I felt my age last night, gasping at the thought of being almost 50 and still waiting for my writing career to suddenly take off and lift me out of poverty. That is the way the story was written in class after class, in the lives of writers I read about all over the place. Told I could write from day one, well schooled, there was no reason for me to think I was going to fail at this endeavor.
I have not failed, by anyone's imagination except my own in a way. What did I want to write for? To be read, to insert a certain voice into the heads of others, to return the favor of the gifts that literature had given me, and to have shaped the minds that would take over this world one day. I could have just have soon joined an underground army for the purposes that I wrote for.
I hear so much about the comedians who keep their politics out of their careers. Or so they pretend. Leaving politics out of your art in a time of serious crises, like this world is in, is fine if that is your inspiration. Love is a wildly powerful force in society, the original muse for poets.
This poet finds his muse is a lass of flames, who stands in a ring of fire, beconning me to join her on her rampage... asking me to destroy everything around me if that is what it takes to win my quest, answer the call of my mission. I find myself seeing the reality of overpopulation, the green house effect, scarcity of resources, etc... I am not one of these people who can wake up every morning thinking the world is ending. We are not playing that old religious game, which has infected generation after generation. LOOK AT THE SCIENCE. THE PROJECTIONS ARE HORRIFIC, AND NOT ENOUGH WILL BE DONE... WE ALL KNOW THAT THIS IS TRUE. OUR EFFORTS SO FAR HAVE BEEN POLITICAL WINDOW DRESSING.
If another country offered us the kind of threat the greenhouse holds for the states, the most liberal peacenik in the world would be calling for nuclear annhilation. This is part of why I believe in TOTAL WAR FOR TOTAL PEACE. And I do not mean pussy, appeasing peace.
Being sickened personally by violence has little to do with geo-political realities. Blood is being spilled already, though... in the form of lung cancer, allergies, etc... we now have tens of thousands of people dying from the effects of this weather change, and we are just at the bare beginning of the cycle. Wait until the refugees from the west coast start flooding into middle america as tidal waves and storms and rising ocean levels changes floods millions... Wait until the starving and desperate grow in such numbers that all we can do is watch them die on the evening news.
Desperate food shortages are already breaking out. They will get worse as water that once flowed from snow capped mountains or glaciers no longer comes... Iraq lost millions of acres of farm land when upriver countries started hoarding water. And we are not even close to the desperate levels that will come in 50 years.
The future looks bleak, folks. The solutions to our worlds problems are not within our reach at all.
Maybe this is why, when I was dreaming of being Christ, I ended up thinking that my presence was not going to be the hopeful, wonderous time that it seemed like it would be. When I dreamt of being in Chicago and announcing the return of Christ, some twenty years before this Deity rose up in my conscious, I was exstatic in the dream. In fact, later in 2007, as Christ began to take over my personality, I thought a lot about this dream, wondering if this was when the brainwashing began, if that is what happened to me.... I mean, among the wilder explanations for what happened to me is the manchurian candidate. I ended up leading a lot of communists, and that was a surprise to me. And someone was ready for me to act. Whoever they were, they chose the time to put me on the radio, to drug me, to hold up my poetry and say listen to this writer, he is leading a revoltuion.
Once when they were showing me a lot of shit on tv about what was going on, how I had set off all these little revolts, I made clear how I really felt about what I was seeing. They did this only after I started trying to convince the government that despite what they thought, I am lawabiding and believe in peaceful protests. I told them if they wanted me to help them contain the situation, they should give me good intelligence. So, they showed me kids in an rv, tearing out their teeth. Evidently inspired by how i was using my own pain to drive me to write revolutionary poetry. I wrote about the pain driving me to the undreamt mission. They thought I wanted to get them ready to fight.
During this time, I also started getting a lot of odd email, and other messages on the tube. They showed me huge tubs of mail that had supposedly been sent to me, protests in New York and news of protestors in other places... 2007 and all these flights were being canceled without explanation. I would see these things happening on my tv and know, there was a force out there using my words to revolt.
I figured if they wanted me to lead, that I would do my best, in a way. The problem was that I had no intention of ending up under house arrest, with no counsel at all, except that which actors and writers and others on tv and the radio could get to me. A lot of people knew that Bush had me surrounded, so that I could not get in touch with the protestors.
I could sense how huge this thing was, and I also felt that I had one shot to say my peace. I was Jesus, and I was going to do what I knew was morally right, not what had been preached to me. As Jesus, I am the ultimate preacher. Not the listener. The world needs independent voices. This Jesus has a lot of things he wants to do, but mostly he wants people to accept one another, think for themselves, forgive each other, fight for justice, and stand up for their fellow man, as well as their entire damn echosphere.
At this point, with enough people convinced that I was Jesus, and others that I was playing a character, and still others of wild schemes I barely understand, including masonics and the catholoic church, I was very wary of allowing a religion to take over america. There was a moment or two there when it was thought I was setting myself up to run for president, which I shot down pretty quick. And as far as my being christ and wanting to be the king of kings like it says in the bible...
I have to admit that my Jesus thought he would be treated like that at first. I figured, wow... all these people are listening to me like I am Jesus, and Jesus seems to be the voice speaking trhough me... so if this is true, they will probably treat me like that. Instead, another image they showed me on the tv was a Christ figure in a metal cage, in a castle, screaming out that he had a son.....
Going to get mystical here now... You do not have to believe me, just believe the mentality was alive and aware in my mind, a personality all its own in a way. This Christ did not want anything to do with being a sell out.
The reason he kept allowing himself to be filmed (and there was one point where a stranger approached me at my bus stop and asked if I needed them to turn the film off and give me some privacy... but I figured that I should keep getting a record of what was happening to me, and also that if I was the Christ, I wanted people to see that I am not the person described by most of their ministers.
I was very angry when this Christ started to rise in my mind. I was convinced others knew all about my divinity for a long time. One guy told me he had been to a ceremony in New Orleans with my mother, before I was born. That it was known to many I was in america. The masons sent someone to get my blessings, which surprised me, and though I know nothing about them, it helped to push into my mind that I could be this mystical creature,
So angry.... I hated everyone for keeping this a secret from me. In fact, I had a vision like thought of my wings growing and divinity coming to me when I was a chil, and how in my purity I could have saved the world, but humans had cut them off.
The wing thing was the least of the Jesus manifestation. I also figured this is why people were so interested in me, as well as why they called in the second largest private army in the world to surround me. They may well have been protecting me, but once I wrote, in 2007, come to me, and the news showed every artery into Chicago was jammed. So I backed off and told people to go home to their computers, take care of their famalies, and revolt from there.
Obama was a huge part of the revoltion I envisioned. The NYT, as I have wrote, used poetry in their editorial pages after Obama's victory, in a silent nod to the work that I did to start up the youth movement in the states.
One of the trickiest parts about writing this is my belief that a secret deal was cut, letting off the people who fought under my flag, and our adversaries. If a deal like this has been struck, my writing about the events could get legitimate revolutionaries in trouble with the courts.
When I was basically sparring with Bush, I wrote at one point that amnesty all around sounded fine to me. I did not want a bunch of protestors to go jail. I did not approve of what they did, but I did approve of their intentions, and we did successfully swing the country back to the left.
Now, I would have done a lot of this differently... and while I cannot change a word I said, there is no doubt in my mind that without the assault on me by the government, I would not have fanned the flames of violence when I saw them. They egged me on, provoked me into feeling so trapped... I could see this revolution taking place on tv, yet I was trapped on the outside of the event. The only place regular people got to me, was psychiatric hospitals. They circumvented the process of whoever it was who was trying to keep me from connecting with my fans and others in the movement I started. I learned a lot about what they thought of me. My powers were almost acknowledged at this place. I met the Mason rep. there, a guy from the Unions who they sent in... these people would be on the ward for a day, have a talk with me, kind of give me their nod of approval, then leave. When i walked out of this hospital, a guy sitting outside asked me, "Are you still religious?"
This is not the kind of thing a stranger asks another. This kind of thing of course happened all the time. The woman who came up to me in front of my house, looking half-crazy, and asking what it meant if I wore green pants, and if Israel was a good place to go. This kind of thing, complete strangers knowing all about me, was common in 2007,2008. I was being broadcaste somewhere, probably on the net and tv. Who knows? I do not know where they allowed this stuff to be shown.
We are talking a huge domestic program to stop the movement i started, which was more successful than I ever could have imagined, and some of that was because of my writing about being spiritually called.
One night I told the bugs, "If we have to, we will do anything to save this planet. We will kill everyone over 45 if we have to. Not our soldiers, but the enemeies..." This was me basically trying to think of how you really could change the world, and coming up with a grotesque solution that I would never want. I said this as a statement of how serious this was, not as something that I would ask people to do.
The next day, they showed me Bruce Willis, with a young boy holding a gun to his head as he said, "Joseph, you almost got me killed." He is a republican. And I guess he would know from my work that I like Bruse Willis, and would never want to see someone kill him over which political party he is a part of. Politics is not everything. Another time I told the bugs that we would kill every catholic in Chicago if that was what it would take to get me out of this town, and into the arms of people who would be honest with me about what happened. And they exist, people who were with me from the beginning, in ny and la..... the ones in chicago were mostly trying to use me, or get me arrested, or whatever... So i have cut my connections with anyone who had anything to do with the mobbed up little Spineless radio station, mostly. I do love the two people I did the show with in some ways, and regret that our relationships got all tangled up in work. Susan especially is a great person, a real class act, who I should have treated better. Damned her by association because she could not get us the recording of the early shows, before she came on, when we were really radical, and the revolution was at its height....
In the midst of my writing during this period, I began to get followers from both political parties. There is no reason for a republican to hate me if they are of that sort who loves personal freedoms, etc.. And on the military issues I have more in common sometimes with Hawks than doves. In fact, if you remember, obama and mccain were neck and neck two weeks before the election..... I started wearing an Obama hat as I walked on the beach, after hearing from David Spade about how he saw me on Google walking at the beach and picking up someone's garbage... making fun, I guess, because my apartment was a mess at this point. Lo and behold, Obama shot up in the polls.
They wanted my backing. I was so aghast at all politicians at that point, that I had little belief they would ever get off their asses and deal with the real issues in this country, considered them either sold out of minimalized. I said, I DON'T BACK POLITICIANS, I BACK ISSUES. I of course secretly always wanted Obama, which is why when I started my campaign, I wrote Obama forgive Osama --send all the warriors home on a poster board and stuck it in myh window facing lake shore drive.
I was in too much mental and physical diress to concentrate on taking care of myself. at the time I was not actively writing about backing anyone, though I watched all those great debates with interest, because they too were a response to my writing. The scope of the people who worked together to change the States still amazes me and fills me with pride in this country. We are patriots. Republicans, Liberitarians, Democrats.... when we band together and demand fair,open government, we win some.... Unfortunatly, politics is such a sham right now in the states, and everyone knows as much.
We are so behind on spending money to live up to our own science. We keep our taxes too low, everyone knows this. It benefits very, very few and hurts the many. Low taxes keeps Chicago Public Schools from being the renaissance fucking havens they should be in a city of our caliber.
They simply are not a priority with enough political capital to get their way. The children get screwed in this country. We are 30th on infant moratlity. Everyone has better care for their new borns than us... amazing how behind this rich old nation is because of our unfair taxing system.
The problem here is that there is not enough money to go around. So we eigther decide to live in a winner take all world, where the wealth of the few is allowed to oppress the many. The king and queen live in luxury while the peasents live in their cars, uninsured and recently too late on the mortgage to save their house from the clutches of the predatory bank that sold them their loaded loan. What a scam. We are headed toward scientifically documented paths to disaster.
Makes me wonder again about the new novel movement
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