crafting madness

Weaving worlds from words

pretending things real

grafting the events of the day into a Frankenstein

man-made creations

vying with a jelous Gods dream

interlopers in the field of truth

pretenders to the throne

lining up in numbers as large as the delusional

read of Jesus popping up in Siberia, England, South America

The brit one says Jesus was a transvetite

calls his followers Rainbow people and advocates legalizing hemp*

in Siberia he is the traditional deity with the hair and beard

Jim Jones, David Koresh

the sweeping madness

makes me wonder what pushes men over

into thinking they are the ultimate lamb

God's sacrificial son

sent to earth to have his blood drunk and his flesh eaten

the guy in Britian was a secret agent

who turned on M-15

went underground

resurfaced nuts

big surprise

the chinese kids who protested in the square are coming out of prison mindless

they sit around and smile at everyone, saying nothing

emptied of whoever they were by 20 years of only China knows what

they take our brains or take our lives

the choice of the master

and the slave -- which is truly the oldest profession

the poetry and fiction are bombs dropped into paradigms

exploding words that tear through the gentle worlds we pretend ourselves into

...for the sake of the children, I suppose...

where is the gentle hand of heaven

reaching down to carry us away?

Have to point out how this british jesus mirrors my own. In case... well, when you are dealing with Spies and getting messages out in the media, you always have to wonder what they really mean? In this case, since I support the legalization of hemp, and have used the sexuality of Jesus as a way to show that the deity would not condemn homosexuals, etc... and the only 'church' I ever go to is the Rainbow co-olition... well, from his travestite stance, to the pot, to the their name, the rainbow people... When I first read about him, I wondered whether he was a mockery, or someone who had taken up my cause, and was telling me, in their own bizarre way... or they had picked up on what I said and were preaching it through some stealth method that involved starting a cult... a lot of speculation came into my mind. I also considered whether he was mocking me... in this case, since he started out a spy at least, there is a chance that he still is one. The guy tried to get the intelligence agencies in his countries under control. I am trying to do the same thing. We have way too much in common for this to be a co-icidence. The world really is underground, and above-ground, is the seperation of what is true in this world. I see why spies say they are 'witting,' and others are, "Unwitting.' That is the part of the fascination with spycraft for people -- accessing the secrets, which they use as a recruiting tool.

Anyways... as I sit here and try to explain what it is like to be Alice sitting ont his side of the looking glass, this seemed germaine. I got to the end of the poem and read it and thought, I should not dismiss this guy so easily because more is going on here than meets the eye. To say that he has been driven mad by the intelligence agencies would mean that I would have to stop all speculation of what he might indeed be trying to achieve, which is if that is some kind of message to me, or a mockery... well, I would like to know. I have been amazingly obtuse about these things most of my life... I see why people tend to shy away from thinking about intelligence issues -- you really do find out that indeed, there are monsters under the bed.

Check out all of my blogs by googling my name, John Scott Ridgway

Oh, Lord... how the idiocy does roll on and on

When I first started bloggin, it was because of the recommendation of a writer freind who was attending readings that I was running at the late, great, Big Star Cafe in Roger's Park, Chicago -- a Friday Night gathering that was really hitting its stride when the place closed... I would take my paintings down for the back drop, sell prints of my work on the table. It was like hosting a party every week. Blogging challanged me to try a new type of writing -- confessional. I had written about my life often, as a poet... i lived the artist life, right on the edge, showing my disdain for modern society in my drunken, stoned rejection of this fucked up, elitist, mental-mind rape of a culture. Jason Pettus, one of the top bloggers in the world rated 37 on the entire web for awhile, became a huge promoter of my work, as I am of his. He has one of the brightest, bravest minds I have had the privelage to hang around. He used his life in his journal to gather a readership, as well as fight prejudice against variations on modern, accepted sexuality.

I got all wasted on valium and weed and wrote about being sexually abused, after hearing that this bastard was trying to take in high school kids in some kind of exchange of students between europre and tennessee, where he was keeping his stanked ass. I decided, NO, FUCK NO... I CAN DEAL WITH WHAT HAPPENED TO ME... I CANNOT DEAL WITH BEING A PART OF OTHER PEOPLE FALLING INTO KEN HAYNE'S MENTAL WEB. A guy who flies his own plane, has various houses, and is considered the pinancle of right wing success, uses this power over people to get what he wants, and who cares about the bleeding assholes his rapes leave behind... he was hated by the people who worked for him -- became the star of bathroom humor about Cooper Industrial Products. Dude is a racist -- he actually thinks blacks are more primitive than whites. God... the idiot once tried to put down my family by saying we probably bad black blood. Amazing. I love all this shit best because I am of kingly blood, and smarter than 99 percent of the americans I went to school with... this according to their own way of looking at the world, not mine...

I do not judge people by ancestory, though I think everyone who is smart probably has a cool one. I like that we were kings. Part of why we were is because my family loves people. I was raised a certain way, and it was powerful and good in a lot of respects. No one was better than us because we were poor was a huge part of what my Mom gave us. And yes, we were looked down upon by the stupid ass power elite in our dum ass small town of Garrett, Indiana... typical shit. We had eight people trying to live in a small house on the checki's of two factory workers who were not good with money, but other than that... we had plenty of cash until a couple days before payday, when my mom's spendthrift ways left us broke. Big Deal... I do the same myself all the time... of course, I make sure my pets are fed first, and have gone without food to feed them when I had to.

Now... when I started this blog, many years ago now, I wrote about this molestation, and my family all acted like they did not know, did not want to know, and despised me for bringing this up. Like me, they hoped Ken had stopped this shit, I guess... and ignored the plain out historical and sociological fact that guys who go after high school boys do not suddenly change. They need to be on sex offender lists, kept from the kids -- and, if they continue their ways, incarcerated and socially ostracized... instead, in my case, the offender got my family to turn against me for sayng anything and offending his children. Both of his kids were over eighteen. They were never molested, supposedly, though both became extremly obese, which my therapist used to tell me was a sign he messed with them... I do not believe this is always why people get fat, so I ignored his pleas to turn this guy in years ago. I pray he did not...

Anyways... just last year, my one brother decided that since he was sick and dying, he would forgive me and be my friend again. I can held my nose and started talking to him again -- being careful to avoid this topic, because he is a hot head, like all Ridgways... we fight, man, so what? ANyways... recently, they decided to come after me again, this time thinkiing I am lying about being targeted by the government. They did not ask me about it, try to find out what I meant, or bother reading my writing on the topic -- just assumed I was lying.

I was amazed. I do not know why... I mean, why would I suddenly make up this wild story, which destroys my credibility with a lot of people, if I did not know, absolutly, that this is true.

I have no reason to pretend that I was bugged, filmed, drugged, hospitalized, and jailed... it makes me sound crazy. I have to write these things, however, or I join the silent majority in this country that turns away from the evils they see, and go home and pretend they do not happen. History does not look kindly on people who do this, let alone writers.

So this week my youngest bro tells me that I am psychotic. Funny... the shrinks do not think this about me at all. The wondered why the hell I was even locked up in the psych ward after my seizure caused this behavior, yet I awoke without being crazy? Yet... my brothers decide not to listen or read anything I have written, but to go with the government's favorite way of dismissing someone like me -- saying I am nuts.

I know a lot of top secret shit that I refuse to be silent about. They came after me, and I will never shut up about what happened until I see them in court being prosecuted. I am not someone who lets himself be abused anymore. These rich, political fucks think they can do whatever they want to people... well, the buck stops here. I am going to hunt them down if I have to and put fucking bullets in their heads... but I will give trying to get the truth out a few years... if this does not work, I will use the last few years of my life sensationalizing myself enough that I end up in court, where I will make my story heard even if it comes after I have blown up some fucking neo-con family reunion. I am a soldier. A spy. A poet. A lover, and a hater. I am also someone who does not forgive people for their crimes unless they admit what they have done and take their medicene.

The funny thing is that sooner or later, I will be proven to be correct. History is not going to let the Bush and Cheney fucks from hiding all of their bodies. People simply will not go along forever. They may escape court in this life time, but their family names will be mud on the shoes of people like me. I am the future, not these lying, mental rapists. The FREEDOM OF INFORMATION ACT will prove me right, in the end. Unless they try to hide everything because of national security concerns -- and even then, in fifty years, that will be absurd and my story will come out. In the meantime, people are going to act like I am nuts. Like they did when I wrote a book about Iran Contra and CIA involvement in starting crack cocain in LA, which is based on historical facts by one of the most respected reporters in the world. I mean, people are idiots...

I love my brothers... but I am not going to spend a lot of time trying to convince them about what happened to me. Fuck that. Take it or leave it assholes, I give my writing away for free after spending a 100 grand and 20 years learning the craft (thank you pell grants and student loans and the disability commission and everyone who actually paid a lot of my tuition). I will do so as long as I have to. The scam of worth in this market is not something that I am about to buy into. I do not sell out, and if this makes me end up like Thomas Paine, broke and rejected in life, fine... I have faith that if literature survives the coming convultions in history as we deal with the weather turning against us, I will have my place.

Even if no one does ever think my writing is worth that much, they will at least confirm the historical truth of what I write about. Spending my life trying to convince people of this is like talking to people who ignore evolution -- I am not going to waste my breath. I wrote about what happened, and I was clear and did not add any fiction at all... take my word for it, if you know what is good for you, or go look it up if you can (though believe me, they are careful not to document what they do,because they are spies and undercover... which works for a few years, then becomes exposed when the actual power of living criminals in government fades away with their deaths. The CIA and Homeland Security, The FBI, and even the CPD, are all about covering their own asses first. This is how they operate. Law and Order is a very distant second. They say that is their priority, keeping the law and order, though in truth they rape law and order in their pursuit of law and order and... obviously, the law enforcement in the states has problems sometimes. The CIA was ordered to torture in the middle eastern conflicts. They wrote many a memo back and forth with the Bush Justice Dept. asking, " ARE YOU SURE THIS IS LEGAL NOW... I MEAN, WE WERE SUPPOSED TO QUIT TORTURING AFTER THAT THING REAGAN SIGNED AFTER BEING EXPOSED AS ONE OF THE MASS MURDERERS BEHIND THE CONTRA AND THE DEATH SQUADS IN EL SALVADOR. People in the states do not care about what this country did in south america, but I AM NOT ONE OF THEM. I will not be a part of the crowd that lynches the truth -- better to die trying to stop them, by any means necessary.

I am not some guy who has not been able to get his story out, by the way... Obama knows what happened to me, but he has chosen to LOOK FORWARD, NOT BACK.. or at least that is his public position, the Trojan Horse he has used to get into the walls of government.

HIS JUSTICE DEPARTMENT MESSIAH, HALL... is going after the Bush Criminals, thank God. I knew he was a good man when after the election, he came out and said that this hardly meant racism was gone in the states... people criticized him at the time, while the sane among us just went, well... of course he is right. Now Hall is showing he has Steel balls again, by going after the CIA for torture. Do not kid yourself -- this dude just made enemies that will haunt him the rest of his life, if they plain out do not kill him. Part of why Kennedy was shot has to do with how he wanted to absolve the CIA after the bay of pigs... those old warriors were like," Shit, we need the CIA or this world will become communist, or run by dictators"t -- and while they prefer the later, this is not the CIA's reason for existing... they really do want to protect the idea of democracy, even if the actual practice is hard for them to abide by in times of war -- and they have known nothing else since they began.

I walked like a naked babe into the woods... and while in hindsight I can see why they were afraid of me, I also see why they ultimatly did not do their worst to me -- certainly, they would have liked to have jailed me -- I was told they were looking for some smoking gun to tie me to the people who have been inspired by my writing to break the law during their protests. This has proved impossible, because I do not endorse that sort of behavior. PROFESSOR DANIAL STERN often talked about the agent Provacotuers that the government sent to their communist meetings, to try to get them to do violence with guns and bombs -- which the FBI would have supplied them with, to bust them, as they did with Dr. Stern's friends, the black panthers. I am not about to fall for that shit. I am an activist. I will be think what I think and publish it until the day they find me stiff and cold and staring blankly at the ceiling. I will never kill or bomb or etc... I am barely able to get myself to protest let alone endanger my personal freedom with some stupid, senseless act of violence.

I do not believe that I have the right to hurt others in my pursuit of poltical causes, except in the most extreme of situations (I make jokes about this, like the one above where I kid like I am going to go after a neo-con reunion... in most cases, I was appalled when certain people thought I advocate violence and used my work as inspiration, so now I have to break the little fictional dream of my new journalism to add footnotes like this to insure that the killers inside of us are not tempted to act on my words) . It does not work. Period. Terrorism is wrong. In the states, we still have voting booths, and this means there is hope for change -- Obama tapped into it when he was elected this time. THe Bush Regime may have felt like they had beaten the left down so bad that they were going to be the bitch of the republican party... guess they learned differently this time. Well, not learned... as we see in the doings in Washington on Health Care, the liberal's have had to quit waiting for the convservatives to come to the table and negoitiate and push through their health care agenda based on their majority in the house and senate, not by convincing sold out republicans to quit getting those BLOW JOBS FROM THE LOBBYIESTS. Those perverts want their dicks sucked, like anyone -- and they get paid for it. This is why politics attracts all the psycho paths and egotistical fuck heads who just love the idea of power and treating others like shit and all the crap we see every day with polticians like Daly who does what he wants and does not give a shit about other peoples opinions. FASCISTS. You can call them what you want, but they are fascists. That is what Reagan was when he defied the Congressional ruling to stop the Contra war, by ordering the CIA to use drug dealers to keep the guns flowing to the death squads, who had already been shown to be killing nuns and preists for God's sake, not to mention HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS MORE. This was not the CIA's decision. Like now, when they were ordered to torture. A law enforcement agency is only as good as the people who police it, and run it.

The CIA was told to just fucking kill, torutre and kidnap whoever the hell they wanted. They were told to throw out all the laws created over the years to stop just this kind of abuse. I do not blame them for following orders, which makes me a rarity among liberals and is one of the reasons a lot of intelligence people like me. And so do a lot of cops. As well they should, because I see the world as one where the working class takes the shaft for the abuses of the ruling class. The soldiers in the CIA should not be sacrificed to save the honor of their abusive leaders. Bush and Cheney should never have been put in charge of an organization like the CIA.

Obama is transfering more power to the FBI, taking away the CIA's right to interrogate terrorists, etc... Clinton did the same thing after the Contras and the Coke. Oer 325 CIA operatives resigned under Clinton, and their loss is why we had 9-11. I think they would have stopped it if they had not been disembowled over what Reagan ordered them to do.

Obama cannot afford to make the same mistake right now, and thank God he knows as much. We need the CIA. Especially right now, when half the world wants to send suicide bombers into the states. However, Bush and Cheney and the Justice Department that they created, have to be dealt with severly. Hiding their crimes will not work anymore. If we truly want PEACE, WE MUST CONFRONT and stop the behavior that has led to wars in the past. PRETENDING LIKE THERE IS NO BLOOD ON AMERICAN HANDS IS NAIVE AND DANGEROUS AND STUPID. We have sent killers and character assasins all over the world, and have sinned greatly against the sovernty in most countries... not a few -- MOST, IF NOT ALL.

Once one knows the history of intelligence in the states, there is little reason to think that they would not investigate me. Hell, if I was them, I would bug me. I understand that they watch activists. I understoon when I studied this shit in college that if my career went this way, and I was working on a book about the CIA, so it was happening... I was going to have deal with the government fucking with me. I was prepared by Dr. Stern, and my own ethics, to resist the temptations offered by criminals and plants. You will never read in my work anything about violent civil disobediance that says do it here in the states. I do believe that violence is useful in some conflicts -- how could I not, but I not believe that I have the right, as a private citizen, to decide when that is. Responsible, militarily trained and LAWFUL international police enforcement officers have to think about this shit for us, because most people, like myself, have no desire to pick up guns and go after an enemy that wants to bomb the shit out of us.

The CIA was misused. The army has been so too. This does not mean that one has to become such a peacenik that you think all war is about the military industrial complex -- i am not an expert on them, but I have read into their excesses, and it is sickening how they promote war, but I still think that some people are doing shit in this world that has to be confronted by the only thing the psychopaths understand -- greater might. As a cop if they think the world needs to be policed? And ask a rapist/murderer who is locked up in prison what they would be doing if they were free? In my opinion, The TALIBAN is a murderous, ignorant, evil organization of power mad men. The Feminist in me screams at the mention of this kind of patriarchial nonesense.

Anyways... this is just another in a series of big FUCK YOUS to people who think I am making up the story of my life. I am not. I write about my life quite honestly -- too honestly for the tastes of spies and my family. I HAVE BEEN TOLD TO WRITE CHILDRENS BOOKS,OR JUST WRITE BOOKS IN MY HEAD THAN NEVER JOT THEM DOWN. Like they can tell me what the fuck to write. I NEVER SIGNED a loyalty oath with these bastards. They never came to me and honestly asked for my help with a national security issue caused by my violent, revolutionary poetry and radio show was causing bursts of rebellion throughout the country. I did help them in the end, when they finally showed me some real intelligence on this shit.

THEY EVEN sent someone to ask me, "IF YOUR WORK WAS GETTING PEOPLE KILLED, would you want the CIA to take it down," I said of course, and my blogs disappeared from the west coast... my readers later asked why? Well, this is why... I never meant to achieve some of the milestones this blog has... believe me, I am pleased that I got people to understand there is Hope in the voting booths. One of the reasons that whole Hope and Obama thing came out is because of one of my poems. Obama's speach writer reads me. I heard one of my entries echoed in a morning News Conference this week -- I was writing about health care and said, It ain't over until it is over.' The next morning... the phrase and ideas were used in White House Press Conferance.

I told people they could steal from my blog. I set this up. I want this to happen. And I do not want to take credit for all of these words, because no one owns the thoughts in my head. If all I cared about was ownership, a half million people on my blog and millions of others during the radio show would never have been introduced to my work.

THe internet alows me to avoid the market, and offer my words up to the scrutiny not of what will make money, but what will pass the credentials of basic, common sense. I make sense in my work, and have a sophisticated world view. This is not a virtue that I worked to achieve because I wanted to sell it. Hell no. I want words that are useful, bullets, if you will, killing them fascists -- as we once read in awe was written on Woody Gutherie's guitar (God I love that man... he is one of the founders of the literary movement that birthed me, the Bob Dylans and the communistic movie makers and the unions during the depression when people found they had to band together to get their rights from the owners of businesses, and the sixties which erupted after the fifties tried to remake the world into a mad, McCarthian dream where only certain political views could be expressed by entertainers and writers).

No... I share my words because I got them from Martin Luther King, Nietsche and Christ and EO Wilson and The Bill Cosby Show and The Black Panthers and other places where ideas changed my life, and i know that they will have the same effect on my readers.... . If anything, I owe my thanks to the people who wrote these words, not some claim of ownership. This does not mean that I am against all private property. That is not feasible at this moment. Sure, in the right hands -- in some Godly time I can barely imagine, going totally communist about property makes sense. No one owns the national parks, and no one should own the electric companies, the armies, etc.. these are collectively ours, and the futures. I do not like the idea of a Doctor Zhivago scene in the states. Going after the rich has never been my intent. Any fool can get rich, it just depends what they do from there as to whether or not they are the rare camel that can fit through the eye of a needle? But... I think we definatly need checks and balances like taxation to extend the wealth of america to all citizens, not just a psycopathic, work-a-aholic few.

Since my story was kept secret, and they want me to follow their lead, the gov. is going to do what they can to keep this a secret. My personal battle is to make sure that the truth gets out. This was why I let them film me -- I figured that sooner or later it would help me document what was happening to me. I was pissed, and I was willing to set mental traps for them, pretend I like Charles Manson, whatever just to fuck with them. That was just punching back for them bugging me and fucking with me. If you were drugged right when you had been offered the ability to make short stories from fifty plus short stories, a radio show with a green screen, etc... and basically your career sabotaged, how would you respond? Me, I am going to fuck with them until I get the truth out, or they kill me. They have two options. Fuck them.

They can pretend like few know about what happened to me, but I know better. Believe me, hollywood and new york were more than aware that this writer in Chicago was leading a new movement that was going to change america by any means necessary.

and I still am... TOTAL WAR FOR TOTAL PEACE is going to be on my tombstone, fifty some years from now (I hope). I do not mind my critics. From my brothers to Tommy Smothers. I will take what they say into consideration, of course. I respect Tommy Smothers, and when he said that people who think we can war our way to peace are ignorant. Well, stated like that, I suppose they would be. But thinking that Justice is going to come easy in this world, is a fallacy as well. Total War is a concept that means using everything you have to win. I meant this in the sense of the environment and other areas where we had better stop appeasing the people who are waging war on nature. I also meant that we should go to war if the republicans tried to steal another election. Tbank God, most people know that my work has helped to inspire something more important than I am -- the election of Obama. Chicago has truly taken over the world. And my ideas, the infection there-of, has been in the heads of Clinton and Obama, and Pelosi and Reid and top generals and others for years, which means that truly, as a writer, I at least got my say in this world.

Pelosi and Reid especially worked very hard to stop the Iraq war. Like most, they were duped by Bush and lies he used the CIA and others to tell to pretend we were all in danger of being nuked by the terroristic Saddam Hussein... but they came around, and during my Campaign, Pelosi was one of the first to make clear she was trying to help the cause I was promoting. I was pissed at politicians at the time, for going into Iraq in the first place... I did not want to see the Taliban get the country, and if they had to fight now to avoid that, well.... okay. I hope this is true, for the sake of all the soldiers who are dying.

Pelosi and Reid wanted the war to end in Iraq in 2007. If they had achieved this, we at least would have the troops in Afganistan to fight the Taliban there. Instead, we have two war fronts. The surge... well, I laughed at that at the time, though I had to at the same time show my loyalty to my fans in the armed forces, by takinging into account their grave sacrifices for these ideas of ours about freedom. Saddam should have been shot down like a dog. Sure. But still... all of his people in his tribe should not have been punished by being kicked out of the army, etc... this is why they have this war mostly -- if they had changed the army around, yet left in the privates and others were basically apolitical and needed a job, these guys would be working with us, instead of against us.

We made a lot of tactical errors in Iraq. For about the last 80 years. This is nothing new. Iraq was created by the British after ww2, from various tribes and geographies that never considered themselves a country before, so instead of having thier own little fiefdoms, they were supposed to be governed by a centralized power structure. The tribes went to war to control the entire terroritory, instead of just the little state they started out with after ww2. Saddam, with our help, won a battle against the majority power, and put his regime in to keep the oil flowing at all costs. He is one of those dictators who used Oil to lubricate ass fucking us all. Like the Saudi Sheiks still do (why are they not called out all the time for their civil rights abuses, let alone their deplorable track record of feminist issues is... they supply us oil and pretend not to hate us, even though their schools often teach hatred of western culture, and they suppled 29 people to help bomb us on sept. 11.... they did go after this bunch at least, but still... ignoring feminist issues in a country is just as bad as ignoring slavery, or other human rights violations.

Well, there we go... tying the little events in my life to huge, historical facts has once more been achieved. I wish I was making up what I say about myself. I wished all this was not true so hard that it almost killed me. I am too sane to pretend things are not true. I do not live in a made up world.

That is the immense irony of living in america. We are told in so many ways to ignore the truth to keep the peace. To appease.. the brutality of certain cultures toward women, minorites, religions and, basically, anyone who is sexually active outside of marriage, including gays and just plain horny people, who get stoned and whipped and jailed, etc... I get called insane because I refuse to accept their insanity. Irony... when I wrote about God as Jesus, I found unending Irony in this universe and my cosmology in general. The irony or being an agnostic who wakes up Jesus was astounding to me. Let alone who I am, and how different I am from the traditional Jesus. This is part of why I also feel the need to write is the most loyal, unselfish thing that I do for humanity, even if Johnathon Jackson, who I respect immensly, thinks that my studying and writing is not enough and may be right.... still, I think that by opening mental doors into rooms that would not have existed in their cosmology e is a powerful avenue of change, because this is what writing did to me.

Thye End... The End... one night, at the radio show, I sang along with Morrison on this song... I had put the lyrics in my blog that day, and my co-host, Jimmy Peace, took the clue and played the song and encouraged I sing that night... This song has a lot of meaning for me. My Christ sees these words as part of the scenario he was ressurrected for -- the apocolypse. The Johnny Pain, liberal writer, thinks the Greenhouse has us by the throat, and is about to start choking off our oxygen itself.... The radio show... that was an amazing experience, but if I tried to desrcibe everything that happened, people would look at me all the more askew. . .. I have been surrounded by different agents with agendas so much that my life does sound like a conspiracy novel. I mean, if I was not sane now, and no longer seeing massive manifestations of this phenomena, I would hopefully be less sure about what I am writing. But no... In 2009, this shit has mostly stopped, so can I look back now and see my little revolutionary action, which set off various bursts of rebellious activity, as a phenomena. I am not paranoid now. Do not think about who is bugging me much, even though I am sure it is happening. I do not care, really. I have nothing to hide anymore. When I started this campaign, I went ahead and made sure that I used a character, Moon Bong Haze, who was try-sexual, so that sort of character would eventually be accepted by the majority. This was a political action that led people to think I am gay. I am not one to usually say anything about my sexuality, and I find it offensive when people ask about my bedroom activities, as anyone with modesty would. And I hate that Gay is used as a stereotype that is desposed, so I usually get pissed at this and ask the people, Hey, What Are You, Heterosexual? Trying to show them the question is inappropriate to ask. One chick did not get it at all when I said this. She asked me, after a gay buddy called me at work, if I was gay with this smirk and a slightly mean tone. Funny, she looked very much like a dyke, so of course the closet case was the one who made a big deal about this. I was going through a divorce, and living with a gorgrous woman with a wild sex life... but I refused to answer her question, because I stick up for my gay friends, and I did so on the radio show as a point of honor.

My sexuality... the only reason I have ever commented on this is because I would never want women to think I am not immensly attracted to them and sexually want them. I desire sex with women, not men, and to keep that flow of wondrous sex I have had to clear up misconceptions on this issue... I was also accused of hating gays, for this one short story I wrote, with a very gay protoganist who did some disgusting things. Ugh... there is no winning on some issues. The truth is that I do not care what people do in the bedroom, and I do not think God does either.

But... again, so much has happened to me that it sounds like I am paranoid, delusional, or making this up. Which, again, is ironic, because telling the truth gets me looked at as lying... where as if I lied, which i would be doing with my silence, I would get looked at as truthful. Like I wrote long ago, as Jesus was just waking up, EVERYTHING IN THIS WORLD IS ASS BACWARDS. If I am sane and truthful, I will get looked at as crazy and lying... and there is much, much more to this than I write... this does not bode well for the Waing Up Jeus books that are coming.....

This is part of why I put most of this stuff in waking up Jesus, a novel if you will, about being Jesus... as well as the true story of what happened to me, after the gov . decided to attack me at the same time the left was trying to use my image as a rallying cry...

Check out all of my blogs by googling my name, John Scott Ridgway

getting on with it

I felt my age last night, gasping at the thought of being almost 50 and still waiting for my writing career to suddenly take off and lift me out of poverty. That is the way the story was written in class after class, in the lives of writers I read about all over the place. Told I could write from day one, well schooled, there was no reason for me to think I was going to fail at this endeavor.

I have not failed, by anyone's imagination except my own in a way. What did I want to write for? To be read, to insert a certain voice into the heads of others, to return the favor of the gifts that literature had given me, and to have shaped the minds that would take over this world one day. I could have just have soon joined an underground army for the purposes that I wrote for.

I hear so much about the comedians who keep their politics out of their careers. Or so they pretend. Leaving politics out of your art in a time of serious crises, like this world is in, is fine if that is your inspiration. Love is a wildly powerful force in society, the original muse for poets.

This poet finds his muse is a lass of flames, who stands in a ring of fire, beconning me to join her on her rampage... asking me to destroy everything around me if that is what it takes to win my quest, answer the call of my mission. I find myself seeing the reality of overpopulation, the green house effect, scarcity of resources, etc... I am not one of these people who can wake up every morning thinking the world is ending. We are not playing that old religious game, which has infected generation after generation. LOOK AT THE SCIENCE. THE PROJECTIONS ARE HORRIFIC, AND NOT ENOUGH WILL BE DONE... WE ALL KNOW THAT THIS IS TRUE. OUR EFFORTS SO FAR HAVE BEEN POLITICAL WINDOW DRESSING.

If another country offered us the kind of threat the greenhouse holds for the states, the most liberal peacenik in the world would be calling for nuclear annhilation. This is part of why I believe in TOTAL WAR FOR TOTAL PEACE. And I do not mean pussy, appeasing peace.

Being sickened personally by violence has little to do with geo-political realities. Blood is being spilled already, though... in the form of lung cancer, allergies, etc... we now have tens of thousands of people dying from the effects of this weather change, and we are just at the bare beginning of the cycle. Wait until the refugees from the west coast start flooding into middle america as tidal waves and storms and rising ocean levels changes floods millions... Wait until the starving and desperate grow in such numbers that all we can do is watch them die on the evening news.

Desperate food shortages are already breaking out. They will get worse as water that once flowed from snow capped mountains or glaciers no longer comes... Iraq lost millions of acres of farm land when upriver countries started hoarding water. And we are not even close to the desperate levels that will come in 50 years.

The future looks bleak, folks. The solutions to our worlds problems are not within our reach at all.

Maybe this is why, when I was dreaming of being Christ, I ended up thinking that my presence was not going to be the hopeful, wonderous time that it seemed like it would be. When I dreamt of being in Chicago and announcing the return of Christ, some twenty years before this Deity rose up in my conscious, I was exstatic in the dream. In fact, later in 2007, as Christ began to take over my personality, I thought a lot about this dream, wondering if this was when the brainwashing began, if that is what happened to me.... I mean, among the wilder explanations for what happened to me is the manchurian candidate. I ended up leading a lot of communists, and that was a surprise to me. And someone was ready for me to act. Whoever they were, they chose the time to put me on the radio, to drug me, to hold up my poetry and say listen to this writer, he is leading a revoltuion.

Once when they were showing me a lot of shit on tv about what was going on, how I had set off all these little revolts, I made clear how I really felt about what I was seeing. They did this only after I started trying to convince the government that despite what they thought, I am lawabiding and believe in peaceful protests. I told them if they wanted me to help them contain the situation, they should give me good intelligence. So, they showed me kids in an rv, tearing out their teeth. Evidently inspired by how i was using my own pain to drive me to write revolutionary poetry. I wrote about the pain driving me to the undreamt mission. They thought I wanted to get them ready to fight.

During this time, I also started getting a lot of odd email, and other messages on the tube. They showed me huge tubs of mail that had supposedly been sent to me, protests in New York and news of protestors in other places... 2007 and all these flights were being canceled without explanation. I would see these things happening on my tv and know, there was a force out there using my words to revolt.

I figured if they wanted me to lead, that I would do my best, in a way. The problem was that I had no intention of ending up under house arrest, with no counsel at all, except that which actors and writers and others on tv and the radio could get to me. A lot of people knew that Bush had me surrounded, so that I could not get in touch with the protestors.

I could sense how huge this thing was, and I also felt that I had one shot to say my peace. I was Jesus, and I was going to do what I knew was morally right, not what had been preached to me. As Jesus, I am the ultimate preacher. Not the listener. The world needs independent voices. This Jesus has a lot of things he wants to do, but mostly he wants people to accept one another, think for themselves, forgive each other, fight for justice, and stand up for their fellow man, as well as their entire damn echosphere.

At this point, with enough people convinced that I was Jesus, and others that I was playing a character, and still others of wild schemes I barely understand, including masonics and the catholoic church, I was very wary of allowing a religion to take over america. There was a moment or two there when it was thought I was setting myself up to run for president, which I shot down pretty quick. And as far as my being christ and wanting to be the king of kings like it says in the bible...

I have to admit that my Jesus thought he would be treated like that at first. I figured, wow... all these people are listening to me like I am Jesus, and Jesus seems to be the voice speaking trhough me... so if this is true, they will probably treat me like that. Instead, another image they showed me on the tv was a Christ figure in a metal cage, in a castle, screaming out that he had a son.....

Going to get mystical here now... You do not have to believe me, just believe the mentality was alive and aware in my mind, a personality all its own in a way. This Christ did not want anything to do with being a sell out.

The reason he kept allowing himself to be filmed (and there was one point where a stranger approached me at my bus stop and asked if I needed them to turn the film off and give me some privacy... but I figured that I should keep getting a record of what was happening to me, and also that if I was the Christ, I wanted people to see that I am not the person described by most of their ministers.

I was very angry when this Christ started to rise in my mind. I was convinced others knew all about my divinity for a long time. One guy told me he had been to a ceremony in New Orleans with my mother, before I was born. That it was known to many I was in america. The masons sent someone to get my blessings, which surprised me, and though I know nothing about them, it helped to push into my mind that I could be this mystical creature,

So angry.... I hated everyone for keeping this a secret from me. In fact, I had a vision like thought of my wings growing and divinity coming to me when I was a chil, and how in my purity I could have saved the world, but humans had cut them off.

The wing thing was the least of the Jesus manifestation. I also figured this is why people were so interested in me, as well as why they called in the second largest private army in the world to surround me. They may well have been protecting me, but once I wrote, in 2007, come to me, and the news showed every artery into Chicago was jammed. So I backed off and told people to go home to their computers, take care of their famalies, and revolt from there.

Obama was a huge part of the revoltion I envisioned. The NYT, as I have wrote, used poetry in their editorial pages after Obama's victory, in a silent nod to the work that I did to start up the youth movement in the states.

One of the trickiest parts about writing this is my belief that a secret deal was cut, letting off the people who fought under my flag, and our adversaries. If a deal like this has been struck, my writing about the events could get legitimate revolutionaries in trouble with the courts.

When I was basically sparring with Bush, I wrote at one point that amnesty all around sounded fine to me. I did not want a bunch of protestors to go jail. I did not approve of what they did, but I did approve of their intentions, and we did successfully swing the country back to the left.

Now, I would have done a lot of this differently... and while I cannot change a word I said, there is no doubt in my mind that without the assault on me by the government, I would not have fanned the flames of violence when I saw them. They egged me on, provoked me into feeling so trapped... I could see this revolution taking place on tv, yet I was trapped on the outside of the event. The only place regular people got to me, was psychiatric hospitals. They circumvented the process of whoever it was who was trying to keep me from connecting with my fans and others in the movement I started. I learned a lot about what they thought of me. My powers were almost acknowledged at this place. I met the Mason rep. there, a guy from the Unions who they sent in... these people would be on the ward for a day, have a talk with me, kind of give me their nod of approval, then leave. When i walked out of this hospital, a guy sitting outside asked me, "Are you still religious?"

This is not the kind of thing a stranger asks another. This kind of thing of course happened all the time. The woman who came up to me in front of my house, looking half-crazy, and asking what it meant if I wore green pants, and if Israel was a good place to go. This kind of thing, complete strangers knowing all about me, was common in 2007,2008. I was being broadcaste somewhere, probably on the net and tv. Who knows? I do not know where they allowed this stuff to be shown.

We are talking a huge domestic program to stop the movement i started, which was more successful than I ever could have imagined, and some of that was because of my writing about being spiritually called.

One night I told the bugs, "If we have to, we will do anything to save this planet. We will kill everyone over 45 if we have to. Not our soldiers, but the enemeies..." This was me basically trying to think of how you really could change the world, and coming up with a grotesque solution that I would never want. I said this as a statement of how serious this was, not as something that I would ask people to do.

The next day, they showed me Bruce Willis, with a young boy holding a gun to his head as he said, "Joseph, you almost got me killed." He is a republican. And I guess he would know from my work that I like Bruse Willis, and would never want to see someone kill him over which political party he is a part of. Politics is not everything. Another time I told the bugs that we would kill every catholic in Chicago if that was what it would take to get me out of this town, and into the arms of people who would be honest with me about what happened. And they exist, people who were with me from the beginning, in ny and la..... the ones in chicago were mostly trying to use me, or get me arrested, or whatever... So i have cut my connections with anyone who had anything to do with the mobbed up little Spineless radio station, mostly. I do love the two people I did the show with in some ways, and regret that our relationships got all tangled up in work. Susan especially is a great person, a real class act, who I should have treated better. Damned her by association because she could not get us the recording of the early shows, before she came on, when we were really radical, and the revolution was at its height....

In the midst of my writing during this period, I began to get followers from both political parties. There is no reason for a republican to hate me if they are of that sort who loves personal freedoms, etc.. And on the military issues I have more in common sometimes with Hawks than doves. In fact, if you remember, obama and mccain were neck and neck two weeks before the election..... I started wearing an Obama hat as I walked on the beach, after hearing from David Spade about how he saw me on Google walking at the beach and picking up someone's garbage... making fun, I guess, because my apartment was a mess at this point. Lo and behold, Obama shot up in the polls.

They wanted my backing. I was so aghast at all politicians at that point, that I had little belief they would ever get off their asses and deal with the real issues in this country, considered them either sold out of minimalized. I said, I DON'T BACK POLITICIANS, I BACK ISSUES. I of course secretly always wanted Obama, which is why when I started my campaign, I wrote Obama forgive Osama --send all the warriors home on a poster board and stuck it in myh window facing lake shore drive.

I was in too much mental and physical diress to concentrate on taking care of myself. at the time I was not actively writing about backing anyone, though I watched all those great debates with interest, because they too were a response to my writing. The scope of the people who worked together to change the States still amazes me and fills me with pride in this country. We are patriots. Republicans, Liberitarians, Democrats.... when we band together and demand fair,open government, we win some.... Unfortunatly, politics is such a sham right now in the states, and everyone knows as much.

We are so behind on spending money to live up to our own science. We keep our taxes too low, everyone knows this. It benefits very, very few and hurts the many. Low taxes keeps Chicago Public Schools from being the renaissance fucking havens they should be in a city of our caliber.

They simply are not a priority with enough political capital to get their way. The children get screwed in this country. We are 30th on infant moratlity. Everyone has better care for their new borns than us... amazing how behind this rich old nation is because of our unfair taxing system.

The problem here is that there is not enough money to go around. So we eigther decide to live in a winner take all world, where the wealth of the few is allowed to oppress the many. The king and queen live in luxury while the peasents live in their cars, uninsured and recently too late on the mortgage to save their house from the clutches of the predatory bank that sold them their loaded loan. What a scam. We are headed toward scientifically documented paths to disaster.

Makes me wonder again about the new novel movement

Check out all of my blogs by googling my name, John Scott Ridgway

The Greenhouse has won... why not go with the winner?

Scientists are telling us that our worst fears are about to be realized with people starving everywhere, losing their lush lands to desert, suffering super storms, etc... I think we can safely say hat the Greenhouse is kicking our ass. So, I am from this day forward I am never again going to recycle, worry about the polar bears, or give a shit about Tsunami's, etc... I am going over, conceeding defeat, and joining the Greenhouse side.

Traditionally, my position has been that repulicanish religious types, who welcome the destruction of the earth because that is they way their book of pain ends in estacy, are nuts. Well, they still are.

Trying to insert humor into a topic like this is hard. I got this moment of inspiration to do a Johnny Pain thing where he decides to switch sides, from humanity to the greenhouse effect.

Why not? Isn't that what people do? Our war against nature, that old literary standard in the list of basic plots writers are all supposed to be using to tell stories, is about to end with us losing.

Arrogant men thought they could win by tearinng down the trees and farming and driving the wildlife away, so as to better protect their property from beasts that do not see the world as divided by artificial lines dreamed up by our laws. We dug our own grave and built 300 story tombstones throughout our cities. We live and work inside pyramids that will one day be explored, in the future, more than likely by aliens, as our humankind will more than likely go extinct in the next few hundred years.

A poet likes to rage against issues like this. They are magnets for our emotions, make something real seem to be flowing through our fingers, words about issues that seem selfless.

I am not sure such words always do a lot of good. Underneath them, is there a finger pointing out some thought that I can take with me from the poem, besides -- yea, that does suck....

I am at a loss in this entry. Trying to figure out what direction to take with my work in here. I have pretty much decided to go back to some straight comedy on the radio show. I don't want to appear too conspiracy theory oriented on the show, just funny and literary. The ideas will be there, the secrets, too... that I share with the goons and the spooks. They should never have tried to use me. I am going to be a thorn in their side for the rest of my life, or until I am offered Justice. They want to play out their criminal games against activists here in the home of the free -- I wanted to show the world what was happening.

I had no ill intentions against the government when i started Peace and Pipedreams. I had some dealings with authority before this, but they were mostly pleasent, or just getting tickets, etc. Never any trouble with the law, because that is not how I live. I don't steal, get violent, use hard drugs, etc.... nothing to make me a target for their ire. In fact, and most of them sense this enough that they treat me like I know what I am talking about. The only problems I ever had were so much my own fault that I was ashamed of myself for being a drunken ass around the cops, and didn't sue them even though I could easily have done so -- after forcing them to take me a hospital to get my medication, after they arrested me for trespassing, because I did not know that one cannot walk through Cabrini Green. I understand why -- people go there to get drugs. Well, I also had them test me for drugs at the hospital, to prove there was no herion in my system, etc... Then when I got back to jail, one of them dragged me down some steps on my back, which they had just taken me to the hospital for... and when I started yelling to see the captain about it, they let me go. All charges were dropped, etc... My point is, I never blamed them for doing their job, or feared them. I am very catious about pot, my only illegal vice, and Chicago police have more to do than try to find out who smokes weed. They basically do not care, which I guess is to the credit of Mayor Daly, who I thank again for taking a sane view on this issue sometimes.

Shit... this is becoming a journal entry. This is one thing I like about blogging. I really can just write whatever the fuck I want. Now that I have become the least reader freindly blog on the net.... a dense tomb filled with all kinds of shit, instead of a comedic take on the news, or stories, or poetry... you come into this guys writing, you never know what the hell you are going to get, that is for sure.

I take a certain punk pride in saying HEY, THIS IS THE BARE FACED WORK OF A WRITER... putting his head on display between bouts of fiction. I also like the idea of the eventual book, which will come when I edit all of this down into more digestible form. Like being torn between wanting an authentic document to flow from my fingers in this new medium, the blog, and wanting to take all the skills I have developed with all this writing and make a much more professional effort at selling books that people will like to read.

Blogging has certainly taught me a lot about the world, and writing. The responses I have gotten from people was almost always positive, unless I responded to people who made snide comments. You write, you are going to get them. I am certainly not perfect, and my spelling will always more than show it... but I also do have something in my words that attracts people.

This has been the case with publishers, etc... though mostly just readers who told me my story was the funniest they had ever read, etc... that they were always showing my stuff to freinds.

Laughter is a very universal language. Unfortunatly, poets often speak a very eclectic language that is not easily understood. I believed my poetry was my worst writing for a long time. In college I loved it, but on the blog I wrote them between the essay's and rants by Johnny Pain as kind of an aside. I feel like more and more lately I am moving away from caring what readers think... but still, my heart likes to be loved.

It is easy to love a comic. Laughter is a gift. It is an entirely other matter to love a prophetic sounding poet.

During my campaign, the strangest phenomena centered on people thinking I had wings cut off when I was five. People were spreading all kinds of rumours, or the intelligence agencies were just trying to make me crazier than the druggings already had, as well as the quasars they used to induce vomiting, sleeplessness, and back pain. During this period, the idea that I was Jesus was shared by a lot of people. No one had seen anyone do what I had just done before, had this religious experience of great intensity and shared it with people -- and believe me, at least two groups I know of where filming me in my apartment.

Convincing people I am a deity, and then saying in the end, "OH, that was just a game I played with your head." This was not my intention. I was convinced of something, and I carried the thought out to its logical conclusion. If there was a Jesus, and I was an incarnate of this creature, then this and this must be true. At the sametime, I figured that if God would make someone like me Jesus, it was to push massive changes on the world, because why else would he give me the mentality that I have?

There was no telling what I would do on those drugs, and under the influence of just feeling hateful that all this shit was going on around me that was being denied by everyone except the people on different tv shows, and occasional folk who came up to me on the street and made comments.

Very strange. And if this was a tactic of the intelligence agencies to stop me from being an effective critic of their war and neo-con philosophies, it was not very effective against me. I was not about to start writing that I was Christ and people should follow me. I did write about joining a movement, but that was to organize a leftest populace to stop another election from being stolen. Bush stole two, more than likely, and look what happened... the choice of the people, Gore, would have obviously kept us out of Iraq, and attacked the greenhouse years before Bush. We chose the right guy, and they forced the wrong one on us.

Score one for the american public. Now going on three years into this, as I sit here going over these events in my mind after trying to just forget them for a few months, I am right back stuck thinking that I should write more of this down. Sooner or later, people will read the files on my situation, and I will be vindicated. This does not do much for me now.

I am always going to write about politics, but my days of going around using the symbol of being Jesus as part of my work, and using this image to bring people into the fold of my ideas who would have dismissed me withought this Godly stamp, are past. Whatever happened in those years, whether the medication made the persona arise, or I was brainwashed, or I am Christ... is not anything that I can definitively answer. Anyone could be Christ for all I know about the mystical world. I do believe in Christ now, though... the person who came up out of my unconscious was as real as anyone I have ever met in my life. His concerns were more in line with what a gentle god would do when confronted with the savagery described in the bible, and 20th century thinking. The way Jesus would be if he did decide to come out of this writer.

Without the Seroquel, the drug that made most of my mania possible, I feel like I have always felt. I believe now in great possibilities in the after-life. I believe in a couple dreams I had, one showing me the face of God. The voice that wrote the book and the blog waking up jesus did not go away the second I was off the drugs. It came and went, and occasionally still comes to me.

Just like any character that I have written a lot about.

The authenticity of the oddest experience of my life is important to me to get across. Other people have to be suffering from this same group of people. I am not going to lay down and die at their behest, and abondon my country to wolves like this. The lawlessness I witnessed was astounding. Enough to make me think, yes... they do think I am Jesus. They shut down my neighborhood as protests across the country seemed to be getting generated by my blog.

I noticed right away that other people were trying to use me for their own purposes. The biggest what the hell in my mind is what to do now? I know what my enemy is capable... if they are indeed my enemy, and not just more mistaken law enforcement officers over -reacting, etc..

They came after me because my work became a drawing card for a bunch of radical groups who wanted someone to lead a revolt in america. I was more than willing to add my voice to that cry, unless it required bullets and bombs... well, let me qualify that. I think bullets and bombs are largely ineffective at social change, and in the states a stupid way to get changes, but I don't fucking know everything. There may be people in the states who think this is the only way to create a fair society. They may know more than I do about our foes, and do what they think is right and who knows... maybe they are? I allow for my ignorance in things like this.

In 2007 a phenomena I read about in Irregular Modern Warfare took off in the states, and in some respects around the world. Spontaneous outbreaks of civil disobedience, with no clear leadership, is the text book way to fight a guerrilla war. This means you truly have the people on your side. In the states, with two wars taking even the national guard off our soil, it really was the perfect time for such an eruption.

How and why I became so involved, and why everyone considered me central to this revolution, puzzled me from the beginning. I did not see myself writing anything that others had not said as well. I did not realize that my readership was much larger than I was being led to believe. Just like at the radio station, where we became hugely popular... then would no longer give us that information. One of the tactics they used, most effectively, was to force me to question myself.

When I was writing, I was the revolutionary. When I was just babbling to the cameras in my apartment, I was acting half of the time, just saying whatever the hell to make myself look HUGE so I might possibly get my way. I played the propoganda game that my enemies used so well, taking the media and using them to fight back against the cruel, treacherous, republican use of religion to cynically get elected so they can continue the status quo of the power elite, which is killing us, baby... and the planet.

I read over the blogs during this period and see why people would be afraid of me. Taken in a certain light, writing serial killer prose could be taken as juicing up the troops to go after enemy, same as they did in ww 2 with the japanese. Raising a hamster army could be code for raising an army. When the campaign actually started to get a lot of adherents, I wrote a thing even calling for the troops to come to our side... cops, etc. When I realized what my words had conjoured, I was horrified, but I was not about to miss the chance to be an agent for change, to use my artistic skills to the hilt... I did not ask to be filmed, but what could I do once it happened, except go along?

There are so many levels of this, ways I saw the events. I guess I am going to have to go write one of those blow to blow books about this. Chapter outlines, etc... get hardcore about documenting everything in an easy to follow narrative. The very reason I don't do this is... I do not want to appear nuts.

Weird. You would think if I knew this thing that were true, I would be able to write about it and expect people would believe me. And go... hmmm.... well, that is not right? What did happen there? Instead, no... the war of words is fought by piling so many lies around the truth that no one can find it.

Well, I assure you, dear readers, this time they are going to get the shit kicked out of them for coming after me. They made an enemy they regret all to hell already, and I am just getting started.

I am just trying to insert stupid humor into a topic that makes my best jokes of being a psychopathic johnny pain who cannot emphathize with every dam puppy on tv

Check out all of my blogs by googling my name, John Scott Ridgway

cia getting blamed for the sins of Bush and Cheney

Obama's Justice Department is now looking into the torture and murder and kidnapping that was nothing to the Bush Regime.

I have made clear how I feel all about this shit over and over. If our country ordered these people to torture, etc... then whoever was behind that policy needs to BE INVESTIGATED FIRST.

My other hope would be that by bringing in CIA agents who participated in this and other tragedies, we can get them to talk on record, for immunity, about how a fascist president tried to steal our country. He also tried to open up not two war fronts, but three.

I jumped into politics after ignoring it for years when I realized that Bush was gearing up to invade Iran. That would have basically meant three wars going on in the middle east, and god only knows how many more moderate countries would have just decided, "Wow, Bush is attacking Islam... let's gang up on them."

Looking forward, without learning the mistakes of our past, is not going to win Obama any Nobel Peace Prizes, let alone the kind of world wide respect the leading democracy on the planet could have, if we actually decided to pursue a course of liberty and freedom for all.

IT is with a great deal of irony that I defend anyone in the intelligence community at this point. While I have nothing against spies in general, and understand their worth, I have something against a country that would throw them to the wolves, just to protect Bush and Cheney.

Obama may actually be putting himself in danger by going ahead with an investigation of the CIA. They sure as hell had something to do with Kennedy, who was going to disband them... had the paperwork drawn up, when that magic bullet assured their continued efforts in history. Kennedy also pissed off the Mob, who have worked with the CIA all over the globe, so... who knows?

My point is that we need to instigate LAWS that stop this from happening again. That will only happen when we pull out the big guns. Let's face it, if Bush and Cheney were from certain countries, they would be in front of the WORLD COURT answering for their sins.

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Scientologists New Uniform? Capes.... yes, red and black capes.

In st. petersburg florida normal folk are already creeped out by all the Seo-Org Scamtomoligists walking around in blue uniforms. Now, they are going to fucking black capes with crimson lining. I guess this is because Tom Smooze once played a vampire, or perhaps Misgivings, the new head of scientology (one of those high school drop outs who stopped reading so he doesn't have to worry about all those ideas getting in the way of believing anything he -- or l ron hubbard, wants to) , just decided they look bad-ass? Who knows? If I was able to think like these people, I would put a shotgun upside of my head and blow those thoughts into the nearest wall.

The capes probably also have something to do with their lying belief that they can... FLY. Yes, fly. St. Petersburg is going to look like a vampire coven. In a hundred degree day, this is going to cause them to sweat themselves soaked walking a couple blocks.

My, what magical things they must think these capes are. A cynical ploy to get the comic book guys inolved, perhaps? Or are they actually thinking about recruiting among pre-schoolers, who I could definantly see jumping on the cape bandwagon.

Anonymous will have to make up their own capes. They should have a scarlet red A with white angel wings on the side. A flag they can wear on their backs as they march (stumble?) off to war. They are abolitionists. Mental ones. Saving people from an insidious form of slavery that our laws have not yet caught up with. L RON RON declared his cult a church and had the money to buy tax free status. Christians swindle their ilk, too... but at least that is not their primary mission.

Yes... those capes must have something to do with that promise that they can fly...

These are the kind of promises you can make, when you will make up anything that you think people will want to buy. If Scamtomologists got what L Ron promised, they would have long ago killed the rest of us off. That is within the scope of this church. Fair Game is how the rationalize destroying anyone who crticizes them. This is impossible now that the artistic community, and the activist community, has finally gotten off their asses and started confronting this con game.

The Internet showed that Tom Cruise has no clothes. Hollywood was afraid to do it, because they did not want to offend anyone who could hurt their career, I suppose. They are all afraid of getting black balled for this or that -- drugs, being assholes, anti-semetic, racist, etc... Reputations are important when a producer is wondering if people will pay to see you in their story.

People outside of hollywood, like me, on the other hand -- I have been all over cults since I started blogging, having studied them in school, and done some research for an anthro article, my books... etc... Scientology is the worst in my opinion, because they operate like a rogue government all to themselves, all in the name of being a church. They make a mockery of the laws meant to protect churches from taxes, etc... by pulling elaborate scams. They used to buy as many politicians as they could, hold elaborate fund raisers for them. Add that with attacking all of their critics, and silencing most of them, and you have a very deadly precedent.

The fact that they are against psychiatry shows a wariness of psychotropic drugs that admittedly more people should share. One of the points that L Ron made was that drugs were being pushed on people who did not need them. There is a lot of truth to that, but not for the reasons Hubbard laid out. Some doctors are irresponsible, lazy, and just out to make a few bucks. Some do all the can. Some are overwhelmed and try whatever drug might help people who they have not found a way to help. A lot of chaos involved. 95 million dollar ad campaigns foist seroqul and other drugs on everyone they can, including 13 percent of pregnant women, even though it has been shown to have caused infant deaths, and all sorts of diseases.

Just today, the government started stepping in to stop the flow of these drugs to pregnant women. I have been reading about SSRI drugs for awhile, on a site that exposes them, and after having my own mind twisted by being put on one, and it is enough to make any fanatic think there is a huge conspiracy going on. I think it is the evil of capatalism at it's most 'Snake Oil Being Sold out of a Wagon Worst.'

To throw out all research by psychiatrists is crazy, though. Pure bunk. Like saying there is no evolution. I have been helped a lot by talking to psychiatrists. The drugs never helped me, but I learned a lot about myself, and how to live better, in therapy. Money and time well spent, and I would recommend it to more people, but the drugs... that is where the patient has to draw the line. Only a few people really need anti-depressents. Changes in lifestyle are usually enough. And these drugs are known to cause a lot of suicidal feelings, so tell me the logic in taking that if you are depressed?

That is not the only place I agree with Scientology. People thought I was one, for awhile, I think... because we believe some of the same things. They are very few, however, and insignificant.

The mystical things I have seen, and experienced, are few, but telling, to me. Astral projection, and reincarnation therapy effected me. Together, they convinced me I am a soul that is living over and over. I did not read this in a book and just believe it, I did a lot of meditation to astral project, and went through a formal process for reincarnation therapy. I expected nothing from either of them, since I was at an age when i was trying all sorts of different belief systems. Christianity seemed foolish to me, especially the way it was practiced in the conservative churches I was exposed to, so I read the Hindu's, the Marx, the Greek's, Islam... I found most of them to be more poetry without substance.

Now... I have had a lot of other experiences that are mystical as well. They are very infrequent, but startling enough that they are seered into my mind like a list of things that prove to me there is more going on here than meets the eye.

I basically keep it very simple. This happened, and I do not know exactly what it means...

L Ron had to write an elaborate book that merely used a few things I think, too. His Jesus being an implant into people's minds is kind of amusing to me. A nice metaphor in a way for how Christianity is full of a lot of illusions.

Those new uniforms... wow. Maybe that is what I need... a super hero costume. They promise their recruits they can become Supermen... the cape is about all the can deliver -- of course, it will come at a price, which all their poor slaves will have to shell out of the stipend they get for their 80 hour work weeks.

Now that new recruits are not coming into this particular spider web, their fearful leader, Misgivinngs, is repackaging old scam-books with new covers, and forcing them to buy them up...

Ho.... ho.... ho.... capes. This could be the nail in thier coffin. The funniest part is that they do not see how laughable this is. I am sure that in the language they speak the capes have all kinds of mystical meanings, because they use language in a classic brain washing way--- language is a game unto itself that requires you believe a whole lot of bunk to communicate (wittgensteinn talked about how language is a game, and you agree to certain rules to talk to others --- cults use this to control the language, and thus the thought, of their members; like the sci's saying referring to people as SP's (something like suspicious person, but worse). They dismiss them with a word of their own making, for reasons of their own making, that would not hold up in the larger language game that most in society share.

when the fantastical happens

Of late I have picked up a few new readers, who are totally thrown when I write about certain topics. Especially, my dealings with the government. Just coming up on some rant of mine about this or that makes me look like I am off my rocker. So, to give context to what has happened to me, I am going to write a summary of the events. This is not easy for me, because this was an emotional hell for me, still hurtful enough that I am better off not dwelling too long on the topic, or I become morbid, as if contemplating the awful death of a dear friend.

In 2007, out of the blue, I was offered to a radio show to be called, Peace, Pipedreams, and Pain. My stage name is Johnny Pain. Another guy was jimmy peace, and another named Johnny Pipedreams.

Just after this offer, I suddenly, for the first time in my life, became manic. My girlfriend did not know what to think, and neighter did I. My back pain also became worse than ever, requiring me to go from my usual tramadol to dangerous narcotics, like fentynal patches. Nothing worked.

During this week before the show, I also suddenly started vomiting, for almost a week. At the same time, poetry began to flow from me about using the radio show to start a new movement, total war for total peace, to fight the environmental destruction, the invading Bushes, etc...

Odd co-incidences, eh? This lead up to my having a seizure of some sort. It started when i was walking my dog, and was out on a pier. Suddenely, I became aware that I was being watched. I told them that I was an alein, who came here on light, and that I was here to save humanity. A very odd thing for me. I was almost an athiest, and basically thought the planet was on a quick path to environmental destruction. God or aliens was the last thing on my mind.

That night my seizure or whatever it was continued, to the point that I told M. to call an ambulance. The racing thoughts and pacing about feeling like my old world view was gone, and I had discovered some secret would not leave me. That night, in a black out, I began to think the cops who came were going to kill me. Once in the hospital they strapped me down and filled me with drugs. For the next 30 hours they told my girlfriend that I was sleeping, and she should not come visit me. When I woke up, I had amnesia. I barely recognized anyone. I was sure that the tv was talking to me. Basically, they brain washed me. This was a catholic hospital. I asked them for a bible, and they brought me a catholic one, for some reason I recoiled at this, and asked for a Mormon bible. I do not know why...

In the subsequent days, they put me in a psychiatric hospital, where I was wondering who I really was. The people who treated me were very odd. I had been hospitalized for a bout of suicidalness when i was young, a few times, and I know the routines of these places. I did not think a lot of it at the time. In the hospital, I felt like I was the earth to bring peace, that I was an ascendent being of some sort. I began to dream there of how to write a new bible, graphs and such appeared in the dreams. Everything seemed magical. I was waking up to being a soul, not just a pod of finite flesh.

Just prior to going in the hospital, as the mania struck me, I wrote a lot of small bits of prose in my blog, which made my normal readers think I had lost my mind. They looked nothing like poetry etc.... Yet, when i came home from the hospital, I sat down and smoked weed and worked on that poetry until it became the greatest work of my life. something had indeed awakened in me, a new voice.

The voice that rose up in me was none other than Jesus Christ. I could not believe it at first.... the voice started in the poetry, but soon I was seeing that I was this thing all of the time, and that people believed in me. I had a lot of readers during this time, and they reported to me that a couple cults believed that I am Christ. I was not out to convince people I was Christ. I was out to get certain poetry and thoughts across, not make some claim about myself.

There is so much more to all of this. During this period, it was announced on the news that the second largest army in the world was being brought into Illinois. My call for this revolution had taken a few people by storm, and as successful revolutions do, little pockets of resistance sprung up organically, all over the place, and without real leadership, they were hard to stop.

I was later told by a communist from LA that they tore his hair out by hand, took all his money, and kicked him out of town, to Chicago, where he lives with some uncle he fears and cannot get a job. I do not know the full extent of what our radio show and my writing set off, but I do know that Colbert and John Stewart became a part of the campaign called INFORMATION IN FORMATION. I wanted to use the press to finally force the truth on the public. With all of the kids protesting different things around the country, the people who were interpretting my work let it inspire them kind of with their topic of the day.

Well, as you can imagine, the Intelligence agencies were afraid of me. I studied under professors who they watch closely, the fbi. Danial Stern, a communist who worked with the black panthers who had rooms full of freedom of information documents on himself, and another who is in jail for allegedly being a terrorist. And a lot of other radical. My ex girlrfriend used to date the head of SDS ( a student organization in the sixties that got violent at one point, but to her credit, when she saw where this was going she fucking got out of there). My first book was critical of the CIA, the Navy Seals, the bushes. People who read it feel real hatred over what has happened to the people in this book, and they are real enough that you read about similar deaths everyday.

Combine all this, and you have someone who in America gets watched, bugged. In my writing, I starting playing the agent procotour of a sorts, using fiction and fact to weave a tale, along the lines of orson wells War OF The Worlds, about a revolution taking place in america. Other people took this idea and went with it. Some were more organized than others. I found all of this out after the fact.

The government thought I was someone leading all of these disparate movements that sprung up, but most people knew them from tv shows, not the blog that those people were reading for clues on how to run the campaign. This got really big.

I intentionally made a strong statement that I did not want to become the star of this thing,that I wanted to stay in the background as much as possible. In fact, after Daly used my name, then Gwyneth Paltrow talked about me on Entertainment Tonight, I wrote the next day that my life would be in danger if I became a star, and that was not my intention. I did not want the campaign to become about me furthering my career.

I also wrote at one point that I did not want big stars and agents calling me. When I wrote this, the chance of that happening was about zero... but the radio station did not want me making contracts with anyone else, or getting an agent. The star thing I threw in because that just seemed impossible, and I was using fiction and fact to stir up the campaign.

I love Hunter S. Thompsons' fear and loathing books, especially on the Campaign Trail. I used a lot of what I learned from him while writing about this stuff.

To add to the strangeness about now, I started getting all sorts of messages from people telling me that I am an angel. I supposedly had two tumors removed from my spine and was given chemotherapy for a year when I was five for spondalolathesis, which is an unheard of thing to do. Whoever was behind this information convinced me that they had been wings, and were torn off because to better hide me, or something.

Weird. The medication made me feel like all kinds of different personalities were flowing through me. About here, the radio station and whoever else was bugging me, put cameras in my apartment. They made no bones about being able to see me on shows that came through comcaste. This is unimaginable to people, but I actually interacted with live shows. Seinfeld went so far as to air what were supposed to be repeats, but the actors were on live, giving me information about what was happening in the real world.

They knew that I was being held a something of a hostage. The government felt that they had the head of this movement. They also thought that by bugging me, sooner or later they would find my ties to some radical group, etc... The truth is that I am just a writer, and I have always wanted to use my union mother's teaching to organize labor and protest, and that is a big part of my work.

The scope of the campaign was astounding to me. Along with the voice of christ rising in me, and the obvious belief of a lot of people that I was at least an alein, if not christ himself. I am told teh Jehova Witnesses were sure I was him. People kept coming up to me on the street and treating me like Christ. Someone wanted me to think this.

Now, it is possible to brainwash a person, change their personality. Happens. This is how we get trapped in cults. During the time I was in the hospital, they may have inserted this Christ ideation. I am not sure. I am sane, and no more want to be Christ than... and to become him required a great change in the Christian hating writing that I had been doing for years.

The radio show went on and on, and I kept getting sick... hospitalized. Going back. After the first hospitalization, the other hosts talked about how Hitler had been taken out of me in t Hospital. This was one of many indications that whoever used me, had this all planned out from the start. They wanted me as ignorant as possible, i suppose, because they were ready to break laws, kill, do

I was informed later, that the reason I was vomiting, and that my back pain increased to unbearable, was that an electronic pulse device, a quasar, was used to try to stop me from doingthe liberal, pro pot radio show.

During this time, my blog was messed with. Stories were changed, entries disappeared. And a lot more.

Skip up to now... I am basically not able to contact the people in the media who helped me, with the exception of Henry Rollins, who I had a back and forth conversation with one day on his show... I know that some kind of National Security protocol is in place to hide this. I believe that CIA, Bush, And Cheney and others over-reacted and hurt, and killed people more than likely. Certainly there were crimes involved on both sides.

I was not aware of so much that they do not blame me. i tried to say no violence, all the time... though in the grips of the drugging and pain, I did rant to the bugs in my house in incredible ways just to show my anger. This drove me half crazy at the time.

Now that most of this has passed (though as recent as three months ago, an entry was taken offf my blog), I still come across references to what happened. Svu DID a none too flattering episode about me. Other shows have made reference too. Spaceman by the killers is about it, as well as, oddly enough, a brittany spears video with a spaceman, that resulted from my writing about wanting her after seeing her pussy shot... wow, still makes me salivate.

I will write more of this. It happened, It is true. I cannot expain how or why all of this came down. By the way, I was warned never to write about this....

I took myself off the pill that was reacting with my pain medication to drive me crazy Seroqul, which I was advised to do by a stranger who handed me a PDR. And other methods. Seroqul will drive a sane person insane.. once I was off this drug, the mania went away. Period. I became me again, yet with a head full of very strange memories.

In that last hospital, I said something about how I was just going to quit writing, that after all the trouble caused by my work, that I should just paint and write children's books.

Once I was off seroquel, my opinion changed, and I went back to being me, a fearless writer who values the truth more than his own life -- they have threatened me with death, jail, and being a drugged out zombie leaving in an sro, taking my meals from their half-ass cafeteria, and turning all but 30 dollars a month over to the state for putting me in their half-prison.

My girlfriend put up with a lot during this period. She stayed with me because she knew this behavior was not me. Once I was off the drug, and she saw that I am the same person I was before the mania and the voice of Christ, she too understood the hell that drug put us all through. And doctor after doctor kept me on that shit, until I went back to the pain clinic at the welfare hospital where I had been treated for eight years prior to getting insurance, and they said no more seroquel and my mind became my own again.

The hell of this is that the movement I started, which was popular enough that I told the bugs one day, I DON'T BACK POLITICIANS, I BACK ISSUES, and the next day there was Bono saying my words on a commercial of some sort. This was during the campaign of course.

Obama and Clinton both appeared in clips on my TV saying that they would like to speak to me. I wanted to, and told them as much, but no invitation arrived, no way to actually meet...

Whoever was working against me, did not want me to get connected with any politicians. I was stunned that no one approached me, other than the occasional fan, or religious person... and one fbi agent, who worked with me or against me, and I am not sure which. He tried to get me arrested at one point, so...

The people who were working against me, and with me, were very sophisticated. Chicago, where I live, was basically cut off from the forces of revolution taking place around the country, and basically sweeping Obama into office. I announced my campaign, by putting signs in my windows, which face the much traveled Lake Shore Drive, by putting signs up saying, OBAMA FORGIVE OSSAMA SEND ALL THE WARRIORS HOME. I believed that Bush would not end the war and Obama would. I was very inspired, again, by the mania filling me. This was before anyone really came to my aide, or noticed me too much. With the exception of the spies, who wondered who the hell I was, and who i was working for.

They could not connect me wiht any radical organizations, because I have never joined one. I might share their beliefs, but I do not know them personally. I wrote in the blog, right as I declared this revolution, that I DO NOT EVEN NEED TO TALK TO MY TROOPS. I wrote this in blind inspiration. Some of the people who were unsure what I was thought i could read minds.

People were looking for clues into me in my poetry. That is not always easy. Interpreting poetry is a tricky matter. I look at poetry as part of my body of work, which essentially has certain values, yet other people take something out of context and make it mean this and thaat.

At the behest of this revolution, kids were stealing RV's, getting guns and food, and getting ready to go to war to take america back from the brink of being a master slave situation again, this time purely economical, between the peasents and tiny, unblessed few. My poetry promised them freedom.

I wrote about how the pain in my back was driving me to think of the undreamt mission, to take great hope again in my country, and to believe that people were now going to finally do what I had always dreamt that they would.

My part in the political drama became very complex. At one point, Bush, and especially Jeb, who I described as 'disgraced' for stealing the Florida election, were put in danger. I did not know the extent of my power with people, or how much of the country was in control of the rebels. I was isolated in Chicago, and a lot of times, just when some message was getting out to me... the tv would go out... the computer would break... phone always went out if I tried to discuss this... their obvious intrusion into my life was maddening at first, but I am determined to defeat them at their mind games. Fuck them. I am tougher than they are, and better yet... I am right.

The gov. did a good job of hiding some of it, but a lot of this is just known. The New York Times,, on the day after Obama's election, filled their opinions section with poetry. Steven Colert announced this on his show, telling me that yes, Scott, even if we cannot say this out loud, we know, Poetry Set The Revolution In Motion.

Pain is also the name of an earlier revolutionary writer. Thomas Paine. I wrote in my blog one day that I believed a lot of future writers would get addicted to the book channel, which has authors and critics talking books, just astounding. The next day, they are doing Thomas Paine...

I hear the actor saying, "He is supposed to be some kind of genius." He is looking as a computer screen that I cannot read. He says something about common sense. I go to my computer and write in my blog. "I do not believe in common sense." The actor reads this, says, "Well, that is not very promising."

Realizing for sure we are communicating, I type in "Convince me."

The actor then launched into a great speach... I typed in the end. "Wonderful. This is a play that should go on forever and ever."

This is just one of many such occurances. Then my computer went out. No matter how many times I tried to fix it, something came up.

Now, that is the hook up. You can take this for what it is worth. I have no grand explanation. For the full story, read waking up jesus, where I really lay out what this was like to go through, putting together the rise of the jesus voice, with the governments intrusion into my life, and the sleazy way the radio station lied to me, and exploited me.

Check out all of my blogs by googling my name, John Scott Ridgway