Johnny Pain Snides Again

As a lot of you know, I have been held up on my compound since the end of the Peace and Pipedreams show, where I sorta, mostly by accident, took over the world.  Bush was doing a shitty job and the soldiers ended up having more faith in me, and I did get them better weed than old Bogging Bush, that is for sure (he was known for, Bogging of course, even long before he stole those elections)..  Hell, I almost had them eradicating the poppy to grow weed in Afghanistan,  before.. well, trying to run the world got boring for me.  I don't mean to be selfish, I am, just am.  I mean, there was talk of me giving speeches, kissing diplomatic ass...  even sobering up enough for the swearing in party -- it was just all a bit too much for a guy who can't be bothered to wipe the blood off his boots.  Hiding my antics from the press enough to be a Machiavellian political puppet for the Main Stream Media... just is not my style...  I take great pride in how I live, man.  Serial Killers have been dissed for too long.  We have been around since the dawn of time, doing the good work of Cain (God never invented anything just for the hell of it, you know?).

I have been staying comfortable of course, experimenting with my usual blends of weed on the six acres on the surface, and living in the eighty levels below the ground, where I have a full sized movie theater, an exact reproduction of Caligula's court, a two acre pool built into natural fawna... otter pools, penguins, etc... on the arctic level.  I inherited the place years ago...    
I had a good year.   A few young girls I bought over the years in different parts of the world, finally came of age, meaning a few more polygamist marriages....  I can't remember how many wives I have now.  I mean, who can be bothered to divorce them all, and I grow sick of them after a few days.  Eighteen year olds are fun to look at and touch, but listening to them talk for any length of time is just a bit much.   I mean, I have an itchy trigger finger, and mention Justin Beiber, or Dancing With The Stars... or any reality show, and I will more than likely kill.   At the very least, there is going to be some shooting.  At first, maybe to make a point, I will aim at the tv... though probably not. More than likely, if history tells me anything, you will be shot....   ( YES I AM KIDDING.   I pay them off when they come of age, send em to school, whatever....  but this shit is all arranged by my arab friends, not me... so I can't appear ungrateful.... you know me, my preference is for Chinese Twins, preferable one of each sex, and barring that I have all these groupies who want to be sewn together).

Some think killing for cultural betterment, as I call expressing my annoyance,  is a bad habit, though I suspect most people are with me on this.  The cops encouraged me...  the ones who came into the compound. after some fool called them on me over something to do with the ak-47's we were firing out on the street to drive off these fucking crows that shit on my car.  We didn't kill them, this time, but we fired steady for about twenty minutes... we were pretty whisky drunk and it was fun... sure put the fear of God in those car shitting crows... and I guess these neighbors..    Thecops were having a slow night so they stopped by to ask me how I wanted to deal with the situation... and party, of course.   There is a reason I have Krispy Kreme and Dunkin Donut deliver here and keep a Starfucks complete with nude waiters and waitresses... and other stuff best left out of any public record.   Part of my security plan to keep the cops on my side, and they have come through for me before.

 The officers all agreed that shooting people who encouraged bad music and tv was sensible, a right... nay, even an obligation,  to a guy like me..   Like I told them,  "What the fuck good is a license to kill if you don't use it?"   Most of them would love a license to kill... but you gotta be born to such things, with High Mason Connections, like my family, who have been killing for those people since long before they first organized as the Knights of Templar.  We have a very highly tuned psychopathy in this family,  and though the inbreeding is pretty much over (for me.... remember that sis), we still are a fairly special breed. I mean, I am not kidding when I tell you we have pretty strict rules in my business... but they are more guidelines than anything else.  I am probably one of the last people on earth who just gets to do whatever the hell I want, but that is how counties and secret societies get us to stick around... and believe me, like old time Town Tamers who came into western towns and basically killed all the outlaws,  I can be very useful... if I am in the mood.  I am no fucking sell out Batman, okay?  Burglary?  The got cops for that.  Drugs?  I encourage them.  So, no... don't think I am a cop in a costume... please... I will slow torture kill you over bringing such shit up around me, and there are a few missing, sickeningly fawning journalists who could tell you the same if they were ever to be found...

I seldom write about brain washing in my war journals on the web, because, quite frankly, I prefer to spring that expertise on dates only after I have them strapped down and drugged.  Why spoil the surprise?    And why invite the lawsuits?  The less evidence the better  (killing all the witnesses and lawyers involved in a lawsuit is fun, sure... but I got better things to do than make a mess for street cleaners and paramedics and cops).  I am making an exception so I can lay out my latest scheme for solving all world problems and instigating a world wide love fest that will win us entry into the Inter-Galactic Alliance of Worlds, which is pretty much all of the life on our surrounding planets who have evolved into space travelers, which means that they have progressed enough to understand why living for drug based orgies is not only logical, but the best worship under a God of Infinite Love (if this sounds logical to you, answer my ad on LoveNest, in the Too Kinky To Be Legal Section).

I have a plan that I hatched after the Bush Tax Cuts became the Obama Tax Cuts and the rich got richer, while the poor were indeed ... made poorer.  By cuts in Social Security, and other areas;  that money could have been used so much better than merely being given to people who are not in need... when so many are.   You probably wonder how politicians get so evil in the first place... how they can hate the poor, the downtrodden... how they can call the people their policies put out of work, Non-Producers, and talk about doing away with them?    How they turn on the people who got them elected and start wheeling and dealing behind closed doors with corporate criminals?  Well, the secret is, obviously....    brain washing.
For instance...
The oil companies hired ex-CIA guys to go in, and basically take young, promising politicians, and brain wash the hell out of them, until they could basically make them do whatever they want.  They get these politicians into all kinds of weird, sexual stuff and then became their only suppliers of the obscure drugs and auto-erotic asphyxiation techniques that they use... not to mention the sexual devices that they allow their people to access -- the thousands and thousands of masterbatory devices made under Bush Lites regime, when he secretly switched most of NASA's funding to  Vibro Suck Cock Boxes, Blow Up Bouncing Brittany Dolls, as well as amazingly lift--like Hurbert The Humping Donkey Dolls... good times... good times... anyways...

I figure if the right wing is going to be out brainwashing everyone, and they have been for years.. that I should start too.  Hell, most rock stars, comedians, and television personalties are nothing more than hollow shells, filled with whatever words and rage their Intelligence Handlers need to advance their evil agendas.  This is the world we know, and most of us have accepted that this is the way things are... Now, the unwitting of course have no idea about this... and they are always the ones who ask me how I can kill all these people and then calmly eat cannoli... figures, don't it?   I say start... but of course I have already put this plan into motion, or I would not be able to write about it.  I wouldn't tip anyone off.

This is basically how I spent the year... kidnapping, then brainwashing, politicians, celebrities, rock stars, military, and Intelligence folk, Mormons and Jehova Witnesses (they came to my door and it was just too easy) and various mailmen (again, they came on my compound while I was recruiting), and an ice cream truck driver (again...  easy).   I pretty much convinced them to pretend to be just who they have always been, though inside them I inserted a virulent communist personality, that will from this day forward argue every neo-connish decision they make.  Eventually I will use a series of prompts that I built into their psych to control their votes... which I started doing the last week of Obama's lameduck session,as a test.  Got some stuff passed, but I was too late to do much.

I am not going to use this new campaign to take over the world again or anything... that was too much work, man... like keeping up on the dishes or something.  I gotta live, man... can't be bothered.  I just want to amuse myself by occasionally making Mitch Mconnel and other conservative asses put forth a bill demanding that they socialize oil...

Everyone will be like, "What the Hell?"  And I will just be laughing.

After that of course their Republican buddies will give them cancer, attack them with remote radioactive devices, bug their assholes (literally... which is a little sick.. they say they have some theory about the lower intestines being the key to really judging a radical, but I am pretty much sure they just like to touch other peoples but holes and stick stuff up them, which is pretty much what these guys are into.. as far as I could see at the orgies they have been at here on the compound).   I love to use second, and third hand kills... there is a certain finesse in getting others to do your dirty work.  Not to mention, there are way too many bastards who deserve to die for me to ever get all of them, so like any modern business, I farm out some of the work, so to speak.   Let the Republican's kill their own.... less I have to worry about.  Like the cops who wait until the gang fights are over, in the hope that they will kill more of each other off.

Politics for fun and amusement... I mean, what the hell is it good for?  And for you people who keep leaving notes on my fence about how you want me to rule the world again and shit...  well, I know all the free government weed was cool for everybody, and we did advance sexual norms quite a bit with the weekly, required town square orgies... There were some good times.  Sure, I made mistakes...  I should have gotten rid of all those half Paris Hilton, Half Cocker Spanials that Moonbong had bred, after they got rich of Afgani weed... I put them in charge for awhile, and him and his brother managed to smoke most of the weed coming out of the country.  They were rolling joints with huge tarps and shit... ugh.  Anyways, they had the Paris Dogs made with a certain oral fixation....   I decided to keep one of the dogs for further study, not realizing they could use that mouth to talk as well... I hate to muzzle a dog, but I had to with one...and if I don't use a diamond studded muzzle...  well, she bites...  and that is not good in a head dog... not that I use her like that.
Anyways... as soon as I track down all the utube films of someone who is alleged to be me and that damn dog, I am staying pretty much out of the public eye.

Until then, stay stoned, boned and lubed... because sooner or later, I will be bursting down your door and expecting a party.