddies at bars along the route for 20 years, he had friends everywhere.  Drinking buddies.  A lot of army guys.  WW2.  Legion Hall members.  VFW folk who drank at a semi-private bar with gambling.  Anyways...  not the perfectly committed father, he actually had a life outside of the family.   And with six kids, really, any moment is stolen from them in a way.

more free words for you

let no one tell you nothing

NOTHING

look elsewhere

under rocks and in coloring books


demi-gods of psycho psuedo science
claims of knowledge of the mind

lights in the unconscious
memory dreams lingering thru the rising sun

how my opinions change

fears du jour chisel the words the in the web

i was reading through my old entries, from 2008, and remembering how much I was convinced that we were wrong to be fighting in Iraq when the Taliban was our real target.  I was much more sure that we were in some ways right to battle fundamentalist, terroristic extremists on their land, before they are allowed to carry out their dream strikes against us.  I still believe they have to be taken very seriously, but I am much less convinced that the solution is going to be our military on the ground.  I guess you roll the dice, wonder who is right?  The fearful or military minded who say that this Al Queda army is going to go to war with us no matter what, so we might as well fight now, rather than later...  or those who say put down the guns before you talk.   Get the troops out, let the countries work out their problems -- give them money and exprts.

I was pretty much resigned that Bush would not end the wars.  I wanted that for awhile, people were pushing it...  but I also wanted to know that the Taliban was not going to just wait us out and take over when we left Afghanistan, or leave the country of Iraq in ruins.  Not to mention the whole terrorists over there talking about wanting to blow up Washington D.C....  So no peace came.  The fighting went on.  I wanted to believe that people were dying for a reason, not some chaos...  for ideals, not the military industrial complex and the oil companies.  We went to war because 9-11 felt like Pearl Harbor to a lot of people.    We wanted blood for blood... or as is the american way, we wanted a few gallons for every drop they spilled.

Now they are again asking for more troops.  The civilians do not want them there.  And our soldiers are depressed, killing themselves, and just all around fatigued;  if we want to improve their moral, we should tell them day they are going to get to leave the war zone.  Pakistan has army enough to take care of the Taliban, now that the recent spat of suicide bombings have rallied them against the terrorists.  Before this they were seen as heroes, but now that the 'chickens have come home to roost,' the population realizes the hells they have brought to life by romanticizing war and jihad.

I have somehow gone full circle in the last few years.  I have watched the rise of the Taliban with horror, really, and was glad when we went after the terrorists there.  I have wanted to see Saddam Hussein tried for his sins against humanity since i first learned about the guy. I did not think we should invade the country at the time, though I surely wanted to see the politics there change.   I don't believe we were fundamentally wrong about doing what we wanted to do.  Iraq under a nut-case serial killer with nukes was something we had to try to stop at almost any cost.  Then we found out most of that was a lie, though the mindset of the hawks was that sooner or later, this guy will get them, even if he does not have them now.

Now I read over these old entries and am a bit frightened by my certainty.  I grew up in a world that taught me that sometimes you have to fight... I still believe this.  We have this thing, this army, that can basically try to do good, and defend us around the world... a tremendous tool that sets us apart from almost every other nation.    When you use this tool, though, sometimes it is like black magic, you may get what you want, but it will exact a cost....  we put our curse on the Taliban, mix the spell with dead of our young, the dollars out of our pockets....  the healthcare and the schools...  An army.  A ten edged sword that cuts in unexpected places.

I am glad that we are protected by what is maybe the finest armed forces in the world.  They should ideally be on the forefronts of freedom;  the fundamentalist madness they are fighting in Afganistan alarms the hell out of me.  I imagine that happening here and think I would welcome the fucking Calvary coming in.  In afganistan and Iraq and probably pakistan, the populations are war weary, stressed, and scrambling to hold on in a war zone;  anyone who offers them stability is going to get customers, even the Taliban.    We have brought the fucking wrath of God down on these people.   It has lasted too long and they want something else.

Some people become so convinced that what they want is attainable, that they work themselves to death for an idle dream that never comes true.  Sad facts.  Most fail.  Success is not the norm.


I so want to paint this picture of war in glorious colors, get all treacle over the flags --  for the sake of fallen soldiers, you hate to say war is totally pointless and wrong.   That kind of attitude is unrealistic in the USA.   We have an army and we use it when we feel we have to.  I have benefited from the armed forces of america, as has most everyone in the states.  They have certainly been ill used at times, as all armies are.  I feel for them tremendously.  The young faces always make me think how little of life i had seen when I was their age.  19 years old.  20 and pregnant with her first kid.  Honored by the high schools they just left.  You get to thinking that nothing happening in the middle east is worth this parade of corpses.


Then you have to wonder...  what is worth a parade of corpses?  What is worth torture, extraordinary renditions, the patriot act and the loss of even the illusion of privacy and civil liberties?    We are much better at destroying governments than we are building new ones.  Afghanistan is now run by a man who is surrounded by the kind of corruption you almost expect in a war zone, and uses it to stay in power by stealing elections.   A lot of people in Iraq and Afganistan were happy when we first got there... but after all these years, they are going, "Fucking eh, we thought it was bad then...  but this shit is worse."
The Afgani's want us out, polls say.  Iraqi's, too.   I guess that brings us to the question of what are our objectives there now?   We still want to kill Al Qaeda, the primary target from all those years ago, but is that even necessary now?  Would the countries find peace and stability, if not justice, if we left right now?  Would this look like Somalia?  Would our idealogical enemies declare victory?  Are there really any winners here at all?




Only the future will tell us what we have achieved in the middle east. Almost every politician in the states voted for these wars.  We almost have to believe, collectively, that they have achieved something, that we got... something... for all that blood, besides just a bloodthirsty sense of revenge.  An elaborate response to the 911 attackers, orchestrated by a bunch of oil related politicians who saw it as, among other things, one hopes, a chance to get a government in Iraq that would let us get our hands on some their oil money.   This is what a lot of Iraqi's and Taliban believe.   I hate to think of some idealistic soldier getting shot in the head by a sniper who thinks they are there for the oil.

No good way to say I was wrong, no good way to say I was right.  Truth only works in limited spheres.  I can say that I was right for these reasons, and wrong for those...  both arguments as convincing and true as the other.

I met a soldier once who told me that the reason the first bush pulled the troops out of Iraq without taking Baghdad during the first invasion, was because they believed that Saddam had nukes, and would use them if they tried to take him down.  I wonder if that is the real reason they backed off?  I doubt it.  But that is what they feared, and perhaps why we stopped?  Who can say what would have happened if we had not gone to war?   Would we have suffered more terrorist attacks?  Would Saddam have gotten a nuke and decided to invade someone else, thinking no one was going to risk getting nuked to stop him?  Almost certainly we would have been hit by more terrorists.

Anytime you fight, you risk an escalation of the conflict.  You have  to then reevaluate the situation, ask  yourself if this is the battle you intended, and if not, should you back off and try something else less costly.  Right now, we are battling two foes that we did not think we would have to, at first... The Taliban, it seemed, were pretty much crushed in Afganistan, or at least fleeing to another country.  Saddam was gone.  Okay, so who are we fighting now?  People who have come in since the war escalated.  New fighters.  People who are either ordered by their warlords or provoked by religious passion or driven by monetary concerns.

This is not the war my mind signed on for when I wrote about winning over pre-scientifica-head-in-the-assica.  Now, our presence is a recruiting tool for extremists.  Every civilian causality a poster child for our enemies.

Don't we have a moral obligation to bring people into the light of the scientific 20th century with our wondrous new liberal ethics, women's issues, etc...  sounds stupid but there is nothing wrong with that.  Except the age old wisdom about people hating armed missionaries.  On principal, mind you...  just more folks telling you what to do and giving you no choice in the matter  - that does not involve getting shot or imprisoned.

What if the politicians refuse to stop the war?  What then?  Will they again be able to convince the population that we are in a winnable conflict, with true objectives we can achieve?  What if we just stop believing them?  What if we say...

Okay, enough is enough...  we have as a people tried to put the best face on this war out of necessity, out of respect for the dead  and wounded, as well as sometimes a sense of purpose, to stop terrorism and tyranny.  I don't know how people could live with themselves otherwise.  I pity the people who think their children are dying in complete vain over there.  I pray that isn't true.  To me, they died for something...  even if that was just a youthful, romantic need to do something important with their lives, that has to be enough.

They say soldiers fight mostly for the people in their small units, not for the over-all conflict.  Maybe those small skirmishes where they fought for just staying alive is the only battle some vet's will think they were fighting?  Surely, some come home and say get the troops out.... for all kinds of reasons.


I really thought Obama would mean peace.  I wrote in here, when bush had a year and a half to go, that I was glad Bush was there to fight the Taliban at least, but I would be much happier when Peace followed up... which I meant to be Obama.    I was kind to Bush that day, and pretended he wanted Peace as much as I did.   But I knew, no matter what I wrote, they were not going to stop the war because of some stoned blogger in Chicago.  Of course, I wrote all that when I believed no one was reading me.  An impulse that rose up in me after i had that first seizure and the mysterious coma.... everything was becoming intensely mystical for me, but at heart there was just old plain realism.  Between Obama who did not vote for the war, and Bush, it was pretty easy to see who was most likely to end the war.

Yep that Higgins is on the mark...

selective assasins

destroy the life holding the view

destroy the view

the odd thinking that killing the messanger
will send the rioting crowds home

i have been muzzled, drugged, bugged, harassed
the rhetoric of revolution from a leftest
of course drew their ire
writers get files when they write critical books about the CIA
study under known radicals who are watched by the FBI
during Cointelpro the fbi was exposed as practicing the divine art of driving people to suicide
a litany of sick mind games and assisantions
from years of doctoring evidence in their labs
to funding right wing radicals...

now they pay bloggers to try to insight right wingers to violence
coaching him on how to stay 'just this side' of the law
as the demand blood from the left
classic agent provocateur coaching a writer on how to get their enemies killed

they would like to see these people  attacked

that is about the only conclusion you can come to for acting this recklessly

sure they might say they were just trying to snuff out right wing terrorists...
of course that didn't work out at all either...
the spies the spies the spies ...  i pity them their senseless lives of lies

the FBI's  nazi fanatic finally did go too far

started blogging about how someone should kill some federal judges
put maps of their houses on his website
they threw him in jail for that
the fbi long ago crawled under the covers with the right wing
got an orgy going with these red-necks
who else would they align themselves with when they felt like they were at war with the blacks?
everyone hopes we have moved past that point... so who do they think they at war with now?
fucking dj's like me?  John Lennon?  Suds Terkel?  20K more a day added to the millions
under domestic surveillance in my home country....  how welcome we feel
freaks some out too much for them to continue
got Hemingway locked up by  convincing his family that they were not FBI following him

I figure I already got them on my ass
so am I going to care or not?
I can't change the lawless actions protected by their national security decrees
the patriotism act that ironically silences me -- an actual patriot
isn't that astounding...

Declaring Something A National Security Matter is the governments way of making it go away
no one has to take the blame
no money is payed
no reputations tarnished
no votes cost

they try to keep me in a silent file
when the guy came up to me at the beach and told me to write childrens books
or just make them up in my head and never write them down

I was like -- who the hell are you to ask me lie about one damn thing?
What the fuck loyalty do I owe the government?

Puzzling Evidence All Over The Globe
some you can ferret out -- most hidden away

we sent an army to afganistan that opened back up the opium fields

can not deny our part in supporting heroins flow around the globe
80 percent of the worlds smack
from a lawless patch of mountain land

got all involved in bringing in coke
with the contras
told our little gangs of terrorists to go ahead and fund their war with drugs

try and tell ourselves in our heart of heart we know it is getting better

that we are getting better

the phonetics of survival

reinforced with the faith of prayer
propped up by a mere resignation to make the best of

bandaged  with ideology

the foxhole where they learn to pray

 for a god specific enough

 to understand their pain

forgive their sins

footnote:
puzzling evidence is something i ripped off from the talking heads.  I have watched david byrne's film True stories over and over and consider it my favorite of all.

WE ARE LOSING THREE WARS AT ONCE

For all intents and purposes, we are now at war in Afganistan, Iraq, and Pakistan.  And we are getting our asses kicked all over the place.  However anyone felt about these wars, you have to admit that the best way to look at the situation is the here and now.  Drop all pretenses of good and bad, whether we should even be there in the first place, whether we have a moral right to try to protect the citizens of earth from fanatics and royalists no matter what boarders they live within..  come down to a purely military  way of looking at what is happening.  If you laid out what is happening with our army  on a Risk board, and you were playing our allied troops, you would basically just be waiting for someone to finally decimate you so you can go watch tv.

Yesterday I read about we were paying insiders to bribe the Taliban and Warlords to get the civilian contracted trucks of supplies into the troops.  Meaning we are giving millions and millions to our enemy.  When I first heard this a paranoid voice in the back of my head started jabbering about the military industrial complex starting a war and keeping it going by paying both sides.  Of course, it was nothing so grand.  Just the stupid, fucked up, dog and pony show of a war that we are running.

I believe in leaving a more just society than we invaded and replaced.  Believing in something as an ideal does not make it so.  I would like to see us put some kind of democracy in place... all the valid dreams we dream here in the states.  The reasons we keep thinking we have to fight -- because, well, someone has to and we have the biggest army....  and say what you want about multi-cultural ism,  when you have institutionalized brutality for women and minorities that extends to burkas and keeping them out of schools, that is a form of slavery to the Law that should be FORCED on no one.

Unfortunately, in our pursuit of whatever goals these wars had -- I kind of understood Afghanistan, and Saddam was the first of what will be many wars over the middle east and nuclear weapons, more than likely... ---  we have ignited a religion against us that transcends boarders, and is willing to brutalize the civilian population in ways we don't (normally speaking).  This week, a doctor, raised in america and schooled in radical Islam, shot 13 soldiers at Fort Hood while screaming God is great.  Our intent, we keep saying, is not to go to war with Muslims, just the terrorists.  Unfortunately, the terrorists are the tip of the ice berg, obviously;  they are not isolated, lone wolfs, they are the product of cultures that hate the US for even being in the middle east, and are willing to believe the wildest shit about why we are there.

What we have done in the middle east will have a lasting effect.  For good and bad.  I just hope that we do not end up staying merely to protect unpopular puppets in armed encampments.

I say pull out all the troops.  Start no new bases in Iraq.  Create good will by saying, we have done what we could, and since we do not have the support of the civilians, we are leaving.  The choice is yours.  Hell, let them vote about it.  Let them vote us out.  Give them a voice in their own destiny, and the good will we buy will be lasting.

Spend the wars money developing alternative forms of energy so we are no longer reliant on the middle east.


The Generals of course want more troops.  They see how they are surrounded.  Maybe they could fight their way across these three countries.  At what cost, and why?  To win?  There are not going to be any winners in this war. Period.  All we are deciding now is how many more losers there are going to be, on our side and theirs -- the losers of lives, fathers, mothers, sons...  limbs, sanity, childhoods, educations, marriages...  Polls are showing the people in Afganistan are back to wanting the Taliban again, because of the chaos we have caused - just letting Opium production shoot up again killed our credibility dead in the water with a lot of people.

We owe it to ourselves now to stop Bush's War.  We are trying to save Face now.  Honor our dead by claiming them some victory.  I think they would be honored more by the lives saved by removing US forces from the middle east.

I hardly trust Osama Bin Laden, but he is a trend setter over there.  One of his last messages said that if we leave, and stop supporting Israel, that they will leave us alone.  Whether this is true or not, the fighters in Pakistan, Iraq, and Afghanistan will leave us alone because we will not be there.

The best way to support the troops now is to begin asking the powers that be to stop all fighting, and begin negotiating -- I mean, if the guys driving our trucks of food to the soldiers know the Taliban well enough to pay them off to use the road, we can obviously find these guys and start talks.  I am sure there are some now somewhere off the map.  What the hell?  See if they will agree to cease fire if we let the countries vote on our presence.  Show them a little democracy, tip our hats and go.

strange trues

run around in circles screaming out obscenities

why the hell not

decorum

 i suppose

you can drink that away

dance everywhere

you would have walked

if you're wasted enough

or want to be watched enough

liked enough

loved for the sake of love itself

too wasted to care about a straight guys sneer

strange trues litter the landscape of lies

bits of something half-hidden

under scraps of old newspapers and discarded boxes

WE SPEND OUR LIVES BETWEEN DESTINATIONS

passing through cars

ambulances

 buses and trains

from one end of a life to another

start out being carried

end up

irritated by the weight of the baggage

travelers of necessity with nowhere to go

hamsters all we hail the wheel

once in awhile you get what you deserve

a raise or a jail cell

worth becomes tangible

the politics of the moment

ends up holding the only import

 in the entire damn universe

the struggles between our personal lives

and our governments has never been more raw

in this country where we tell ourselves the citizens rule

through the voting booths

--that rigged game

where newyork sells out to a billionaire who pays 150 mill to win

makes me sick to think a man can buy the mayorship of one of the big three

Daly keeps ours in control with a mafioso hearted tribe

highly paid alderman whipped into control by a machine that can make or break

the politician set up kissing booths to earn the money to buy buttons and tv ads

the lobbyists lined up around the block

expecting tongue no matter what the hell they had for lunch

maybe not your pet politician

 maybe not

maybe not            you

maybe

not

maybe

happens if you vote that hopeful vote

gotta be careful who you please with this life

and reckless about who you piss off

Today the politicians are debating a watered down environmental bill

that will have little

to no

impact on the evolution of our atmosphere into corrosive acids

pleasing to the economy and  a big fuck you to the future

sacrifice the future on a fiscal altar

cling to that lifestyle

cling to that idea that anyone who wants to can make it in the states

cling to that idea that the corrupt politicians really have good intentions

cling to the idea that the corporations are not raping the world around us

cling to the idea that the silence of the earth is her last word on the way we have treated her

cling to the idea that the population explosion will not wipe away life as we know it

cling to your vestiges of our climb out of animal ignorance

try to hold on to ancient beliefs that those same writers would not hold today

the best minds of their times took into account new science with a hunger

we superstitiously run from

20/20 hindsight is going to give us the only truth of what we have done

We will respond when it is too late

25 years down the road

some will admit they were wrong

or their grandfathers were wrong

or the times were wrong

the final reckoning should be hyperbole for fiction writers

not the prevailing goddamn scientific thought

let whatever the hell acre of earth you soul erupted

decide what you are going to think  \fit in, man, fit in...

read self help books to create a game that can get you up in the morning

produce pleasing emotional states with prayer and song

sink into the zen of the moment

let the sun set one last time

and those horizons will just go away forever

the hammer hit the nail and it did not budge

He watched the kid smacking the hammer over and over on the nail.   It might be a fucking toy but there was something wrong about never being able to feel that nail slamming down into wood.  That seemed reason enough to get out a real hammer, board and some nails.  What the hell, it wasn't like it was going to cost him the 45.40 that the damn 'Little Builders' set had cost his VISA debit card.  He'd just went out to the garage, where an old rabbit hutch had been waiting to be torn down for 4 years and some odd months, tore a board off, searched around in a few kitchen draws for the hammer and nail, and gave them to the kid.

Everything was fine at first.  Then he realized, abruptly, why giving a real hammer and nails to a two year old could cause problems.  The first indications of trouble, as was so often the case with the boy, were blood curdling screams.  In what he would later swear was no less than three seconds (the child welfare workers would not believe him, and the etiquette of the situation had required that he not add, as he did with his hipper friends when he told the story, 'maybe it was just the weed.'), the boy managed to get a nail stuck into his thigh.  It was not in very deep, but even as he was screaming, the kid was getting ready to hit it again, as if that was the right punishment.  He was going to stop this, too...  but he couldn't help but pause and wonder if that kid really was stupid enough to do it.  Just long enough for the kid to prove stupid enough to do it.

He had seen the cowboys poor whisky on a wound enough times to resent the cops bitching about the kid smelling like Jack Daniels.  And yes, he did make the kid sip it to help stop the pain, but that was about the only chance he had of getting some quite while he waited for his wife to get home and bitch at him over the blood.  Looking at him all covered in blood, he couldn't help, as he always did when the kid somehow managed to injure himself under his watchful eye, but fantasize again about having the kid aborted.  He kept meaning to drag his wife out behind the pick up, or at least punch her a few times in the gut...  first he put off the abortion until it was too late, he just kind of let it go.  Next thing he knew, she was gone for a few days and came back with this screaming thing.  Oh, it was cute sometimes....  at least he could sell pictures of the thing to internet nerds (he had no idea they were pedophiles, and indeed would be three weeks into his court case before he realized what the word meant... the way he jumped up from his chair after the judge explained the word and mercilessly beat the other defendants went a long way with the jury, got him off....  though he had just seen something on Law and Order about earning prison cred by beating pedophiles and was bored with all the fucking talking heads on what he had begun to believe was the court TV channel--so much so that his occasional outburst of 'change the channel,' got him ejected from the proceedings for three days;  he would later admit none of this, and indeed, would still not quite understand that he had not been charged with riding a bike on the sidewalk, as he had before the word was explained in court).

So there he was now...  sitting in the park, where he was probably going to have to sleep...  the wife came home.  He caught her at the door, before she could see the kid, told her, "Tonight, we are going to not have any fights... just you and me, in love, having a nice night...  I owe you that."It worked until she saw the kid.   As she started asking him if he had always been a moron, he tried to no avail to remind her of the vow he had elicited like 3 seconds before she started screaming.   Then she thinks he needs a doctor....  He tried to tell her that he poured whiskey on the kid so that took care of any need for a tetenous shot, and that he too was worried about the bleeding, which is why he had put the kid in a trash bag, to save what he could of the carpet and furniture.  He had even told her, "If he needs a damn infusion, he can have my blood.  I'll do it, even if I have to smoke some fucking  crack to deal with the pain.  For the children."  She didn't believe him and he was about to go out and score some crack and show her, when she started dialing 911.   The cops of course showed up immediately.  Like they had told his wife on various occasions, "Give us an excuse to beat this guys ass, and we will be in here in seconds."

What a life he told himself, what a life.  If he was to blame for anything, it was being too right about everything.

scanning the news, planning the radio show, the next RISING, so to speak

turn on the music and The Harder They Come by Jimmy Cliff starts me thinking in battle mode, trying to remember why I fight, what it is for, and who...

There are certain groups that I feel like I have joined at the Alamo.  Maybe Little Big Horn, laying behind the horse I had to shoot dead to hide from a hail of arrows . . .  cursing Custard for leading us to the slaughter.  Issues where I feel like defeat is almost part of the deal when you enter that battle.

I watch Democracy Now, that depressingly accurate broadcast -- the tv equivalent of the Nation, fascinating and yet sickening/another wedge between myself and what is going on in this world.  Everything is so fucking serious now.  Lives dying fast and furious while they wait for the politicians to do as they were elected for;  on veteran's day I hear that more vet's are dying from being uninsured, than are killed in Iraq.  This is just one segment that is effected by this capitalism gone wild horror.  A  poignant one on this day.

I am trying to hammer out my own political beliefs.  They do not fit into any cookie cutter.  No communist or capitalist gets my full backing...  there is a balance in all things, and they are off right now... this I do know.  How to correct this is not as difficult as it is made out to be, except in one respect -- political will of the people to protest and agitate to drive their politicians to act is lacking.  That said, I see this country as needing to move radically left on certain issues, including environmentalism and social safety nets.  The government at its best could step in right now, and start a rebirth of this nation, a WPA program would certainly spread money to people who will spend it right away, and the savings in local budgets of towns and states that benefit from the waves of artists and builders and etc that fan across the country will help local economies.  Take the money out of the wars, and bring it home....  where it is needed NOW.

A war on our own poverty and excess.  A balancing of wall street and main street and the back streets.  This time around, these movements have to be generated by interesting large sections of the internet audience in participating in politics.  Higher taxes are just going to have to be a reality for the upper-crust.  The utter collapse of the mythical trickle down economy into economic chaos, and the demeaning of the lifestyles of the many for the largess of the few that resulted from the Last few decades of tax cuts, means we have to try something else.

When a government concentrates on the interests of a few sectors of their societies to the exclusion of most of their citizens, an adjustment is required, to say the least.  Pointing out the obvious here this morning.


Anyways, the radio show...  I have the first show laid out, ready to record the promos and some poetry soon.   I have decided the primary way I am going to generate interest is by being funny.  This is easy with my  comedy short stories laying there ready to be read.  The radio show will be on podcast, which will basically mean that anyone can listen to the comedy whenever they want.  The world is just too fucking dark to do the show I want without a lot of laughs.  They will be dark and sexually disgusting at times, inappropriate in ways that are not open to more conventional comedians who have to cater to a 'public image.'  The joy of being a guy in a housecoat on a quiet street tapping words into a laptop.

Democracy in action.  The first way I am going to get the word out on this thing, is to contact with a form letter of sorts, groups who instigate protests.  Then I will call, find out who I could contact or where to go to get this info.  I will make a blog just for the radio show, where the protests will also be listed for the week.  This will get the word out about the show with groups who have the most to gain by listening to me -- free spirits and the literati and societies missionary types.

Anyways....  this is boring the hell out of me.  Must have bored you even more.

Puking Politics

hits the stomach like a punch
nauseous throbs just under the diaphragm
choking bitter up through the throat and into the mouth

convulsions spewing out the days events
into the toilet of net

hard to laugh when your guts are in betrayal


the people who turned out to vote for Obama
stayed away from the polls the next year
the swing into severe depression in direct relation to the lost elation
basic theory of relativity -- it has no shame

beaten back again
put in our place
told -- elections were always a parlor trick of lies
and anyone who thinks differently needed a lesson in politics anyways

we never learn of our defeat
we are told the war never ended
that we have elected a class of warriors to battle for us in the halls of congress

Machiavellian misanthropes by nature and mission
prowl halls of power

they debate the greenhouse as if we can stop it

as if we had the political will to force the oil barons to move their money elsewhere

i learned in astronomy 101 in toledo ohio in 1986 that once the greenhouse starts
it is self-perpetuating... doesn't need us anymore to create a completely acid environment on earth

maybe some miracle of innovation will save us... the million and one shot...
some scratch off lotto ticket that tells us we have won a God


i did not used to feel responsible
i grew up seeing the decay and felt like the world's fate was sealed long before I arrived

treacle, treacle, little treacle....

makes my emotions flow
thru the cold logic
cold gazes
cold shoulders
cold killers


the dead soldiers and righteous rage against the simply unfair




ts eliot asked,


Those corpses you planted last summer?  Have they begun to sprout?




i am afraid i will stop feeling
i have seen these people
mini-sociopaths
filled with silent hate
smuggingly convinced THEY ARE RIGHT


the racists 
rapists 


the accidently predators
guys who drunkenly used to call at women out of my cab
scaring the hell of them...  I had to explain this over and over to them
once the guys understood they stopped...


tell yourselves THE ZOMBIES LEARN\


OR


tell yourselves THE ANGEL ARE WATCHING YOU


OR


tell yourself YOUR SCI-FI PIE IN THE SKY ANSWERS TO ALL WHYS




YOU might as well join the dervish
drink up a euphoria
anything to bandage the wounds of merely watching this fucked up show
listen to the ministers telling you to step into their wonderland
see eternal life as a reward for our lives of despair


life is pain the buddha told the monks.... Life is PAIN


why not trade yourself for one of the pre-proggramed personas
go join a frat and learn the corporate lingo/how to obey the group above all over

sad but true tales from the land of not so free....

In 29 states, it’s still legal to fire
someone solely because they’re lesbian, gay, or bisexual.  

SOUTHPARK TRIES TO RATIONALIZE THEIR USE OF GAY AND FAG... NOT WORKING BOYS...

SOUTHPARK is my favorite show (at least until warren the ape starts on MTV).  As far as I am concerned, if anyone gets Mark Twain's legacy on tv, it is this crew.   They are producing true art...  That wrote, let me say that I cringe every fucking time they use 'gay' and 'fag.'  Mary Ann makes her little grunt that she does when Southpark does certain things... including Hawkins fucking Mr. and Mrs. Garrison, and the Mr. Garrison where he wanted to be molested by his dad, when they made it out like his dad gave in...  This is a show that plays a lot with gender, and even invented a couple characters to balance out how unbalanced Mr. Garrison was, Big Gay Al and Mr. Slave.  They are aware of this criticism, obviously.  This show was a response to it, again...  I sometimes wish these two would just start fucking each other, instead of sublimating everything into their art... mostly I am just glad that they are consistently amusing.  Look at the Simpsons -- they have basically abandoned the idea of being funny--M.  won't even watch it anymore.  McFarlane, who I liked a lot there for awhile in 07, and 08....  has been losing it lately.  The Cleveland show is a complete abortion, even with the addition of a Bear.  I love the idea of the Bear, but...  well, he should occasionally eat the mail man or something, because he is kind of boring.  I fear his talent is going to be wasted, just like Groening on the Simpsons (his cartoons in the local free newspaper show his brilliance still exists, it just isn't on the show anymore).  Both of these guys are better than the face we are seeing right now.

Last night, the boys from Colorado (who moved to Hollywood for reasons that are still vague to me) tried to confront the one really stupid aspect of this show -- their use of 'fag' and 'gay' as a derogative term.  Well, they tried to pretend they only use 'fag' and not gay....   They even brought out Big Gay Al and Mr. Slave protesting against 'fags,' who they made out to be bikers with Harley's...  are they trying to get their asses kicked?  I can only hope the Hell's Angel's weren't watching, because these are some of societies most important comedians.

They actually confront issues, and think for themselves in ways that others are afraid to touch because they might lose their audience ( i REFER TO such traitors as steve martin, who went from writing for a political show the gov. shut down, to avoiding politics his entire career -- with the exception of trying to slam me -- which is interesting, since i know he is a sell-out first and foremost, and now i realize he is also someone who slams a writer who cannot even defend himself except here in this blog--I ever meet him, I will not say one damn word -- I will simply kick his cowardly ass from here to the fucking moon;  his kind stopped the revolution of the sixties...  if there was a real leftist purge, he would be swinging in the wind... sorry to keep going on about this guy, but he is such a fucking douche bag...  k. Griffin, an honest political voice, who of course came up in Chicago, said he was such a douche bag that she thought he acted like someone who was trying to act like a douche bag.  I know I am never going to have any effect on this dude's career while he is alive, but I assure you...  the written word lasts a hell of a lot longer than a slap-stick comedian).

Now, mark and trey have to try to protect their legacy, so they are probably not going to change this stand... but it would be an incredible stroke of genius if they just came out and apologized for this lapse, and promised not to do it again.  The kids who they pretend define 'fag' differently ... well, I don't think anyone is buying this except their staff.

Come on, you two, admit your mistake and move on... rationalizing your behavior like this is adding to the suicide rate of young gays... not to mention, stopping them from getting the important messages in this show. Standing by some kind of free-speech issue, or the artists use of a word having only contextual meaning, or however you rationalize this...  takes away from your brilliance.  Why have this shitty mark on your legacy?

Again, I expect nothing from this opinion.  I know you guys read me, though....  so that is just something to think about....

BOB BARKER WANTS MY KITTENS BALLS

HE CAN HAVE THEM WHEN HE GIVES ME HIS!!!!!!

Personas

I was reading some of my comedy stories in the religous psycho killers shit list, and realized again how far I have strayed from the whimsical.  I am going to have to start jamming out some comedy;   there is nothing like coming up with something funny enough to make me laugh.... even smile.  Most of my stories do not... though a lot of them start by me thinking of something funny enough to make me laugh... The book still needs an edit to be my final edition, the one i will buy hundreds of and start giving away at readings.

This is my new plan.  One War is done, so I am going to buy a bunch of copies at my discounted price, and then go to readings and do the comedy from the poet part, or even a short story.  If I am featured I will read from all the books.  Anyways, then I will give away three signed copes to whoever wants them and asks me first..  I will get them out to a good hipster crowd of writers in chicago, which is very helpful to a writers career.  I have not tried, after my terrible experience with a book publisher before, not to mention the lying, sloppy way the radio station was run,, to find a larger publisher.  I like LULU, but they are all about the writer marketing themselves. This is great, but I think about anyone would prefer an advertising budget and a grand opening and all that shit -- not to mention the money.   I really would like to make a lot of money, which makes my decision to turn down some of the unethical things I have sound stupid -- I could have been very rich once, but there was blood on the money and my very soul cried out not to touch a dime of it.









I am more than ever distrustful of the middling type of organizations that are available to me

lightening in the sky

ghosts fill the air
angels walk in where man has never dared

the pitiless stare of an immortal killing the flesh jacket of a soul
released from the mortal coil that binds us to this survival mode scenario

refugees from our animal selves
living in make-ship camps of psychosis
bucking up little camper to make it through another day

destiny is calculated in the eyes of the prophets
sweeping visions of time moving so quickly
through mind
that the passing years looks like flowing water

lives and deaths/lives and death/lives and death

until the traveling souls have to destroy all life to leave the planet
a genocide of all they have discovered on Earth
travelors longing to go home to their God
led by a half insane killer
driven by the invocation of the wrath
of the God of Gods..

the dreams of immortality  become as real

as the fuckers and suckers in a porno mag hanging limp in our other hand

lady liberty a whore for whoever can afford the best lawyers

or so declares the minister  this church of one

a ragged unclear affair that attempts to tell people think for yourselves

most of your ideas of God are made up

faulty attempts to tell a tale that is beyond the scope of the ape

FUCK YOU

I am never going to
fall into slumberous silence

crawl away wounded from this fray
admit defeat in death
I will reach out my claws toward your ankles as you deal your death blow
to my broken and battered body

then rise as a soul that wrecks the revenge of the GODS THEMSELVES

I await my death like a soldier in his barracks
prepared at any time to battle

The wrecked and ruined rule the innocent and the wasteful
we have come to a time when the air itself is poisoned by the slayers
by those who see the fires of the end in their visions
and selfishly long for the end of all ends justifying the means

I will fight them with every word that pours from my fingers
give my blood if that proves necessary

Liberty is a hard fought victory
a selfless act

The Terrified leading the numb and the restless... after critical changes

You can look in my blog for this poem's first draft, and compare it to this one if you want to see how I edit. 

Stakes are high and getting higher

most are chips on the table

we don't get to play no cards

get bought and sold on the whims

bluffs and fortunes

of the real players

sold for sex/to addiction

idle victims of an emotionless Market

basic goddamn cruel and blind economics

rewards the elite/ and lets the peasants starve

they capture the rebellious now in hidden webs

Total Information Awareness:

combining every fact on a person

every phone call, email, text, film

law broken/disease/book borrowed or bought/

every brush with authority/every grade/upbringing

all the ingredients of mind

the dictionary of your personal world

defined and calculated and defined by the latest greatest psychiatric theory

they will process us through computer programs

that projects how you and you and you

will live a life

how accurate will They Great They decide the machine has to define us to lock us up?

how many times they have filmed us at protests

will determine how worthy of a target you are

for their intrusion

into your day to day

targeted by the very government you sought to love and cherish and save

they

prevent our voices from getting unto any podiums

of wealth, fame or prestige

a variation of China's complete control of what artists say

they want us to be completed by their newspapers

as they played out a reality of the  far right and center left

leaving every other voice margenalized

not covered by the local news

voiceless in their television world

so bad in the states that Noam Chomsky said no leftist papers

can survive the corporate pressures applied

and  he was reminded as much on the 30th anniversary of such a paper in Mexico

one...  just one...

Now... the internet has taken the word from our unholy masters

democratized the word

in a way no movie, play, or tv show was ever allowed

A pandora's box of politics has flown open

the stars have fallen to the earth

exploding into sparks

igniting the righteous fires

here we are free to throw our voices

into the intellectual morass

to deconstruct/decontaminate -- accuse and destroy

I foster private visions of a day when the word is democratized

the words spoken from the lips of a beggar as important as a president's

stoned and wounded and dreaming hard on vengence

I stagger across the pages drunk with the power of a genie

who has smashed his bottle

equalities greatest tool has been accessed

there is no turning around

no television is going to control us again

the masses are officially in revolt

there will be no positive thinking personality deprived losers paying 9 grand to die

in a psuedo-native american sweat lodge

for god'/s fucking sake

following the preachings of an Ophra approved shyster

the yuppies sweated out their vital juices seeking the elusive truths

that make the human emotions 'happy' 'content' slaves of the Market


those who can think outside of their own heads

spend lifetimes pondering how to bring peace to this world

how to make a boarder less mentality

a world of fair democracies joined together by their shared values

where the concerns of a few entrenched interests

cannot band together to prevent the government

from stopping the rising deaths of our uninsured

agents play the game and use you like a carny pumping a mark

like a stock broker selling and buying you stock just to get a commission

predators milking the infinite tit for a little stolen mother-milk

damn the babies they starve with their habits

Sitting around plotting the novel... thinking it sounds dum.

  sitting around the last few weeks imagining story lines for a new novel.  Amazing how a thought can obsess me for weeks, months... years (off and on, you know).   This is the tale I want to tell about people caught in a micro world, who are effected by macro events.   The micro for me is the character driven story that I want to write. .  In the macro, the characters are two reincarnated souls, who have been picked out by a secret order of monks, and raised, along with a group of others, quietly in a small town setting, where they were placed with parents, and basically raised under deep  cover.  An isolated town in the woods of Northern Michigan with a couple thousand people.

The story starts with their order being attacked.  Men in black.  These two are taken by the monks and elaborately escape.  The others stay behind, they realize in the end, merely as a diversion to make sure they escape.

The two are men, in their late twenties, unrelated.  Neither has been told what soul the monks found in their flesh.  They would have been told at the end of their education at 33.

They go into hiding... lasts for years...  then one day, of course, of course....  one of them notices they are bugged.... then strange men in black suv's...  at first they are afraid, but then they realize these people must someone be almost their benefactors, or security -- because, again, years pass and nothing changes.

When these soldiers do come to them, they explain that the monks were killed off by a satanic faction sent by satan to stop them from rehabilitating and sabotaging souls he considered his own, to send upside as serial killers etc...  The monks believed the end times had come, and one of two, who I have not named yet, call them frank and rob.  anyways, they think Rob is Iesus and that means this is the end time.  Jesus has lived many lives but they could tell this time he was going to end up being jesus again, fullfilling the prophesy.  So they expected to be attacked, because what else could the satanists do except try to stop him>  They planned long before to let themselves all die to ensure his escape, and considered this an honor, and assurance that all of the children in their care would make it to heaven.


I want to make the feel of the prose very paranoid but  also very probable.  The characters will have a difficult time accepting these lives.  And spend a lot of time wondering just what the hell is up in the world.

Time comes that the news begins flashing that some kind of horrible event in the Soviet Union has caused them to actually nuke a few of their own cities, telling the world they believe they have been invaded by aliens, which is at first thought to be a cover story or hiting off some rebels, but then slowly becomes clear to the world that two forces are battling, seemingly made up of creatures of lightening and fire.

The war converges on their town.  The two watch it play out on the news.

Then the end... of the war in the heavens.  Now, this is where I am not sure where I am going to go.  I play it out different ways and nothing seems to work.  I can hear the two main characters having conversations, and trying to deal with the death and question marks and their own destiny as men who cannot just go live a life of  making a few bucks and procreating.

  I have written so much about Christ lately that I sort of want to use a different character but I still have so much more to say... a quandry.

I suppose I could write a different christ for each and every book I put out.  Symbolically, this is what some people do of course,  of course...

I now see the end with this huge battle between satans angels... and God.s  Jesus of course will end up being the deciding factor in this scenario.  Maybe he steps into the battle by remembering a dream he had, and making it real...  something he has never even considered he could do, then does...  a complete surprise... he lets lightening flow from his back and lava from his chest...  destroys the planet in his rage.  this action then frees them all from the trap of having to reincarnate again and again...  he finds he has such great powers that he creates ghosts for all of the animals who have ever lived, and begins leading a great procession through space to the face of god...

the end of the internet

I feel like I have been to all ends of the internet and found it wanting.  Nothing more than a dictionary, not even an encyclopedia...  More like a cornucopia of disinformation.  The internet tries to be what tv gave up on a  long time ago --  a means to change the world, bring truth into politics, and rally the forces of the marginalized many against the powerful few.  I don't know...  seems like it is going to end up beig co-opted in the end.  The huge internet suppliers will begin funding the news, I suppose... the fractured bloggers in their housecoats, so long marginalized by the strangle hold of the mediocre and sold-out on the market, are a sad last hope for this world.

Oh, well... perhaps entertainment is the best we can hope for in this world.  The serfs probably are better off keeping their dreams on beers and groins -- all else leads to the Frankenstein monster state, of being able to see the world, but being kept from participating.....  As an environmentalist, I feel like the battle has long been lost and will come to a bad end.  Humans, for most of my life, have struck me as so delusional and uptight that I felt it was best just to keep my ideas and fictions for a few friends.  When my ideas became weird is anyones guess?  Too many books...  that was my downfall.  Too damn much reading and education.

I have nothing to say lately.  I am watching the news and feeling depressed by the scam of health care.  Oh let's make it so everyone has to buy insurance, or they get penalized?   That is health care reform?  Sounds more like an elaborate gift to the insurance companies.   A tax on the poor who cannot afford to pay for health care...  that is so fucked up.  I know there is other shit in the bill, and great... I am glad they are doing something, but going from the public option to forcing people to buy private insurance with money they obviously don't have?  Gross.   Real income has been stagnate since the 70's for the working class -- that vast majority of us that is being swindled.

I am glad to see thursday is supposed to be a big action day on this front... but how many times do people have to tell their politicians to do something before they will do it?   It is going to take getting all these fucks out of office who did not vote for a one payer system, and replacing them.  The insurance companies are pulling a massive fraud on the american people.  Fraud.  People are dying.  As long as they can buy enough politicians to get their way, the rest of us are going to suffer....

The crazed Vet On The Corner

I met this guy out and about in the neighborhood years ago.  He was just going back to school for computers, through the VA.   He was usually nicely dressed, polite, loved the dog.  I would inevitably see him while walking the dog.  A couple times I have seen him, it is as if he has gone off his medication.  Total personality shift, into absolute anger and paranoia.  His cousins throw him out of the apartment when he gets too bad, fearing violence.  I have no idea if he is....  today, he looked disheveled. His afro pulled back into a pony tail that had various Bozo the Clown like puffs of hair that broke free and were flapping in the wind.   His face looks like it has collapsed... takes me a few seconds to realize that I am seeing him for the first time without his teeth.

He asks how I am doing.  Sunlight flows through his glasses, revealing that they are filthy... covered in smudges and what look like huge specks of dust...  I tell him I'm fine and ask the same.

"I'm out here trying to stop a bunch of killing."
Intrigued, I ignore the dog who has sensed something is wrong with this guy and is pulling hard on her leash, trying to get me to shoot right on past the guy she usually greets like a long lost friend with doggie treats.  "What do you mean?"    A voice in my thoughts begin begging the Gods that b that my buddy is not going to tell me that he is in the mood to murder... forcing me to get way more involved in his delusion than I want to be.

"This Polish dude, the ladlord.  His miner light is his gun."
"His miner light is his gun?"
"You get it."  He says this like I am part of his delusion, that I have long accepted that this Pollack was running around plotting murder.
"Yes."
"He kills white people, too.  Don't be feeling all smug.  He wants to kill everything american.  Hispanics, blacks..  everyone who ain't Polish."

A car goes by and he starts monitoring their activities.  "Gotta watch em' going by... oh, they're turning left."   He spins in a circle watching them, then keeps spinning as a woman goes by, so he can watch her as she passes and make sure she is safe.... I think.  "Gotta keep spinning now.  Gotta keep up the circle."   He spins slowly around and around looking everywhere.

"I should get the cat food."
"Be careful, now."
"You too man."


What can I do?  Should I ask if he has a social worker he can call?  Is this just how he passes his bad days, muttering about the landlord wanting to kill people?   I suppose as long as he thinks he is protecting, rather than actually contemplating killing anyone, that this society drugs him, gets him an apartment, gives him a few bucks a month, tries to get him into school if he is healthy enough.  They tried with this guy.  He always has an apartment, and obviously has some good days...  usually he seems normal, mind you, and we discuss computers and tv's and shit.I

We do live in an asylum.

The Terrified leading the numb and the restless

The Terrified leading the numb and the restless

Stakes are high and getting higher
most are chips on the table
we don't get to play no cards
get bought and sold on the whims
bluffs and fortunes
of the real players
sold for sex/to addiction
idle victims of an emotionless Market
basic goddamn cruel and blind economics
rewards the elite/ and lets the peasants starve

they capture the rebellious now in hidden webs
Total Information Awareness:
combining every fact on a person
every phone call, email, text, film
law broken/disease/book borrowed or bought/
every brush with authority/every grade/upbringing

all the ingredients of mind
the dictionary of your personal world
defined and calculated and defined by the latest greatest psychiatric theory

they will process us through computer programs
that projects how you and you and you
will live a life
how accurate will They Great They decide the machine has to define us to lock us up?
how many times they have filmed us at protests
will determine how worthy of a target you are
for their intrusion
into your day to day

targeted by the very government you sought to love and cherish and save
they
prevent our voices from getting unto any podiums
of wealth, fame or prestige

a variation of China's complete control of what artists say

they want us to be completed by their newspapers
as they played out a reality of the  far right and center left
leaving every other voice margenalized
not covered by the local news
voiceless in their television world

so bad in the states that Noam Chomsky said no leftist papers
can survive the corporate pressures applied
and  he was reminded as much on the 30th anniversary of such a paper in Mexico

Now... the internet has taken the word from our unholy masters
democratized the word
in a way no movie, play, or tv show was ever allowed
A pandora's box of politics has flown open

here we are free to throw our voices into the intellectual morass

I dream of a day when the word is democratized

stagger across the pages drunk with the power of a genie
who has smashed his bottle
democracies greatest tool has been accessed
there is no turning around
no television is going to control us again
the masses are official in revolt

seeking the elusive truths that have eluded us
how to bring peace to this world
how to make a boarder less mentality
a world of fair democracies joined together by their shared values
where the concerns of a few entrenched interests
cannot band together to prevent the government
from stopping the rising deaths of our uninsured

agents play the game and use you like a carny pumping a mark
like a stock broker selling and buying you stock just to get a commission

predators milking the infinite tit for a little stolen mother-milk
damn the babies they starve with their habits





a

Obama 's the metaphor of change for this moment -- HE/WE/THIS MOVEMENT DESERVES THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE

just for saying he was going to reduce nukes, instead of insanely adding more to the eastern block, was enough for a lot of people to think he had averted a war or two... and maybe the big one.  Surrounding Russia with new nukes and saying we were somehow protecting europe from al queda is insane thinking.

  I may not think Obama has done everything I want him to do, but I also realize that he is not the king, or a tyrant, or acting in a vacum.  The presidency does not come with a magic wand that can get rid of 20 years of misguided, neo-con thinking on government.  Our government has been run on the principal of what is good for business, is fine.  This led to unethical, irrational behavior on the part of our leaders.  No ideology spurs on this kind of capatlalism;  this is pure and simple do what you can get away with.   Now, we have a president who thinks like the left, and the world is a hell of a lot better off...

The left is right to criticize Obama, or course, because that is how concerns are expressed. Feeling like we are disappointed by our great Christmas present of a president is natural.  The real world is filled with people trying to derail Obama's legislation, and he has to take his wins and losses like everyone else.  BLAMING HIM FOR WHAT THE RIGHT HAS STOPPED HIM FROM DOING PLAYS INTO THE HANDS OF THE ENEMIES OF THE PEOPLE.   Given time, I know this president is going to change the world.. he has already changed the attitude of large portions of the world with his government and that is how the new day starts...  


More than likely, we are still seeing the ramifications of the present lock that lobbyists have on government;  Obama did not invent this system,  he still has to navigate it though.   He cannot just throw these people out of the room, because they have politicians in their pockets that Obama hopes to get on his side.






In the end, as his campaign seemed to be running neck and neck with MCCAIN, Obama took the big money from the corporations.  Perhaps he believes this is what truly won his race?   The fucking Johnny Come Latelies who donate to whoever the hell they have to smooze to get their way.  Obama ran outside of it at the beginning of his historical campaign, taking the smaller contributions that his popularity drove into the biggest election coffer the Dem's had seen in forever -- for once, the republicans were outspent..  but not only outspent... but wiped out.  Period.  The good people have left that bankrupt party or consider themselves a splinter group   


Now he has to be the president for the very people who fought tooth and nail and lie and lower to keep him out of office.  Has to try to reason with people who are pandering to tea baggers who call him the anti-christ.  I do not envy the kind of nutcakes he has to try to appease.  When M. gets home from the train at night, I ask her sometimes, "Any nuts on the train?"  She sometimes launches into the most bizarre tales....  I can imagine Ms. Obama asking the Prez something like this, and his ranting on so long that she tells him they have to change the subject again...  reminding him he only gets to bitch about his day for fifteen minutes, a rule they set up years before he got into politics,

secrets shared

souls bared

how does our garden grow?

something gotta live and shit and die
to keep the food chain alive
the air is filled with a child's laughter
and an old man's moans of despair

no reckoning for the innocent
existentially locked in a world without consequances

reckoning is for the bloodied and judged
the redemption seekers


has to feel like death to a caterpillar to crawl inside a cocoon
they must want to move the entire time
waiting for the moment when their struggle will finally pay off
believing in food if nothing else awaits them outside of their prisons
and they are rewarded with flight...


Christians probably don't believe butterflies have souls
their core beliefs are absurd enough without picking up the latest new age butterfly fad
that's why the fundamentalists survive -- they circle the wagons around their core of madness

the Scientology brain fried reality free-for-all attacks their opponents
as harsh as they can get away with legally or otherwise

i imagine a trusting innocent soul crashing into this planet and being raised in someones madness
brought into thought in a con game
ran by a hollywood egomaniac

they will write their books one day
the horror stories
and we will say I told you so
and they will ask why we did so little....








Check out all of my blogs by googling my name, John Scott Ridgway

Johnny The Pain Fires Again

---- this poem needs some explaining... I have been feeling lately like I have been making too light of violence by writing a few of my characters. That some of my readers were not following my intent, which was just to be light and absurd in kind of a three stooges on PCP kind of way;  the politics under these images are serious....   I made up enemies to people my universe, used the partisan politics of my time.... I use the words republicans and neo-cons and such just as an 'other...' An abstraction. I almost never write about actually killing any person who is alive, because that would defeat my purpose;  writing about shooting Tom Cruise in the head, rather obviously, is a metaphor that explains how poorly I view Scamatomologists.   Writers have to make certain assumptions about how their work will be evaluated;  if I was totally even more obvious than I am, it turns off the intellectual cogs.  My favorite readers are

Anyways, in light of all the real violence in this world, I find myself writing a couple violent poems, and trying to get back into the mindset to write some Johnny Pain poetry, and comedy in general. We all need laughter. Still.... I am not the same person who wrote prose even a couple years ago. Everything is kind of a phase, in a way. An exploration of whichever avenue of prose trips my trigger at any given moment.

I was using way over the top violence, as a way of distancing myself from real violence. I didn't realize, I guess, the various ways that people use the prose they come accross in the world.

It is easy to forget why cults and dum ideas flourish in every society. Easy to sit here in my quiet neighborhood and write about violence like it is no different than an anidote about driving to work. Perhaps if I was closer to real violence, I would lose the ability to use laughter to deal with the madness I witness with each and every damn paper delivered? Not that I laugh about violence. I don't sit around making fun of someone who was murdered. I joke about killing people, when I truly mean to kill an idea. To fight a vague mental war that I have been drawn into simply by trying to be a responsible human being. I grew up seeing the neo con agenda as a war against unions, radicals, anyone who seemed to be doing anything anti-establishment. They were spurning blacks, making enemies of immigrants, holding off giving the country a nationalized health care plan despite the mountain of evidence that it would work and benefit everyone, except a few private industries that will have to shift, as businesses have since the beginning of time, into a line of work more in line with the modern world.

I was surprised when people said my work was terrifying. My stuff has less violence than most movies and cartoons. Still, it has violence. I have been flat out rejected socially by people who read my blogs and decided to hate me. I understand some people can not take a joke, and that is what it was... I mean, I would be in jail, I think, if I had been ever actually saying that people should be violent in protests, or their real life... I have always said shit like if you can't protest peacefully enough that the cops are on your side, you are too radical. Maybe I am naive... well, I am naive, I suppose. I just know the boundaries of my own behavior. I would never hurt anyone else over an idea. People are not the sum of their jobs, clothes, incomes, etc... I think of myself as criticising an ideal, rather than an individual.

I wanted to see Bush removed from office, but I would never have told anyone that I was in favor of a presidential coup. I believe that would be worse than what we already have. We know that our present form of government offers us some hope and freedom. We do not know as much about what would follow, if we allowed a crowd of new people with guns to have their shot at the carrying the flag for awhile.

I have never talked with anyone who even brought up an armed revolt in the united states, except in the most joking of ways possible. For someone like me to be taken as a terrorist, you have to really wonder why people can no longer recognize fiction from fact. I'll tell you why that is happening now more than ever -- the media lies to us all the time, about product after product that does not live up to the promises of the flashy folk... we grow up seeing politicians lying, our bosses lying... we realize sooner or later that everyone is lying all the time to each other, countries to countries, countries to people, lovers to spouse... We finally decide to start taking certain things of faith, because we really have no other sane alternative.

When I first realized that my stories about raising a hamster army concerned the intelligence agencies and was inspiring radicals and others, I was more or less amazed. Now, I am gunshy almost. I tore out my predator teeth and threw them at the camera. Can I pick them up again, knowing they have blood on them, and use them like plastic vampire teeth as I go on playing the joker? People watch the news and see soldiers dying, then turn on first person shooter games and run their body counts up into the millions...

I suppose in another mood I will find that I might as well laugh rather than cry, and make a violent joke here and there. Tonight, sitting here trying to decide which way to take my new prose efforts, I find Johnny Pain too expressive. Too easy a glimpse into my mangled psych.

Oh, well... this is a poem that really is not much of a poem at all, really.... more a prose effort to figure out why I write in the different characters that I do, and what they mean to me at different points in my life.

I may not have had much hope in politics, but I have always assumed, sort of, that they were at least not all actively against the common man, and did some obviously did good -- life is pretty cool sometimes in america, there is no doubt about that. There is peace throughout the land. They allowed a poor boy like me to go to college, to pursue my literary dreams almost where ever they want to wander. Blah, blah, blah.... so, I think we could do a lot better.... Hardly makes me alone.

Weird, as I write all of this, it becomes a part of the Waking Up Jesus story... I think about Him inspiring violence, not me.... I am in the character in that story of course, but he is just a side of me that fits onto a page. Our stories bleed together obviously. When I write about finding myself in the middle of a movement that I did not know existed, when I mention violence in the context of my words, I am always referring to matters that I do not know how to interpret.

There is the narrative that says a poet in chicago started writing about a revolution, and it inspired a lot of people in different places to believe, in a kind of war of the worlds kind of way, that the united states was having a revolution. This one says that we took over, then quite possibly lost in the end... in this story, the communists, the mafia, the workingclasses, blacks and leftists radicals and malcontents everywhere, rose up and declared that Bush had to go. In their flush of excitement. After this I do not know? The problem with this scenario is that I was a mere cog in the wheel of whatever happened. I have no idea why I was chosen? The theories I was told had to do with aleins and being christ. Hardly the kind of rational explaination one is going to take on faith... though when this was happeneing, the drugs they gave me made anything seem possible. Ugh.... I am not

I am a sniper

taking out targets one at a time

shifting my scope until a cross on your forehead says fire

dangerous notions

from a man filled with potions

that send out hoardes intent on the kill

spells of a few sentences

muttered in a poem

and sent out electronically

to the four corners of the earth

metaphors of a struggle more mundane than the poetry can hold

become intellectual bombs set off in the minds

drugging words that create ephiphanies

stir enough passion to brand the words unforgettable

My mock violence tries to come to grips with the real stuff

commenting with enough laughter

to make the horror/the horror attractive enough

to create disgust

change

a need for justice

stronger than any of your fears

a sloughing off of everything you know

for something new

a conversion to your own private planet

where you play the little king

my serial killer character is a mind game that I play with my shadow side

bringing out my inner beast enough to know its darkest reactions

to explore this creature that I find myself inside of

this man

that I am told is too many different

things to believe everybody

I have no reason to kill and never want anyone to kill anyone over anything

they will and I cannot stop the violence so I am left commenting from afar

trying to relate to the problem

to keep it in my mind

long enough to make it alive as a story

I have felt the blood thirst

No human alive has not felt the desire to kill for a fleeting, insane second

the desire and the act are a world apart

real serial killers would none of my qualms

they would have a need as strong as sex and hunger to kill

everything is a porno novel in their minds

I have A fascination

for high drama lives

the farthest reaches

of human oddness

on the page

not in real life

I am ressurecting Johnny Pain

after a few years writing about my new Jesus mostly

trying to make this prose voyage

of mine filled with various characters

the Jungian archetypes that ramble around in the dark pits of our mind

come out to play on the page

the poems of death and mayhem

play on movie screens in my mind

flashes of explosions

staccato screams s of machine guns

cries of the dead

and dying

violence was around long before the comic prose of Johnny Pain

he is a creation of and in the media

birthed by the violence itself

the pure child of the horror --

free of all reservations about who he hurts

his idealogical utterances the mere excuses of a convicted criminal

a terrorist blowing up our mental suburbs

dragging the civilians into the fray

where the left and right play out their war games

Check out all of my blogs by googling my name, John Scott Ridgway

you know who you are

I cannot be blamed for having had good intentions, for following inspiration, or striking back when attacked.

I have a hell of time even thinking much about all the shit that has happened to me, politically, in the last few years. I've wasted enough time going over the events to have some idea of what happened to me, and how I was manipulated. I was trying to be an artist... not a politician, not a tyrant, sure as hell not the leader of an armed revolt. I would have been the last person in the world to want such a thing.   I mean, certainly, there is a lot of shit worth fighting for, and I would if the cause wass right, but I am not involved in some underground war, except in the realm of the accepted politics.  I want to see the country socilaize because the people know it is best not because some tyrants took controll...  those kind of governments end up being tyrannies way to often to be tusted... so I fear and hate war; I know that nothing we experience in America is half as bad as things could get. We think we are in some deep shit now, but things would get horrible if the government really was to break down. I have no illusions about Anarchy. People simply are not set up to operate like that. There will always be people who want to rip everyone else off, extort others, etc... There always has been, and there always will be.

When I remember the beginnings of what happened, around 2007, I feel like I am looking into a tear in reality itself.

I have no way on gauging the political realities that I have placed myself within. I do understand that if they are trying to keep me as some kind of secret, for whatever reason, that they obviouslywill succeed, to some extent to make my life appear that way.  Underneath my boring reality, I note how my writing is effecting events...  I am always humbled and afeared when I see mention of this shit in the press.  I am glad when it happens, mind you --  John Stewart and Colbert and Spade and Dick and The kILLERS and even Brittany Spears have reacted to me.  I am weirded out by how many came out of the word work claiming that I am Christ, a space man and an angel.  Oddly enough, in a way I feel like all of these things...  This was very overwhelming.  Perhaps Humanity felt that Jesus was here and was not waking up, and they were tired of waiting, so they came into my life and freed me from the illusion that I am merely a bit of flesh, the product of chaos and the long, long reach of time;  ferilzer for the trees;  souless and maddened by our imminent meeting with the Reaper.   Or I was brain washed.  They had me in the hospital, caused a series of black outs and seizures where-in they could have done anything.  remember, when this started, they told my girlfriend I was sleeping for 30 hours and would not let her see me.  That is not normal, folks.. for me tocome out of this with amnesia, then the slowly dawning thought that God was using me, is an experience that has changed me, as well as the world.  The intelligence agencies, and various groups that most people dismiss as the fantasy of consiracy theorists, came into my life and tried to manipulate me in ways that ranged from trying to get me messages through the tv and radio -- which were blantantly for awhile... God, my repeating this over and over must be boring as hell for the people who really know all about this.

They knew they had to drug me to get this reaction out of me. The odd thing, if they implanted the Jesus idealogy in my mind, whey did the first dream I had about this date clear back to the 19980's?

If the theory stands that I was psychologically indoctrinated to act a certain way during this so called revolution, then I was something of a mancurian candidate.

I can only speculate as to how anyone decided I would be the one at the center of this monstrous shit.

If anyone reading this knows what I am talking about, let me ask once again, that you come to me and let me deal with the after-maths in a positive manner. If I am in the end forced to decide between never knowing, or never writing about, I am ready to choose the latter -- if only for my own mental stability.

So,how about it my spy friends? Why not come to me and find common ground from which we can all work together, rather than just classifying me subversive and trying to keep me on the down low as much as possible? I am not going to ask you to give me the money that Seinfeld insisted was stolen from me. You have to remember, at the time I was broke and starved and sure as hell had no idea what money people were even talking about on the news.

I was writing a fantasy about building a better world, combining facts and fiction to try to motivate peope to end the war, and elect Obama. Then, as the events swirled out of control, about the only thing I could do was act. The theories that flew about what I am... Where all of that came from is known by some. They should either give me evidence of my true nature, or tell me what the plan was. If I have been watched since birth... ugh, what a horrible thought.

I guess I am most sickened by the people who displayed me as I lived my life. Anytime I went along, as I did, it was because I had no choice. Why anyone would take someone who was in the frame of mind that I was in, and use them as their leader is well beyond me. The decision though, to try their hardest to keep me from realizing that there was a movement instigated by my words, was meant to take all control of these events out of my hands. Which is good. I do not want to be responsible for every action taken by someone who feels fucked over by the USA.

I know there are people who know about this and could inform me what happened. I kept thinking this would happen, sooner or later. Why not now? Why not just come to my door, say, Hey, Scott, we're going to debreif you now. I will sign a loyalty oath of secrecy if that is what you want. I was hesitant to do this before, but I am afraid to continue writing my usual stuff if I have to worry that someone out there is going to think that raising a hamster army is somehow a metaphor for blowing stuff up, or whatever.

My heart goes out to anyone who was hurt and or killed during this campaign. I know that I had it easy compared to some people. I am sorry that you were used. I had almost no control over anything. Or if I had some control, I sure as hell did not know about it. I ranted like I did, because that was in character with the Christ that started trying to take over my persoality.

I do not miss the manic druggings turned my life into hell. I do not miss the constant scrutiny of my lifestyle. What should it matter to others what I do in the privacy of my own house. I am so not a pervert/promiscous, etc....

I regret the sincerity of my confessions about my life. I felt at the time that if people were going to believe I was christ, then I had to show them that I am a man. I thought somehow this would lead to people being more forgiving of the differences we have. I think. I cannot even begin to respond to everything I said. I have an imagination that is honed for making up stories, not trying to make political speeches, let alone theory.

Now, you have to add into this mix the ideological madness of thinking that one is a godling. This is what I felt was shown to me . I was being treated with such fear, madness, and what-not that simple solutions were out of the question.

The preaching I did to the bugs has less to do with me than the circumstances that were created around me. If I had not been in such a crazed state, I would have never made the crazed statements that I did. Now, to try to defend this all is insane too. People who know me know that I have always been something of a wayward boyscout, but a boy scout none-the-less. I am the first to help when I can....

I tried to get the stoners and the disenfranchised back into politics. That is dangerous to the status quo. Even more dangerous when you drug the head of a movement, trying to get him to do or say something that you could prosecute him for.

I am proud that even though I threatened horrendous violence twice, they were both such absurd statements that of course nothing came of them. I was desperate to break out of the horrible world I was sentenced into. They wanted me crazy and locked up, or suicidal and ineffective. They wanted to make me look like a fool --- well, I am a fool. So what? Everyone is.

I cannot change what has happened. You cannot either. We can change what is going to happen, work together for once, instead of assuming so much about one another that we can't see the good.

This is my hallmark card to you

I am coming back to this entry, because in a way it might be very important.

Check out all of my blogs by googling my name, John Scott Ridgway

Thou Shall Not Kill

How did they animalize me?

what did they do to me?

Who are they?

Why do they trap me?

HOW DO THEY SHUT YOU UP?

ARE you covering your ass?

Check out all of my blogs by googling my name, John Scott Ridgway

unathorized Intelligence leaks

threaten to awaken the masses

to the fact

that

actually

no one

ever

 told the emporer he had no clothes

he paraded by the masses

and everyone saw a man duped of the conman

who sold

him on the invisible suit
that he was convinced he was alone in his nakedness

underneath the royal cap and gown

hidden away

when he changed outfits

the citizens all pretended that the day had never happened

to keep their very heads

Though they never forgot the emporer's humiliation

and secretly, quietly told jokes

crept into the story tellers tales

the emperorer secretly loved the invisible suit

joked to his queen he wore it to bed every warm night in the summer

content in his smug knowledge that truth was whatever the hell he told his subjects

that he could walk naked among them and convince them he was wearing an invisible suit


He never heard the jokes...

though two generations later they would lead to the monarchy being cut down

replaced by the sons of the sons of the story tellers who mocked their divine rights

Check out all of my blogs by googling my name, John Scott Ridgway

a message to my jailers

I lay around with the events of the last year piled up on top of me, pressing down on my chest until I can barely breath. How do they get everyone to shut about me? When this first started, the tribune had a headline reading, There Is A Secret in This House. At the time, my gut feelings were leading me around, and i just avoided the coverage about me. I had been convinced that I was Jesus, and was writing a new bible. After a series of dreams and siezures and getting amnesia and put on a wicked drug that I did not need. I thought the world was going to rapidly change... and at the time I needed no more evidence than the bizarre poetry that was flowing from my mind. I was obsessed with my own words, and basicallyignoring everyone else, thinking I had found some level of truth that only I was privy...

When I finally took myself off the drugs, I laid in bed for a month, feeling horrible, knowing people had died because of me. Though also not because of me. That was not me, the thing they created with black psy-op's. When I saw that people were really trying to change the world, I of course wanted to keep the energy flowing... however, I let the people around me convince me that I was not at the center of the storm, that the lightening was all in mind. Some of it was certainly all in my mind, and other parts were just sad, old facts.

When I felt no one was reading me, there was a freedom just to be as obnoxious as I wanted. Now I feel like my words have to be carefully sparsed out to avoid over-reactions. I do not want anyone to die... My main intent was to get Obama elected, and to write a fiction/fact blog, in the style of new journalism, about revolution coming to america in the form of Christ. I truly do not believe that Obama would have been elected without my support. the New York Times published poetry in their op-ed section the day after the election, to let me know that some other people felt the same way. I did not get a chance to read the poetry, heard about it on the Colbert Report.

I do not know what to do now? For awhile, I felt like people expected me to go out and protest, and what not. Jessie Jackson's easter sermon was all about getting grace, not thanks... I thought he was addressing me, and found proof when they didn't rebroadcast the episode, like they always do... This has been a prevailing theme in my life -- they great they are doing their best to keep anyone from telling me the truth. However, as bad as this sounds, I feel so betrayed that I just sit here dealing with my own selfish emotions. I feel burned and used and distant from life. I could go up on a mountain and never see another human and be just fine with it... I think this sometimes. My Jeremiah Johnson fantasy.

I think the undercurrent of true patriotism that I found in this country was exploited by forces I cannot begin to understand. I was doing my own thing, and they were doing theirs. I regret so much... no one would have been hurt if they had left me alone. But... I was some kind of secret weapon that they were keeping back. I do not understand much of this... the secrecy in this world is a wall that I cannot see over, crawl over, or smash through.

Now, to you jailers... and the people who stole all the money that peace and pipedreams was making... and the people who aimed those quasars at me... they all know that I was in no condition to make leadership decisions. They knew that they had drugged and beaten me into a scarred old pit bull. I actually could have ran a great campaign, and they know as much... which is why they attacked me when I was on the brink of fame. I wrote at the time that I did not want fame and wealth, like I wrote a lot of things that I do understand at this point. I do think we make way too much of famous people, etc... and I do not want to become whatever some career consultant wants to be... still, I would like to make some money, if for no other reason than to give most of it away.

I think we did a good thing for this country. I think we woke up a lot of people. Had the best voter turn out among youth ever, which was what was needed to get a democratic majority in the senate, congress, etc...

I turned down the chance the rule, because that was not my objective at all. I just wanted the same basic changes that almost everyone wants.

I am done fighting with people. I love some people who are pissed at me. Like Mayor Daly, part of me likes that he is an anti-politician when it comes to being calm and collected. I love the city I live in, and he deserves a lot of credit. That doesn't mean I agree with everything he does, but it sure as hell does mean I hate him. Tommy Smothers is another example. I always loved the smothers brothers, and was shocked that he would come out against me, of all people. This tells me that things were done in my name that I would not have wanted. Liberal's have no reason to dislike me at all. The phrase Total War For Total Peace was about making a committment to get the justice that is required for true peace. I suppose they despise me because I think some fights are worth fighting. I am not going to change my opinion.

I would take back a lot of what I said. You just don't understand that the conflicts going on inside of me were tremondoous, and created by people who looked at me like their enemy.

I kept thinking, if this is really happening, then someone will sooner or later come to me. I understand now that the security was too tight for that to happen. Now? It must still be there, or some people at least would be coming forward. What can I do? Nothing...

I was almost getting to the point where I could go on, and just fight my little war with the few people who come to my blog. Today, I feel so defeated... like there is nothing worth fighting for anyways.

Do I have any friends left in the media? Am I truly alone now? Would I leave Chicago and find that people know about me in other cities?

Check out all of my blogs by googling my name, John Scott Ridgway

the drivel

Drivel drivel drivel
the pundits have to come up with something new to say everyday

something new for us to think and discuss
a social ill oozing pus in a landscapes of open sores

standing in our living rooms watching our neighbors houses burn while we think about something else

murder on the news a distraction from our real problems


Hmmm....  thinking and watching and absorbing
Taking in the daily crap of news in my computer,
 the bit that makes it to tv that interests me. . .
 Watch the telecaste news and you can choose which ideology you want espoused.
 Whether to raise the kids just enough left or just enough right to stay within the desired perimeters.
Two paths taken to the exclusion of all others... long after we know of the quick-sand to come

my life holds only as much significance as I choose to lift
what I pick up and shape

swirling around the drain

a drop of water
in the sink
flowing along in a spinning wave

going down into the unknown
again


oceans flowing up into the sky
falling back to earth
season after season


part of the great ocean
a speck of chemicals
molecules
left over from clash of universes

and smashing meteorites
the chaotic Blast of the Big Bang

we defend our patch of the expanse with nuclear bombs


in the infinite solutions to the problems
inherent in birthing life one a bit of battered stone in space
we are failing even to manage our small patch of rock with any sense or honor



we look up for solutions
some see a God
some see Time Itself
some have a name for every star and angel in the sky
some send saviors out with sustenance for t poor
some send protesters to burials and proclaim the fallen soldiers are going to hell

some see only question marks
unanswerable oddities that make the astronomers finger painted solutions absurd

l spin round and round and round
dizzy all the time
stumbling around barely understood religions that are all too easy to dismiss

our fates are bound up in minute socio-psycho-anthro files
predicted and foreseen by prophets and hard-minded scientific seers

our self-destruction built into every civilization
one out of hundred of the children are autistic now
the rate shoots up in areas of high pollution
yet people want to blame the vaccines because they know something is responsible
what will the parents of the damaged do when they find out the polluters
now wantonly take the minds of the young?
will we finally take our place in the ancient struggle for life
that brought molecules together to create our hands and eyes and hearts and minds?

we would rather watch men go to the moon than look at our feet

The Only Logical END TO THE COMING TRUE NUCLEAR ERA? People gonna die.

Iran nd Syria and Iraq --  the middle eastern countries denied nuclear weapons.  Odd.  Did we protest when all these other countries developed nuclear weapons?  Some.  We did not bomb them out of existence.

Face it folks -- these countries are going to get nukes.   The Governments think like this-- they want Power at the negotiating table  -- the much talked about diplomacy that seeks to quell the power of an adversary, aided by the threat of a Nuclear Bomb.  I know something personally about threatening people with a Nuclear Bomb.  In my writing, as I was filled with revolutionary poetry, trying to incite in myself the patriotism, the greedy need for justice, and righteous anger that was requited for the poetry to have the desired fire, I wondered what I would do with a nuclear bomb...

I realized as I tinkered with the idea of nuclear weapons, that everyone in any government is going to want one these damn super dicks.

Who doesn't?  The people who will be burned alive by the fucking bombs.  And sooner or later, someone will use them again.


The greatest flash point right now is the simmering war between Israel and everyone else in the middle east...  I do not judge people for any religion, just how they use it...  it is the zionist agenda of the fanatics that scare me, as all fanatics do (I know what we are capable of).  The Israelis' that destroy my respect for the country (not the people) is severely effected by their expansion into new settlements, reclaiming land for their God or just taking advantage of the cheap price of land in neighborhoods that you have to take with gunfire.... equally  sickens me...  This is something you hear about gangs doing for drug territory, not nations that say they want peace with the Palestinians.  And their cause is heart felt around the Arab world in a way that is hard for Americans to understand.   I pity the good citizens who live under such governments....  feel for their young soldiers.


So let's say Iran gets the Nukes.  At what point will they decide that they have enough to obliterate Israel, as some profess to want?  Will they pressure the Jews to up the anti if they want to keep stealing more land?   Go nuclear with that shit?  Not that it has to be Iran.  It could be Syria, or even Egypt, or...  perhaps one country will get them, then send one to a more radical ally to set off..  (my intent is not to pick on Iran, just because they may get there first, done not mean that they will be the last, or any less responsible than other countries).


Whoever gets them first, if Israel goes nuclear, will some superpower jump in, leading another super power to get in... or maybe France backs the Palestinians and Israel nukes them, and then...  I doubt everyone will set them off enough, but life as we know it is about to get interesting.

400 new obscene fucks for the psycho killers hit list... pick up a Forbes and get your guns.

I was way too pissed off when I wrote the below entry....  this is like pissing on superman's cape.  The very people who have the actual power to change the world are the ones who I piss off with this kind of rant.  This is totally Johnny Pain writing this one, not me.... so ... on that basis, I will leave this kind of stupid rant up.  I honestly do not think murdering people is any kind of solution to anything, other than a purge of emotions, or an acknowledgement of my anger...  I recently read about a blogger the fbi paid to incite right wing violence -- I am not sure if this was to bust them, or just to scare the leftest's (as my writing about killing neocons could to some, thought that is not my intent).  He actually published a map to a judges house, and wrote that someone should kill him.  That is the kind of thing that a gonzo writer on the web would never do -  too much research for a pot head.  Seriously, the messages on the surface of my work are deceptive.  How about the underlying message?  This entry basically is saying that we needed to get rid of Bush and Reagen's tax cuts.  Clinton had a five trillion dollar surplus, and Bush gave this tax hike to the wealthy, and now we have a 6 trillion dollar deficit.  Simple math.  This is the kind of thing that just drives me crazy.  Everyone knows this is right who sits down and thinks about it with an open mind and modicum of common sense.  We need to give everyone a chance to be all they can fucking be.

We have to change something fundamental in this society, or we are going to end up with a prison state... oh, yea, we already did...





This from the socialist workers party:

  The combined fortune of the richest 400 Americans, who comprise just .00013 percent of the population, is greater by about 50 percent than the price of the health care “overhaul” promoted by the Obama administration, which, in the name of “controlling costs,” will carry out substantial cuts in Medicare, ration treatment to the sick and aged, and force families to purchase private insurance.

Two categories, “finance” and “investments,” provided the fortunes of 106 of the wealthiest Americans. Other major sources of wealth that Forbes identified include media, real estate, oil and ret




This from me...

40 million live in poverty... time to overpower these fucks and take that money back... 400 bullets, baby, 00013 percent of the population... . as opposed to the rest of us. Oh by the way, these are the same people who crashed the market and took the money out of our retirement accounts. Stolen money taken with the law on their side, making the law no longer the law... but the anti-law...




Bill gates' has more money than the gdp of like 140 countries.... this is too sickening. The time has come to redistribute the wealth. Taxes need to be fucking jacked up on these bastards at least. The BUSH TAX CUTS, ON TOP OF OTHER TAX CUTS... HAS LOWERED THEIR TAXES ALMOST FIFTY PERCENT....And then they crashed the economy with their greed. And the trading practices that we see them using now are PURE AND SIMPLE THEFT. THEY SELL THE STOCKS BACK AND FORTH, DESTROYING THEIR WORTH... AND TAKING THEIR BROKER FEE'S... LOOK INTO THE NEW HIGH SPEED TRADING, WHERE THEY DESTROY STOCK PRICES OF GOOD COMPANIES, AND YOUR RETIREMENT AND HEALTH CARE AND SCHOOLING, JUST TO ADD TO THEIR LARGESS....




OF COURSE I AM KIDDING....KILLING THEM WOULD NOT do any GOOD... UNLESS THE ANTI-LAWS ARE CHANGED, IT WOULD TAKE KILLING OFF THEIR BLOOD LINES.... AND WHILE THIS IS A GOOD IDEA, IT IS UNREALISTIc.. YOU AMERICANS DON'T HAVE RUSSIAN BALLS,, OIBVIOUSLY.


JUST LEARN PEOPLE THAT HIGHER TAXES ON THE RICH IS THE ONLY PEACEFUL ALTERNATIVE. NO ONE NEEDS 30 BILLION. AND DO SOMETHING, OR SOONER OR LATER THE RICH HERE, EVEN THOSE WHO ARE JUST SLIGHTLY SO AND USE THEIR MONEY FOR THE COLLECTIVE GOOD, WILL HAVE TO RIDE AROUND IN ARMORED CARS WITH THEIR OWN ARMIES... LIKE THEY DO IN OTHER COUNTRIES THAT DO NOT PUT UP WITH THIS SHIT.

Artticle about new weaopons coming out against protestors... read it and weap, dear liberty

and why, we ask... is the mainstream press ignoring this story?   You won't read it in your local news, or see this shit in the NYT....  Bob recently introduced me to
truthout.org   This should be one of the most popular sites on the internet.


Truth Out shows why we need to get new journalists in there
and forget about the mainstream media's celebrity feeding frenzy.
Organizations owned by the elite protect the elite.

TRUTHOUT ORIGINAL

  

Robocops Come to Pittsburgh

Tuesday 29 September 2009

by: Mike Ferner, t r u t h o u t | Perspective

Pittsburgh police use a Long Range Acoustic Device (LRAD). (Photo: margaretkilljoy / flickr)

    No longer the stuff of disturbing futuristic fantasies, an arsenal of "crowd control munitions," including one that reportedly made its debut in the US, was deployed with a massive, overpowering police presence in Pittsburgh during last week's G-20 protests.

    Nearly 200 arrests were made and civil liberties groups charged the many thousands of police (transported on Port Authority buses displaying "PITTSBURGH WELCOMES THE WORLD"), from as far away as Arizona
and Florida with overreacting ... and they
had plenty of weaponry with which to do it.

    Bean bags fired from shotguns, CS (tear) gas,
grenades, batons and, according to local
news reports, for the first time on the
 streets of America, the Long
Range Acoustic Device (LRAD).

    I saw the LRAD, mounted in the turret
of an Armored Personnel Carrier (APC), i
n action twice in the area of 25th, Penn
and Liberty Streets of Lawrenceville,
an old Pittsburgh neighborhood.
Blasting a shrill, piercing noise
like a high-pitched police siren on steroids, i
t quickly swept streets and sidewalks of
pedestrians, merchants and journalists,
 and drove residents into their homes,
but in neither case were any demonstrators present.
The APC, oversized and sinister for a city street,
together with lines of police in full riot
gear looking like darkly threatening
Michelin Men, made for a scene out
of a movie you didn't want to be in.

    As intimidating as this massive show of armed force and technology was, the good burghers of Pittsburgh and their fellow citizens in the Land of the Brave and Home of the Free ain't seen nothin' yet. Tear gas and pepper spray are nothing to sniff at and, indeed, have proven fatal a surprising number of times, but they have now become the old standbys compared to the list below that's already at or coming soon to a police station or National Guard headquarters near you. Proving that "what goes around, comes around," some of the new Property Protection Devices were developed by a network of federally funded, university-based research institutes like one in Pittsburgh itself, Penn State's Institute for Non-Lethal Defense Technologies.

    * Raytheon Corp.'s Active Denial System, designed for crowd control in combat zones, uses an energy beam to induce an intolerable heating sensation, like a hot iron placed on the skin. It is effective beyond the range of small arms, in excess of 400 meters (about one-quarter mile). Company officials have been advised they could expand the market by selling a smaller, tripod-mounted version for police forces.

    * M5 Modular Crowd Control Munition, with a range of 30 meters (about 98 feet) "is similar in operation to a claymore mine, but it delivers ... a strong, nonpenetrating blow to the body with multiple sub-munitions (600 rubber balls)."

    * Long Range Acoustic Device or "The Scream," is a powerful megaphone the size of a satellite dish that can emit sound "50 times greater than the human threshold for pain" at close range, causing permanent hearing damage. The Los Angeles Times wrote that US Marines in Iraq used it in 2004. It can deliver recorded warnings in Arabic and, on command, emit a piercing tone ..." [For] most people, even if they plug their ears, [the device] will produce the equivalent of an instant migraine," says Woody Norris, chairman of American Technology Corp., the San Diego firm that produces the weapon. "It will knock [some people] on their knees." CBS News reported in 2005 that the Israeli Army first used the device in the field to break up a protest against Israel's separation wall. "Protesters covered their ears and grabbed their heads, overcome by dizziness and nausea, after the vehicle-mounted device began sending out bursts of audible, but not loud, sound at intervals of about 10 seconds.... A military official said the device emits a special frequency that targets the inner ear."

    * In "Non-Lethal Technologies: An Overview," Lewer and Davison describe a lengthy catalog of new weaponry, including the "Directed Stick Radiator," a hand-held system based on the same technology as The Scream. "It fires high intensity 'sonic bullets' or pulses of sound between 125-150db for a second or two. Such a weapon could, when fully developed, have the capacity to knock people off their feet."

    * The Penn State facility is testing a "Distributed Sound and Light Array Debilitator" a.k.a. the "puke ray." The colors and rhythm of light are absorbed by the retina and disorient the brain, blinding the victim for several seconds. In conjunction with disturbing sounds, it can make the person stumble or feel nauseated. Foreign Policy in Focus reports that the Department of Homeland Security, with $1 million invested for testing the device, hopes to see it "in the hands of thousands of policemen, border agents and National Guardsmen" by 2010.

    * Spider silk is cited in the University of Bradford's Non-Lethal Weapons Research Project, Report #4 (pg. 20) as an up-and-comer. "A research collaboration between the University of New Hampshire and the US Army Natick Research, Development and Engineering Center is looking into the use of spider silk as a non-lethal 'entanglement' material for disabling people. They have developed a method for producing recombinant spider silk protein using E. coli and are trying to develop methods to produce large quantities of these fibres."

    * New Scientist reports that the (I'm not making this up) Inertial Capacitive Incapacitator (ICI), developed by the Physical Optics Corporation of Torrance, California, uses a thin-film storage device charged during manufacture that only discharges when it strikes the target. It can be incorporated into a ring-shaped aerofoil and fired from a standard grenade launcher at low velocity, while still maintaining a flat trajectory for maximum accuracy.

    * Aiming beyond Tasers, the Homeland Security Advanced Research Projects Agency, (FY 2009 budget: $1 billion) the domestic equivalent of the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA), plans to develop wireless weapons effective over greater distances, such as in an auditorium or sports stadium, or on a city street. One such device, the Piezer, uses piezoelectric crystals that produce voltage when they are compressed. A 12-gauge shotgun fires the crystals, stunning the target with an electric shock on impact. Lynntech of College Station, Texas, is developing a projectile Taser that can be fired from a shotgun or 40-mm grenade launcher to greatly increase the weapon's current range of seven meters.

    * "Off the Rocker and On the Floor: Continued Development of Biochemical Incapacitating Weapons," a report by the Bradford Disarmament Research Centre revealed that in 1992, the National Institute of Justice contracted with Lawrence Livermore National Lab to review clinical anesthetics for use by special ops military forces and police. The lab concluded the best option was an opioid, like fentanyl, effective at very low doses compared to morphine. Combined with a patch soaked in DMSO (dimethylsufoxide, a solvent) and fired from an air rifle, fentanyl could be delivered to the skin even through light clothing. Another recommended application for the drug was mixed with fine powder and dispersed as smoke.

    * After upgrades, the infamous "Puff the Magic Dragon" gunship from the Vietnam War is now the AC-130. "Non-Lethal Weaponry: Applications to AC-130 Gunships," observes that "With the increasing involvement of US military in operations other than war ..." the AC-130 "would provide commanders a full range of non-lethal weaponry from an airborne platform which was not previously available to them." The paper concludes in part that "As the use of non-lethal weapons increases and it becomes valid and acceptable, more options will become available."

    * Prozac and Zoloft are two of over 100 pharmaceuticals identified by the Penn State College of Medicine and the university's Applied Research Lab for further study as "non-lethal calmatives." These Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors (SSRIs), noted the Penn State study, "... are found to be highly effective for numerous behavioral disturbances encountered in situations where a deployment of a non-lethal technique must be considered. This class of pharmaceutical agents also continues to be under intense development by the pharmaceutical industry.... New compounds under development (WO 09500194) are being designed with a faster onset of action. Drug development is continuing at a rapid rate in this area due to the large market for the treatment of depression (15 million individuals in North America).... It is likely that an SSRI agent can be identified in the near future that will feature a rapid rate of onset."

    In Pittsburgh last week, an enormously expensive show of police and weaponry, intended for "security" of the G20 delegates, simultaneously shut workers out of downtown jobs for two days, forced gasping students and residents back into their dormitories and homes, and turned journalists' press passes into quaint, obsolete reminders of a bygone time.

    Most significant of all, however, was what Witold Walczak, legal director of the Pennsylvania ACLU, told The Associated Press: "It's not just intimidation, it's disruption and in some cases outright prevention of peaceful protesters being able to get their message out."

»

Mike Ferner is a writer from Ohio and president of Veterans For Peace.

video of me messing around with words... faces... beauty... playing da stoner.

I actually like this video...  it is a fun step into playing with words and images and sounds altogether.  I truly look like shit in this one. No flattering light here.  The only thing missing is my fucking bald spot.  So vain I am at times.  I know how to use light, but that is not evident here.  Sorry.  I call this one, rather pretentiously, as is my way, 'If they could read my mind.'  I hope it makes you laugh, despite the poor quality of production amassed in a few moments of fucking around, late in the night, with my webcam....




out all of mThisy blogs by googling my name, John Scott Ridgway

WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON WITH THIS BLOG?????

I have been spending a lot of time figuring out what I want to do with the new radio show.  I am seriously thinking about calling it  THE ELVES ATTIC.  The show is going to be like a fiction reading, with comedy and new music  added in.  I am getting together a caste of characters, who I will mostly do.  Seth Green does 37 characters...  man, that is amazing.  He is a real inspiration.  I pulled all the voices out of my ass on te radio show.  We would come up with some character, and on the spot, that night on the show, I would make up a voice.  Of course, during the first half of that show, I was totally lost on seroqyl, the drug that interacted with my pain medication to drive me manic.  I was basically losing it.  A lot going on in my mind, and in fact I was much more focused on writing my book Waking Up Jesus that the radio show.  That was such a mystical experience that everything else paled.  \\

This time around, I am totally in charge ;  I have produced a few shows before, mostly literary readings and a tv show.   I like the control of being director, producer, actor, writer.  I do have a couple people who I asked to come in on the deal and give me some work.  My buddy Bob, who has some of hte most interesting things to say about politics, and is even further left that I am.  He is kind of my ideological bud.  Of course, he is also wickedly funny when he wants to be and very pissed off at the world.  The other is a freelance writer from la, who is right bow finishing up the writing of a documentary, Seal Island, which you can find on face book.  A movie with a purpose...  He is also very, very funny.  I will tape them both, and have them live when they can fit it into their schedule.  talk blog radiopays on the basis of listeners, and I should have a nice group of folk who miss Peace and Pipedreams.  I will never forget running into two wasted guys from detroit, at the beach, around 6 am.  They were swimming, had been out all night.  I knew Detroit was very into the show, so I asked them if they had heard of it... they loved the show, and it took me playing out the voice of Moon Bong Haze to convince them that I was actually on the show.  They really missed the show.  No one is going as farinto stoner humor as we are, with t exception of the masters, Cheechs and Ching, who got together to do their stoner humor, after a  twenty year break, affter listening to our show.  YEAH TOMMY CHONG... when I heard he was listening, My heart fucking started pounding.  They made me laugh so fucking hard when I was a kid.  I have not heard that stuff in twenty five years, and I still remember a few of their skits.  Me and my brothers used to do them.  So...  I will finally be getting paid for my art, again.


The set up is cool.  I will have the ability to have up to five people logged in as DJ's.  All it takes is a computer and a microphone.  They can be anywhere.  No more fucking trips to the studio for me.  I do this show from the comfort of my own little castle.

I am going to be using the blog for character development. Which translates into grotesque stales, like that of Chester Ballsonu, who seeps puss from his dozens, if not hundreds, of venereal diseases.

I have to develop a few stoner friends for MOON BONG, since I will not have the other two people from the show to play the brother and mother.  . They have both moved on, one had two kids in the last couple years and the other is working on a radio show in la, from her home here, as well as doing her stand up.

One is a nark.  We had one on the show... bad things will always happen to him.  I will also be doing the show in a way that characters will get killed in certain situations, then they will be resurrected by Christ, who of course is going to be a huge character on the show.   I have christ, johnny pain, chester, scott ridgway, Mohammed Al Bidi (he is a muslim who hates american ways, and talks about he supports terrorism;  I am going to give the radical muslim attitude.  Another is X.  He is african american, and very radical and pissed off.  \

Violence will also be a trade mark to the comedy.  Since the shows will be put on line afterwards to be downloaded, I can do story plots that extend from show to show...  One is going to be a war of the worlds type play, where Johnny Pain, with the aide of Jesus, rather accidentley take over the world.

Another thing not done before...The last third of the show will be radically different.  I am going to actually read my novel one war.  I am also going to use a lot of the revolutionary poetry.  Having them all recorded for posterity is worth me doing the show for awhile.  I have a buddy who plays guitar, and has some great recording equipment, who is going to help me make the poetry cool.  I did some wild readings for peace and pipedreams, and will do the same here.

Another main point of the show is going to be politics.  Like one segment, WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN??  Where I will explain the meaning of various philosophies that I have studied.  Just a few paragraphs that give a taste of what is really a banquet, but if I get some people interested in figuring out Wittgenstein or Nietzsche, I will have done my duty.  The coup de gra' (or however that is spelled) is going to be a segment where I tell people where all the protests will be in Chicago.  There really is nowhere in Chicago to figure this out.  So, I will bring them all in here.  I will draw the line at abortion clinic protests, but most others...  This is not going to be easy, but once I have all the contacts tracked down, I should be able to  gather the info....  This could be a great resource for the artistic community in Chicago, as well as an inspiration to people in other countries and states.


This is probably boring as hell to anyone foolish enough to read this.... I guess I am throwing this out hoping without much hope that perhaps someone out there has a good suggestion.







Check out all of my blogs by googling my name, John Scott Ridgway

scamatomologists keeping slaves....

This is a comment about Scientology on Something I didn't know...

As xenubarb already mentioned, Amnesty International is currently investigating Scientology's Sea Organization for human trafficking, but the process started in the Southern Division Offices of AI in Atlanta, Georgia. Information was sent to the Southern Division by ex-Scientologists, non-Scientologists who had worked around Sea Org members and saw some of the abuses first hand, and by longtime critics of this cult. 
They went over the information and found it very credible. They forwarded the info to their national offices in New York City where it was once again gone over with a fine tooth comb. The info was sent to AI-London Offices because the London offices have the most experience in investigating human trafficking cases. 
Scientology has been operating a slave ring by culling poor people from third world countries. They are brought to the United States; their passports and visas are confiscated---which is against the law; they are put through a brainwashing technique that includes sleep deprivation, starvation, and long hours of manual labor; they are paid $45-75 a week with $75 being the top pay no matter how long you are in the Sea Org. Many stories of physical, mental, and sexual abuse were reported to AI. 
When everything comes out about this cult, people will be shocked. There are many stories of what goes on in this cult. Many of the horror stories can be read on a website started by three young women who were raised in Scientology. If you google ex-scientology kids you will find their website. It's not for the faint of heart.  out all of my blogs by googling my name, John Scott Ridgway

The days go on and on,

 interrupted by the occasional surprise,

tragedy,

movie,

conversation...

a river that we ride from infants to old age.

we do not notice the changing landscape

the malls where there were woods

highways where there were houses

pictures on the wall take the place of the lost ones
memories of people we have known who just rode off into the horizon one day
never to be seen again


the tangling web of friends and famalies
the chains and open arms of our loves

frightened and freaked and fucking unsure of anything much at all
we listen to the news caste and accept our opinion du jour

don't look too deep boy
don't stand on the edge -of the earth and look over
into the swirling darkness and mystic whisps of what was

go to work
watch the game
get it out of your system with bears and x boxes

opinions locked away in our heart
afraid to look like the latest philosophy
demonized by association with fascists and mafioso
who wear words like socialism as badges
to pretend they are of the people
as they rape the businessmen and abuse the people

keep locked in your heart what you believe
tell others just enough to shut them up on stupid issues
play along with the Capitalists or they will let you starve
they give you no jobs then pretend you are the dead beats in an Ayn Rand novel
turn you into non-producers -- the right wing at a tea party protest wants them DEAD
along with the liberals

a sign of the madness existing out there
the loud voice of the insane drown out the civil

abandoned
i walk alone through the mental geographies
marveling at the myriad of interpretations of the goings on in this world
they mythic stories that fill our heads
the pretend that we reinforce with weekly trips to church
and one sided conversations with a silent being in the sky


man wishes to be worshiped
God wishes the law to be worshiped in his place
as his will arisen from the chaos

what does He want of a man on an obscure planet on the edge of the Milky Way?
the same as he wishes for all the universe -- that we will learn he is love
not war/not hate/not judgement

He requires no revenge
HIS world is magnificently larger than our minds could hold
our ways minute events in his majesty

the larger the picture the further into the future my mind wants to project
sooner or later the planet is going to lose the ability to sustain life
the end of all life
another dead chunk of rock circling the sun














to fall on its sword











Check out all of my blogs by googling my name, John Scott Ridgway

locating souls

HALF ASSED, UNFINISHED IDEA FOR A STORY ABOUT AN ORGANIZATION THAT LOCATES REINCARNATED SOULS, ATTEMPTING TO MONITOR THE BALANCE OF GOOD AND EVIL, SABOTAGING SOME LIVES AND ELEVATING OTHERS.  THE ACTION TAKES PLACE AFTER AN EVIL ORGANIZATION HAS DECIDED TO CREATE THE APOCOLYPSE BY CHANGING THE BALANCE OF POWER, ELEVATING THE EVIL AND MARGINALIZING THE GOOD.  PROBABLY STUPID.



The information I am about to impart is already being denied by the Church.  There is not time for their discretion anymore.  I have had to break my vows of silence and come to the aide of humanity.  Without action, taken soon, the end of humanity is assured.  For generations my family has nurtured a gift for locating reincarnated souls.  Not a parlor game at all;  a deadly serious art practiced around the world by every major religion and various secret societies.  An open secret among the clergy, built on the principal that only secrecy would allow for their missions.

Certain souls were undesirable, had to be watched.  We always believed that we were working for the forces of good, because of the crosses, the churches, the dizzying incense.   I would still believe this even now, had they not began to exterminate my family.  My kind has essentially been wiped out.  Our ancient craft lost to the generations to come.  The elaborate files from times ancient and forgotten, burned in an unholy fire  Our careful research, the ponderings and works of generations and generations, all gone now.

All that is left is stopping the ones who have taken control.  They do not want anyone stopping the triumph of evil this time.. the balance

Check out all of my blogs by googling my name, John Scott Ridgway

time to go home

everyone wants to go home

refugees, insurgents, cops, invaders and the invaded

home
forever transformed by the empty spaces of the dead

kids and mothers and fathers become a photograph
on the wall and in a place of pride/a place of pain

kneeling and screaming and pounding my fists on the floor
bothering a neighbor and maybe causing a call to the cops
a burst of protest at my own inability to change much of anything

my feelings are fascists
their way or the highway
ain't no voting on who I love and hate
only opinion that matters is my own

We only realize violence wasn't the only option
afterwards
murderers sitting in our cells
wondering how the hell we could have been so fucking stupid


i started out calling for total war for total peace
they convinced me I was destroying their country
that Iraq would fall apart without our soldiers
that there were Taliban terrorists
ready to rise up with nukes in Afganistan

took my mind into landscape of lies
where I had to close my eyes
to see the truth

send them home
send them all home

we'll talk it over once the guns are put away
and people are no longer afraid to speak their minds



























Check out all of my blogs by googling my name, John Scott Ridgway

BREAKFEST WITH THE OBAMA'S

After reading an article about town hall protesters, the president holds up the paper to Michelle, asking, "Honey, how does it feel to be a woman from the south side of Chicago who is married to Hitler?  A commie, muslim, Indonesian, anti-christ, Hitler, none-the-less."

"Not in front of the girls, Barrack."
"Daddy, are you Hitler?"
"No, dear, Daddy does not like Hitler.  He was a very, very bad man.  Daddy is your daddy.  These people like to pretend that is what I am like."
"Why?"
"Remember when we talked about bullies?"
"Yes."
"Well, they are bullies."
"Tell the teacher, daddy."
"You know what, I think I will."








Check out all of my blogs by googling my name, John Scott Ridgway

in Defense of Mayor Daley... ?? No, seriously.

There are pros and cons to everything.  I can't help but wonder if right now, as the world goes through these terrific financial convulsions, if we are not better off in Chicago with a savvy, proven Mayor?  He may not be perfect, but no one would tell you that he does not know what he is doing, or can't get anything done.  It might be more important to use his power for the city, than to stand on any supposedly higher moral ground.

I would never question his desire to do right.  You can read that on his face.  He does care.  I just feel like I come in here all the time only bitching about the Mayor, when that is hardly how I feel about him.  What is good for the city is good for the city, regardless of who's name is on the door.

I hope for him only the best....  Because, like the short story I wrote this morning, I am sick of having an opinion.  I used to have a roomate who would have nothing to do with the news, or reading about politics.  He had enough problems, he figured.  He told me had read the news for 25 years and it was always the same thing over and over.  He turned me on to the Nation, which opened my eyes a lot to the world around me with an onslaught of depressing news.

I think opinions are essential in life, of course.  We need to judge ourselves, others...  situations, strange dogs... hey, we have that faculty for a very important reason.   Odd though, most of the time I am not judging people, but then when I start writing, the very act of translating something into words brings value judgements into play.

There is no way to just say I HAVE NO OPINION all of the time.  BUT MOST OF THE TIME, THAT IS PROBABLY  THE MOST SANE REACTION TO HAVE.  When I drove cab, I tried to have no opinion of people.  I saw some things, heard some things, but unless I was in danger, I felt little reason to jump into their lives with my view.   I accept that there are all kinds of people, and that those people act all kinds of ways at different times, and it is easy to demonize someone with a couple anecdotes, but the total person is not really represented.

I would like to have this reaction to people I do not like, "I am sorry you are like that."  That is it.  No blame. Nothing.  Just acknowledged grieving over the human condition, coupled with the thought that forgiveness is forever available, even to the lowliest prison trapped alone with only his thoughts and his God.








Check out all of my blogs by googling my name, John Scott Ridgway

No Opinion : The Short Tale of Dedrick Dolotta

Dedrick  gets on the train, sits down with  his legs crossed, with his knee hovering over the seat beside in such a way that he knew the average commuter would walk past, in search of a seat by the dreamed of skinny, polite person, with no scent what-so-ever.  He was reading the Red Eye, a free paper in Chicago that sits in boxes outside of every train station, on city corners of any traffic at all.  A teaser of words with the headlines from the Tribune, but enough words for a lot of commutes.  Not his.  He skipped the sports and gossip and anything that might be boring, finishing the few stories left during the first three of the fifteen train stations he would pass on his way to work.

He collects bills.  Bill Collector.  He likes having that title on his business card.  No euphemisms for him.  There is nothing, ever, in the paper about bill collecting.  He half-assedly folds up the paper, shoves it down in a crack between the seat and the quivering wall of the train.  "Opinion."  He says the word out loud, knowing the people around him hear his words, and feeling like someone had to say it.  He was nothing if not brutally, excruciatingly, honest.   He told people the reason he had been divorced three times was because he refused to lie to the women.  "They looked like shit some day, I pointed it out.  Do better.  What the hell is wrong with telling someone to do better?   My boss rides the entire office all day about doing better -- put up new motivational posters every month, sent from a corporate supply house in New York, with phrases meant to, bottom line, make them make more money.

"What did you say?"

He turns and looks at the voice.  A pleasant enough looking guy, who thought he was talking to him when he said 'opinion.'   "I was saying the papers are just full of opinions.  No one knows for sure what is going on in the world, and if they do, it is probably not in this paper."

"Oh.  Cool."   The guy looks back down into his book.

He looks out the window and wonders if it was his opinion, or her opinion, who was correct?  His latest fling, Amanda, lived in the same apartment complex, just  someone else who was lonely, and who lived close enough for an easy intimacy to sneak up on them over the course of the last few months.  He was sick of her opinions.  He wondered if someone could have no opinions?   Just answer the rest of the questions in his life with just one phrase, "I have no opinion."

He imagines a wandering monk surprising people as he treks across the country with a sign reading, "I have no opinion."  

Opinions were dangerous, like his boss said.  He had to get money from people who did not want to give it to him, who had that money laid out for something altogether different than paying some guy for an old health club membership loan from five years ago.  If he started listening to why they needed the money, they would suck him into a 'toxic' conversation.  Toxic as in unproductive.  Can't let the customers make you unproductive, no matter how they will try to get you to listen to some story that has nothing to do with giving him a credit card number or a check by phone right then, that night. 

'My boss is now a voice in my head.  I think his words like my own thoughts.  As if he were a prophet and I am his disciple'  
The thought surprises him.  He wonders if he should write that down, maybe send it to the motivational poster company?   

THIS KIDS SHIRT SHOULD READ...

HOME SCHOOLED IN HISTORY

DADDY WRITES ABOUT THE MIGHTY WHITE PEOPLE FROM PRISON

OFF MY MED'S AGAIN

NEVER HIRE ME FOR ANYTHING EVER

NEVER MARRY ME UNLESS YOU ARE CRAZY ENOUGH TO KILL FOR ME
(a pick up line that works with certain kinds of women, and they move to Idaho and talk cryptically about how taxes are funding the Masons in their search for a lost buddha who is said to have made a wrong turn somewhere,  just generally become confused by all the technology around now, and ended up reincarnating in a computer mouse.


People like this are actually out of the revolution game.  Co-opted.  The anti-christ stuff is horrifying.  Some nut is going to get this shit in their head.  Not a nut with a capital N, one of those small nuts, who no one really notices until the big day.  Well, people notice, but they are hard to stop.  Therapists see them first, but there is little they can do unless there is a crime.  The metal health community is ill-equipped to deal with all the people who need a lot of assistance to get their shit together.  

I really like Obama, feel like he thinks and feels about the world in ways similar to me, but much more sophisticated (thank God).  We have a similar ethic, though agreeing on everything would just be stupid, right?  I am not one to get into a cult of personality.  I think about all  the things on that man's plate and my head swims.  It is enough to give a sane person an anxiety attack.  Presidents have to be a little nuts in this respect.  I applaud Obama for remaining so sane during all of this.  And he is.  This is not a man who is acting all of the time.  He believes he is the best hope for this country, and a lot of others do, too.


















Why will they just not wear honest shirts that say, TOO STUPID FOR HISTORY, or OFF MY MED'S AGAIN.