When I first started bloggin, it was because of the recommendation of a writer freind who was attending readings that I was running at the late, great, Big Star Cafe in Roger's Park, Chicago -- a Friday Night gathering that was really hitting its stride when the place closed... I would take my paintings down for the back drop, sell prints of my work on the table. It was like hosting a party every week. Blogging challanged me to try a new type of writing -- confessional. I had written about my life often, as a poet... i lived the artist life, right on the edge, showing my disdain for modern society in my drunken, stoned rejection of this fucked up, elitist, mental-mind rape of a culture. Jason Pettus, one of the top bloggers in the world rated 37 on the entire web for awhile, became a huge promoter of my work, as I am of his. He has one of the brightest, bravest minds I have had the privelage to hang around. He used his life in his journal to gather a readership, as well as fight prejudice against variations on modern, accepted sexuality.
I got all wasted on valium and weed and wrote about being sexually abused, after hearing that this bastard was trying to take in high school kids in some kind of exchange of students between europre and tennessee, where he was keeping his stanked ass. I decided, NO, FUCK NO... I CAN DEAL WITH WHAT HAPPENED TO ME... I CANNOT DEAL WITH BEING A PART OF OTHER PEOPLE FALLING INTO KEN HAYNE'S MENTAL WEB. A guy who flies his own plane, has various houses, and is considered the pinancle of right wing success, uses this power over people to get what he wants, and who cares about the bleeding assholes his rapes leave behind... he was hated by the people who worked for him -- became the star of bathroom humor about Cooper Industrial Products. Dude is a racist -- he actually thinks blacks are more primitive than whites. God... the idiot once tried to put down my family by saying we probably bad black blood. Amazing. I love all this shit best because I am of kingly blood, and smarter than 99 percent of the americans I went to school with... this according to their own way of looking at the world, not mine...
I do not judge people by ancestory, though I think everyone who is smart probably has a cool one. I like that we were kings. Part of why we were is because my family loves people. I was raised a certain way, and it was powerful and good in a lot of respects. No one was better than us because we were poor was a huge part of what my Mom gave us. And yes, we were looked down upon by the stupid ass power elite in our dum ass small town of Garrett, Indiana... typical shit. We had eight people trying to live in a small house on the checki's of two factory workers who were not good with money, but other than that... we had plenty of cash until a couple days before payday, when my mom's spendthrift ways left us broke. Big Deal... I do the same myself all the time... of course, I make sure my pets are fed first, and have gone without food to feed them when I had to.
Now... when I started this blog, many years ago now, I wrote about this molestation, and my family all acted like they did not know, did not want to know, and despised me for bringing this up. Like me, they hoped Ken had stopped this shit, I guess... and ignored the plain out historical and sociological fact that guys who go after high school boys do not suddenly change. They need to be on sex offender lists, kept from the kids -- and, if they continue their ways, incarcerated and socially ostracized... instead, in my case, the offender got my family to turn against me for sayng anything and offending his children. Both of his kids were over eighteen. They were never molested, supposedly, though both became extremly obese, which my therapist used to tell me was a sign he messed with them... I do not believe this is always why people get fat, so I ignored his pleas to turn this guy in years ago. I pray he did not...
Anyways... just last year, my one brother decided that since he was sick and dying, he would forgive me and be my friend again. I can held my nose and started talking to him again -- being careful to avoid this topic, because he is a hot head, like all Ridgways... we fight, man, so what? ANyways... recently, they decided to come after me again, this time thinkiing I am lying about being targeted by the government. They did not ask me about it, try to find out what I meant, or bother reading my writing on the topic -- just assumed I was lying.
I was amazed. I do not know why... I mean, why would I suddenly make up this wild story, which destroys my credibility with a lot of people, if I did not know, absolutly, that this is true.
I have no reason to pretend that I was bugged, filmed, drugged, hospitalized, and jailed... it makes me sound crazy. I have to write these things, however, or I join the silent majority in this country that turns away from the evils they see, and go home and pretend they do not happen. History does not look kindly on people who do this, let alone writers.
So this week my youngest bro tells me that I am psychotic. Funny... the shrinks do not think this about me at all. The wondered why the hell I was even locked up in the psych ward after my seizure caused this behavior, yet I awoke without being crazy? Yet... my brothers decide not to listen or read anything I have written, but to go with the government's favorite way of dismissing someone like me -- saying I am nuts.
I know a lot of top secret shit that I refuse to be silent about. They came after me, and I will never shut up about what happened until I see them in court being prosecuted. I am not someone who lets himself be abused anymore. These rich, political fucks think they can do whatever they want to people... well, the buck stops here. I am going to hunt them down if I have to and put fucking bullets in their heads... but I will give trying to get the truth out a few years... if this does not work, I will use the last few years of my life sensationalizing myself enough that I end up in court, where I will make my story heard even if it comes after I have blown up some fucking neo-con family reunion. I am a soldier. A spy. A poet. A lover, and a hater. I am also someone who does not forgive people for their crimes unless they admit what they have done and take their medicene.
The funny thing is that sooner or later, I will be proven to be correct. History is not going to let the Bush and Cheney fucks from hiding all of their bodies. People simply will not go along forever. They may escape court in this life time, but their family names will be mud on the shoes of people like me. I am the future, not these lying, mental rapists. The FREEDOM OF INFORMATION ACT will prove me right, in the end. Unless they try to hide everything because of national security concerns -- and even then, in fifty years, that will be absurd and my story will come out. In the meantime, people are going to act like I am nuts. Like they did when I wrote a book about Iran Contra and CIA involvement in starting crack cocain in LA, which is based on historical facts by one of the most respected reporters in the world. I mean, people are idiots...
I love my brothers... but I am not going to spend a lot of time trying to convince them about what happened to me. Fuck that. Take it or leave it assholes, I give my writing away for free after spending a 100 grand and 20 years learning the craft (thank you pell grants and student loans and the disability commission and everyone who actually paid a lot of my tuition). I will do so as long as I have to. The scam of worth in this market is not something that I am about to buy into. I do not sell out, and if this makes me end up like Thomas Paine, broke and rejected in life, fine... I have faith that if literature survives the coming convultions in history as we deal with the weather turning against us, I will have my place.
Even if no one does ever think my writing is worth that much, they will at least confirm the historical truth of what I write about. Spending my life trying to convince people of this is like talking to people who ignore evolution -- I am not going to waste my breath. I wrote about what happened, and I was clear and did not add any fiction at all... take my word for it, if you know what is good for you, or go look it up if you can (though believe me, they are careful not to document what they do,because they are spies and undercover... which works for a few years, then becomes exposed when the actual power of living criminals in government fades away with their deaths. The CIA and Homeland Security, The FBI, and even the CPD, are all about covering their own asses first. This is how they operate. Law and Order is a very distant second. They say that is their priority, keeping the law and order, though in truth they rape law and order in their pursuit of law and order and... obviously, the law enforcement in the states has problems sometimes. The CIA was ordered to torture in the middle eastern conflicts. They wrote many a memo back and forth with the Bush Justice Dept. asking, " ARE YOU SURE THIS IS LEGAL NOW... I MEAN, WE WERE SUPPOSED TO QUIT TORTURING AFTER THAT THING REAGAN SIGNED AFTER BEING EXPOSED AS ONE OF THE MASS MURDERERS BEHIND THE CONTRA AND THE DEATH SQUADS IN EL SALVADOR. People in the states do not care about what this country did in south america, but I AM NOT ONE OF THEM. I will not be a part of the crowd that lynches the truth -- better to die trying to stop them, by any means necessary.
I am not some guy who has not been able to get his story out, by the way... Obama knows what happened to me, but he has chosen to LOOK FORWARD, NOT BACK.. or at least that is his public position, the Trojan Horse he has used to get into the walls of government.
HIS JUSTICE DEPARTMENT MESSIAH, HALL... is going after the Bush Criminals, thank God. I knew he was a good man when after the election, he came out and said that this hardly meant racism was gone in the states... people criticized him at the time, while the sane among us just went, well... of course he is right. Now Hall is showing he has Steel balls again, by going after the CIA for torture. Do not kid yourself -- this dude just made enemies that will haunt him the rest of his life, if they plain out do not kill him. Part of why Kennedy was shot has to do with how he wanted to absolve the CIA after the bay of pigs... those old warriors were like," Shit, we need the CIA or this world will become communist, or run by dictators"t -- and while they prefer the later, this is not the CIA's reason for existing... they really do want to protect the idea of democracy, even if the actual practice is hard for them to abide by in times of war -- and they have known nothing else since they began.
I walked like a naked babe into the woods... and while in hindsight I can see why they were afraid of me, I also see why they ultimatly did not do their worst to me -- certainly, they would have liked to have jailed me -- I was told they were looking for some smoking gun to tie me to the people who have been inspired by my writing to break the law during their protests. This has proved impossible, because I do not endorse that sort of behavior. PROFESSOR DANIAL STERN often talked about the agent Provacotuers that the government sent to their communist meetings, to try to get them to do violence with guns and bombs -- which the FBI would have supplied them with, to bust them, as they did with Dr. Stern's friends, the black panthers. I am not about to fall for that shit. I am an activist. I will be think what I think and publish it until the day they find me stiff and cold and staring blankly at the ceiling. I will never kill or bomb or etc... I am barely able to get myself to protest let alone endanger my personal freedom with some stupid, senseless act of violence.
I do not believe that I have the right to hurt others in my pursuit of poltical causes, except in the most extreme of situations (I make jokes about this, like the one above where I kid like I am going to go after a neo-con reunion... in most cases, I was appalled when certain people thought I advocate violence and used my work as inspiration, so now I have to break the little fictional dream of my new journalism to add footnotes like this to insure that the killers inside of us are not tempted to act on my words) . It does not work. Period. Terrorism is wrong. In the states, we still have voting booths, and this means there is hope for change -- Obama tapped into it when he was elected this time. THe Bush Regime may have felt like they had beaten the left down so bad that they were going to be the bitch of the republican party... guess they learned differently this time. Well, not learned... as we see in the doings in Washington on Health Care, the liberal's have had to quit waiting for the convservatives to come to the table and negoitiate and push through their health care agenda based on their majority in the house and senate, not by convincing sold out republicans to quit getting those BLOW JOBS FROM THE LOBBYIESTS. Those perverts want their dicks sucked, like anyone -- and they get paid for it. This is why politics attracts all the psycho paths and egotistical fuck heads who just love the idea of power and treating others like shit and all the crap we see every day with polticians like Daly who does what he wants and does not give a shit about other peoples opinions. FASCISTS. You can call them what you want, but they are fascists. That is what Reagan was when he defied the Congressional ruling to stop the Contra war, by ordering the CIA to use drug dealers to keep the guns flowing to the death squads, who had already been shown to be killing nuns and preists for God's sake, not to mention HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS MORE. This was not the CIA's decision. Like now, when they were ordered to torture. A law enforcement agency is only as good as the people who police it, and run it.
The CIA was told to just fucking kill, torutre and kidnap whoever the hell they wanted. They were told to throw out all the laws created over the years to stop just this kind of abuse. I do not blame them for following orders, which makes me a rarity among liberals and is one of the reasons a lot of intelligence people like me. And so do a lot of cops. As well they should, because I see the world as one where the working class takes the shaft for the abuses of the ruling class. The soldiers in the CIA should not be sacrificed to save the honor of their abusive leaders. Bush and Cheney should never have been put in charge of an organization like the CIA.
Obama is transfering more power to the FBI, taking away the CIA's right to interrogate terrorists, etc... Clinton did the same thing after the Contras and the Coke. Oer 325 CIA operatives resigned under Clinton, and their loss is why we had 9-11. I think they would have stopped it if they had not been disembowled over what Reagan ordered them to do.
Obama cannot afford to make the same mistake right now, and thank God he knows as much. We need the CIA. Especially right now, when half the world wants to send suicide bombers into the states. However, Bush and Cheney and the Justice Department that they created, have to be dealt with severly. Hiding their crimes will not work anymore. If we truly want PEACE, WE MUST CONFRONT and stop the behavior that has led to wars in the past. PRETENDING LIKE THERE IS NO BLOOD ON AMERICAN HANDS IS NAIVE AND DANGEROUS AND STUPID. We have sent killers and character assasins all over the world, and have sinned greatly against the sovernty in most countries... not a few -- MOST, IF NOT ALL.
Once one knows the history of intelligence in the states, there is little reason to think that they would not investigate me. Hell, if I was them, I would bug me. I understand that they watch activists. I understoon when I studied this shit in college that if my career went this way, and I was working on a book about the CIA, so it was happening... I was going to have deal with the government fucking with me. I was prepared by Dr. Stern, and my own ethics, to resist the temptations offered by criminals and plants. You will never read in my work anything about violent civil disobediance that says do it here in the states. I do believe that violence is useful in some conflicts -- how could I not, but I not believe that I have the right, as a private citizen, to decide when that is. Responsible, militarily trained and LAWFUL international police enforcement officers have to think about this shit for us, because most people, like myself, have no desire to pick up guns and go after an enemy that wants to bomb the shit out of us.
The CIA was misused. The army has been so too. This does not mean that one has to become such a peacenik that you think all war is about the military industrial complex -- i am not an expert on them, but I have read into their excesses, and it is sickening how they promote war, but I still think that some people are doing shit in this world that has to be confronted by the only thing the psychopaths understand -- greater might. As a cop if they think the world needs to be policed? And ask a rapist/murderer who is locked up in prison what they would be doing if they were free? In my opinion, The TALIBAN is a murderous, ignorant, evil organization of power mad men. The Feminist in me screams at the mention of this kind of patriarchial nonesense.
Anyways... this is just another in a series of big FUCK YOUS to people who think I am making up the story of my life. I am not. I write about my life quite honestly -- too honestly for the tastes of spies and my family. I HAVE BEEN TOLD TO WRITE CHILDRENS BOOKS,OR JUST WRITE BOOKS IN MY HEAD THAN NEVER JOT THEM DOWN. Like they can tell me what the fuck to write. I NEVER SIGNED a loyalty oath with these bastards. They never came to me and honestly asked for my help with a national security issue caused by my violent, revolutionary poetry and radio show was causing bursts of rebellion throughout the country. I did help them in the end, when they finally showed me some real intelligence on this shit.
THEY EVEN sent someone to ask me, "IF YOUR WORK WAS GETTING PEOPLE KILLED, would you want the CIA to take it down," I said of course, and my blogs disappeared from the west coast... my readers later asked why? Well, this is why... I never meant to achieve some of the milestones this blog has... believe me, I am pleased that I got people to understand there is Hope in the voting booths. One of the reasons that whole Hope and Obama thing came out is because of one of my poems. Obama's speach writer reads me. I heard one of my entries echoed in a morning News Conference this week -- I was writing about health care and said, It ain't over until it is over.' The next morning... the phrase and ideas were used in White House Press Conferance.
I told people they could steal from my blog. I set this up. I want this to happen. And I do not want to take credit for all of these words, because no one owns the thoughts in my head. If all I cared about was ownership, a half million people on my blog and millions of others during the radio show would never have been introduced to my work.
THe internet alows me to avoid the market, and offer my words up to the scrutiny not of what will make money, but what will pass the credentials of basic, common sense. I make sense in my work, and have a sophisticated world view. This is not a virtue that I worked to achieve because I wanted to sell it. Hell no. I want words that are useful, bullets, if you will, killing them fascists -- as we once read in awe was written on Woody Gutherie's guitar (God I love that man... he is one of the founders of the literary movement that birthed me, the Bob Dylans and the communistic movie makers and the unions during the depression when people found they had to band together to get their rights from the owners of businesses, and the sixties which erupted after the fifties tried to remake the world into a mad, McCarthian dream where only certain political views could be expressed by entertainers and writers).
No... I share my words because I got them from Martin Luther King, Nietsche and Christ and EO Wilson and The Bill Cosby Show and The Black Panthers and other places where ideas changed my life, and i know that they will have the same effect on my readers.... . If anything, I owe my thanks to the people who wrote these words, not some claim of ownership. This does not mean that I am against all private property. That is not feasible at this moment. Sure, in the right hands -- in some Godly time I can barely imagine, going totally communist about property makes sense. No one owns the national parks, and no one should own the electric companies, the armies, etc.. these are collectively ours, and the futures. I do not like the idea of a Doctor Zhivago scene in the states. Going after the rich has never been my intent. Any fool can get rich, it just depends what they do from there as to whether or not they are the rare camel that can fit through the eye of a needle? But... I think we definatly need checks and balances like taxation to extend the wealth of america to all citizens, not just a psycopathic, work-a-aholic few.
Since my story was kept secret, and they want me to follow their lead, the gov. is going to do what they can to keep this a secret. My personal battle is to make sure that the truth gets out. This was why I let them film me -- I figured that sooner or later it would help me document what was happening to me. I was pissed, and I was willing to set mental traps for them, pretend I like Charles Manson, whatever just to fuck with them. That was just punching back for them bugging me and fucking with me. If you were drugged right when you had been offered the ability to make short stories from fifty plus short stories, a radio show with a green screen, etc... and basically your career sabotaged, how would you respond? Me, I am going to fuck with them until I get the truth out, or they kill me. They have two options. Fuck them.
They can pretend like few know about what happened to me, but I know better. Believe me, hollywood and new york were more than aware that this writer in Chicago was leading a new movement that was going to change america by any means necessary.
and I still am... TOTAL WAR FOR TOTAL PEACE is going to be on my tombstone, fifty some years from now (I hope). I do not mind my critics. From my brothers to Tommy Smothers. I will take what they say into consideration, of course. I respect Tommy Smothers, and when he said that people who think we can war our way to peace are ignorant. Well, stated like that, I suppose they would be. But thinking that Justice is going to come easy in this world, is a fallacy as well. Total War is a concept that means using everything you have to win. I meant this in the sense of the environment and other areas where we had better stop appeasing the people who are waging war on nature. I also meant that we should go to war if the republicans tried to steal another election. Tbank God, most people know that my work has helped to inspire something more important than I am -- the election of Obama. Chicago has truly taken over the world. And my ideas, the infection there-of, has been in the heads of Clinton and Obama, and Pelosi and Reid and top generals and others for years, which means that truly, as a writer, I at least got my say in this world.
Pelosi and Reid especially worked very hard to stop the Iraq war. Like most, they were duped by Bush and lies he used the CIA and others to tell to pretend we were all in danger of being nuked by the terroristic Saddam Hussein... but they came around, and during my Campaign, Pelosi was one of the first to make clear she was trying to help the cause I was promoting. I was pissed at politicians at the time, for going into Iraq in the first place... I did not want to see the Taliban get the country, and if they had to fight now to avoid that, well.... okay. I hope this is true, for the sake of all the soldiers who are dying.
Pelosi and Reid wanted the war to end in Iraq in 2007. If they had achieved this, we at least would have the troops in Afganistan to fight the Taliban there. Instead, we have two war fronts. The surge... well, I laughed at that at the time, though I had to at the same time show my loyalty to my fans in the armed forces, by takinging into account their grave sacrifices for these ideas of ours about freedom. Saddam should have been shot down like a dog. Sure. But still... all of his people in his tribe should not have been punished by being kicked out of the army, etc... this is why they have this war mostly -- if they had changed the army around, yet left in the privates and others were basically apolitical and needed a job, these guys would be working with us, instead of against us.
We made a lot of tactical errors in Iraq. For about the last 80 years. This is nothing new. Iraq was created by the British after ww2, from various tribes and geographies that never considered themselves a country before, so instead of having thier own little fiefdoms, they were supposed to be governed by a centralized power structure. The tribes went to war to control the entire terroritory, instead of just the little state they started out with after ww2. Saddam, with our help, won a battle against the majority power, and put his regime in to keep the oil flowing at all costs. He is one of those dictators who used Oil to lubricate ass fucking us all. Like the Saudi Sheiks still do (why are they not called out all the time for their civil rights abuses, let alone their deplorable track record of feminist issues is... they supply us oil and pretend not to hate us, even though their schools often teach hatred of western culture, and they suppled 29 people to help bomb us on sept. 11.... they did go after this bunch at least, but still... ignoring feminist issues in a country is just as bad as ignoring slavery, or other human rights violations.
Well, there we go... tying the little events in my life to huge, historical facts has once more been achieved. I wish I was making up what I say about myself. I wished all this was not true so hard that it almost killed me. I am too sane to pretend things are not true. I do not live in a made up world.
That is the immense irony of living in america. We are told in so many ways to ignore the truth to keep the peace. To appease.. the brutality of certain cultures toward women, minorites, religions and, basically, anyone who is sexually active outside of marriage, including gays and just plain horny people, who get stoned and whipped and jailed, etc... I get called insane because I refuse to accept their insanity. Irony... when I wrote about God as Jesus, I found unending Irony in this universe and my cosmology in general. The irony or being an agnostic who wakes up Jesus was astounding to me. Let alone who I am, and how different I am from the traditional Jesus. This is part of why I also feel the need to write is the most loyal, unselfish thing that I do for humanity, even if Johnathon Jackson, who I respect immensly, thinks that my studying and writing is not enough and may be right.... still, I think that by opening mental doors into rooms that would not have existed in their cosmology e is a powerful avenue of change, because this is what writing did to me.
Thye End... The End... one night, at the radio show, I sang along with Morrison on this song... I had put the lyrics in my blog that day, and my co-host, Jimmy Peace, took the clue and played the song and encouraged I sing that night... This song has a lot of meaning for me. My Christ sees these words as part of the scenario he was ressurrected for -- the apocolypse. The Johnny Pain, liberal writer, thinks the Greenhouse has us by the throat, and is about to start choking off our oxygen itself.... The radio show... that was an amazing experience, but if I tried to desrcibe everything that happened, people would look at me all the more askew. . .. I have been surrounded by different agents with agendas so much that my life does sound like a conspiracy novel. I mean, if I was not sane now, and no longer seeing massive manifestations of this phenomena, I would hopefully be less sure about what I am writing. But no... In 2009, this shit has mostly stopped, so can I look back now and see my little revolutionary action, which set off various bursts of rebellious activity, as a phenomena. I am not paranoid now. Do not think about who is bugging me much, even though I am sure it is happening. I do not care, really. I have nothing to hide anymore. When I started this campaign, I went ahead and made sure that I used a character, Moon Bong Haze, who was try-sexual, so that sort of character would eventually be accepted by the majority. This was a political action that led people to think I am gay. I am not one to usually say anything about my sexuality, and I find it offensive when people ask about my bedroom activities, as anyone with modesty would. And I hate that Gay is used as a stereotype that is desposed, so I usually get pissed at this and ask the people, Hey, What Are You, Heterosexual? Trying to show them the question is inappropriate to ask. One chick did not get it at all when I said this. She asked me, after a gay buddy called me at work, if I was gay with this smirk and a slightly mean tone. Funny, she looked very much like a dyke, so of course the closet case was the one who made a big deal about this. I was going through a divorce, and living with a gorgrous woman with a wild sex life... but I refused to answer her question, because I stick up for my gay friends, and I did so on the radio show as a point of honor.
My sexuality... the only reason I have ever commented on this is because I would never want women to think I am not immensly attracted to them and sexually want them. I desire sex with women, not men, and to keep that flow of wondrous sex I have had to clear up misconceptions on this issue... I was also accused of hating gays, for this one short story I wrote, with a very gay protoganist who did some disgusting things. Ugh... there is no winning on some issues. The truth is that I do not care what people do in the bedroom, and I do not think God does either.
But... again, so much has happened to me that it sounds like I am paranoid, delusional, or making this up. Which, again, is ironic, because telling the truth gets me looked at as lying... where as if I lied, which i would be doing with my silence, I would get looked at as truthful. Like I wrote long ago, as Jesus was just waking up, EVERYTHING IN THIS WORLD IS ASS BACWARDS. If I am sane and truthful, I will get looked at as crazy and lying... and there is much, much more to this than I write... this does not bode well for the Waing Up Jeus books that are coming.....
This is part of why I put most of this stuff in waking up Jesus, a novel if you will, about being Jesus... as well as the true story of what happened to me, after the gov . decided to attack me at the same time the left was trying to use my image as a rallying cry...
Check out all of my blogs by googling my name, John Scott Ridgway